The Unbearable Heartbreak of Pants (and a glimmer of hope)

Your pal Plummy is tall.

This in itself is not an issue. I would much rather be tall than short and while I would not go so far as to say short people got no reason to live (you get miniskirts and tall boyfriends after all) were I offered the chance to be shetland-sized, I would decline it in a heartbeat.

Now, many tall people tend to have long legs. I don’t. My legs go all the way up and all the way down (to nearly universal approbation, thankyouverymuch) but it’s my torso that covers vast tracts of land.

So this whole low-rise thing we’ve been seeing for the past decade? Nightmare and a half.

I essentially just gave up on wearing either until I could find something that could cover my bottom half without making me grand marshal of the 2011 Crevice Parade or subjecting myself and everyone around me to an unwanted dromedary-type situation.

Anyway, I was bopping around on HSN.com the other day and as a lark ordered the Roam foldover bootcut pant.

My thinking was these were inexpensive, relatively well-reviewed and I was only going to wear them to Ireland anyway and frankly I’m not all that concerned about being liked in Ireland because come on, I’m a Southern girl who loves dark beer, pale men and comes with her very own magnificent set of great big American…teeth. I’m accepted more places than American Express.

Anyway, I figured these wouldn’t wrinkle and would keep me warmer than leggings, plus I could wear them with flats:

You guys, WHERE have these BEEN my entire life?

They should rename these the “Locks Your %#$ DOWN” pants.

The quality and construction of the pants are good, it’s a nice solid ponté knit, but what I LOVE about them is the foldover section.

Instead of folding it over (which I kinda don’t get, apparently it’s a yoga thing…does your root chakra need an extra layer for warmth?) I wear it with the foldover section up, and although I wouldn’t say it is a control panel (these aren’t exactly womens control pants), it does give a nice feeling of being held in, plus it makes the lines of my tops look nice and smooth AND I don’t have to worry about accidentally exposing myself to people who have not been made appropriately ready for my jelly.

They are a teensy bit short if your legs are on the longish-side of normal. The advertised inseam is 31″ but I think my pair might be closer to 30″ and if you’re wearing super lumpy industrial-grade underpants there’s a slight VPL issue.

I went by the garment measurements and sized down because I knew they’re quite stretch but I might order true to size if I went with any color but black.

A note: the seams of these pants curve in towards the leg as a theoretical slimming element. I kind of like it because it’s unusual, but it’s worth knowing these are not straight seamed pants.

14 Responses to “The Unbearable Heartbreak of Pants (and a glimmer of hope)”

  1. jen209 March 7, 2011 at 4:45 pm #

    The description of these and the look makes them seem like pants you might wear to a yoga class or the gym. But the picture pairs them with heels, and some of the reviews say you can wear them to work.

    Plummy, are we talking work OUT pants, or work pants? If the latter, they sound promising.

  2. lucy March 7, 2011 at 4:48 pm #

    Shetland speaking. I bought pants similar to this from the Gap. The only problem is my pants weren’t so well constructed. When I figured out how to stop indecently exposing myself by pulling the foldover section up, I was estatic… until I realized how thin the fabric was. I had to stop wearing them. I do look good in ‘em and all but I got a lot of attention when I was wearing them. And not just any attention, the sort of attention you get when you’re wearing a really thin fabric that clings.

  3. Miss Plumcake March 7, 2011 at 5:26 pm #

    These are definitely work-appropriate pants. In fact I’m wearing them right now with a black cashmere sweater and a pair of Pour la Victoire “Claudette” t-straps (in emerald green crocodile)

  4. Dragonbait March 7, 2011 at 8:19 pm #

    Interesting! I have a pretty visceral negative reaction to knit pants in general (they always seem to be either yoga pants or the polyester doubleknit of our grandmothers) but it’s heartening to know that there’s hope out there.

    How long of a top do you usually wear with them? I’m busty and not much of a tunic girl.

  5. Sony March 7, 2011 at 8:25 pm #

    Plummy!

    Thanks for the hope. I just ordered one in each color. I’m doing major travel (Russia, India, EU) in the next few months and have been looking for something comfortable but not sweats for the planes and trains days that will still look reasonably professional. Do you think they’ll drape well over stockings? I need to wear compression hose for long flights. I’m assuming thigh highs would be a bad scene.

    Ooooh, and that brings me to – compression stockings. An icky issue that I’m having trouble with. Any ideas for resources? I don’t want to be a member of the swollen ankle club at the end of the day. I’ve been looking around online but am not sure who is reputable to buy from and if there are any actually stylish options out there. I’m not afraid to spend the cash for quality, I just don’t know how to identify that on the interwebs. I’d love to find a good slightly sheer black and a nude that doesn’t look ridiculous on my pasty white self.

