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Manolo for the Big Girl | Archive | June, 2011
Archive - June, 2011

What Miss Plumcake is…

Greetings my little rock and roll hoochie koos (ha, you’re welcome for THAT earworm) how’s every little thing? Me, I’m great. Just living it up south of the border, which is technically north of where I actually live. Anyway, it’s Tuesday and time to find out
What Miss Plumcake is…


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The Return of the Lazy Monday Poll

I don’t know about you guys, but it’s been a long time since I’ve had an entertaining poll.

We’ve been on this pony ride for what, three years now? Four years? A long damn time that’s for sure, and so many of you have been with me from the beginning when I was just a simple country girl with a dream. Okay, I’ve never been a simple country girl with a dream, but imagine the movie version of this blog post and now picture me in a red and white gingham shirt and freckles, chewing on a piece of hay and looking up meaningfully into the mid-distance in preparation for what would definitely be a bitchin’ 1950’s-style montage with costumes provided by Edith Head.

Sorry, where was I?

Oh right.

Anyhoodle, I’ve known some of you so long you feel like family. I mean not MY family, because I actually talk to you, but someone’s family, and that’s nice. With that in mind, I’d like to have a rebirth, a renaissance s’il vous plait, of the Lazy Monday Poll.

So have it. Free for all, in the comments (provided you don’t get too rude, and remember this is a family blog so careful on the language) on anything that’s on your mind. If you ask a question, I’ll answer it. I know my email is notoriously wonky so if you emailed me and haven’t received a response, this is a good place to do it.

Oh, and because one great Monday Tradition calls for another, I won’t leave you without a bit of Monday Hotness.

I feel we should give a little quality ogling time to goalkeeper Tim Howard who did not have a great day during the Gold Cup final between the U.S. and Mexico. Apparently he temporarily forgot that the job, really the ONLY job, of the goalkeeper is to keep goals away which resulted in a 4-2 win for Chicharito and our friends south of the border.

That being said, he’s a good keeper and he worked wonders in my fantasy box all last year*, so let’s show him a little love, and by love I mean as always, base objectification.

*Yes, I constructed this entire post just so I could use that line. I’m not proud.

Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness: The Mountainous Mammary Molder Edition: The Result

Hey there, caption lovers!

Last week I insulted your collective intelligence with this deathless image:

And you all came back swinging with seventeen fabulous captions that had me rolling about on the floor helpless with mirth.

In the end, though, there can be but one winner. This week, it’s the fabulous and inimitable moiraeknittoo for this historical tidbit of awesome:

Howard Hughes’ first attempt to meld his interests went somewhat pear shaped.

Congratulations, moireknittoo, and thanks to everyone who played!

Five Great: Statement Swimsuits

So sometimes you want the Tankini of Boringly Efficient Doom and sometimes you want something a