    – Sony

  6. Catrina March 7, 2011 at 11:25 pm #

    Ugh, those sound like perfection..,except for the dang inseam. I’m tall and evenly distributed on torso vs. legs, but I still need a 33″. Boo.

    Btw I love low-rise…in the front. They tend to sit on my abdomen in just the right place. But the back is a totally different story. I wish they made some low-in-the-front, higher-in-the-back pants, so it wouldn’t always be the battle between Mom Jean and Plumber Shot. :P And make them in 28 and up, AND with long lengths. Really, is that so much to ask?

  7. Margaret March 8, 2011 at 5:32 am #

    Ms Plumcake, if it’s one thing we have a good supply of in Ireland, it’s pale men. And we’re pretty near Germany, so no shortage of the good, brewed-according-to-purity-laws dark beer either! And some nice local micro-brews too, so a pint of Black Biddy might just mean you stay here :D

    Anyway, I hope you have a great trip here.

  8. txbunny March 8, 2011 at 5:21 pm #

    30″ inseam. Sigh.

    I’m with Catrina in that I need a 33″ to 34″ inseam min. for flats.

    I have not bought pants successfully since 2004. My first choice was Emanuel Ungaro but the company stopped making a bridge line in the nineties. My other goto brand was Ellen Tracy when Linda Allard was still designing the line (up to 2005). These pants were not fashion but at least they draped, were cut well, and long enough. If you could wear a 40s wide leg syle they were fabulous.

    I would love to find pants again….

  9. larkspur March 8, 2011 at 8:55 pm #

    funny – I went for years ignoring low-rise pants until my daughter convinced me they looked ok when I tried them on in a store. Actually, they are the answer to many of my problems. I’m not really that fat, but all my weight (ok, most of it) is in my tummy. So the problem I’ve had for years is that if I buy pants to reach around my tummy, the pants are either a) waaaay too tight in the tummy and I just can’t wait until I get home to take them off or b) fit around the tummy, waaay too long (but can be hemmed!) but worst of all, saggy and creased below the tum and under the but. ick.

    turns out, lowrise buckles nicely just below my tummy, I get a little definition around the but and legs and then I just wear a shirt that goes to slightly below the belt. I can sit in them all day at work at a computer and not be in agony. Ditto for long car drives. AND I feel much cuter.

    However, I’d love to have soft pants that I could wear that would work with the tum. I’ll have to give these a try.

  10. Violet March 9, 2011 at 12:37 am #

    txbunny, I miss Emanuel Ungaro bridge, too. And I don’t buy pants any more, either. Other than ones like these, which would be exactly what I want more of in my life if they had a 32″ inseam. Oh well. I do have one really good pair of ponte knit trousers in a 14W from Macy’s women’s section that I’m 95% sure are the cheap kind of Calvin Klein, so if you want soft work-friendly plane-friendly pants, maybe check there. They could use a longer inseam too, though. Nothing’s perfect.

    (Plumcake, don’t bother; I’m the opposite of your proportions, all leg albeit only 5’6″, and super short-waisted. The CKs work for me, so won’t for you. I know the whole joy of the featured pants for you is in unfolding the foldover. I unfold my foldovers too, not needing spare layers round my hips, but they totally get friendly with my ribs when I do.)

  11. The Accidental Tangoiste March 10, 2011 at 2:32 am #

    Well, Miss Plumcake, on the strength of this recommendation, I’m giving them a try–in khaki, yet, which is … extremely optimistic, even possibly willfully amnesiac, of me. If they don’t work, that is why God made return policies. (I ordered the black too; just thought it might be worth taking one last chance on khaki, at that price.) I’m very curious to see how they’ll turn out for me!

  12. Christine March 13, 2011 at 4:37 pm #

    Thank you thank you thank you for recommending these pants! I ordered three pairs of 3x to fit me in the butt. The waist, when pulled up, gaps a lot. However, since I wear longer tops, it is no problem. I ADORE these pants otherwise, I’m 5-8 and they are long enough and have a classy looking wide leg, and the knit is substantial enough that I don’t look bumpy. Plus, I’m going to be able to wear these to work AND work out. It is so wonderful to wear good looking pants that don’t cut me in the waist. Thanks again!

  13. The Accidental Tangoiste March 16, 2011 at 4:42 pm #

    I declare these pants a success! I don’t even need to hem them! Thank you, thank you for the recommendation, Miss Plumcake–and enjoy a fantastic trip to Ireland!

  14. Miss Plumcake March 17, 2011 at 11:05 am #

    @Tangoist: I’m so glad! I’m wearing mine today.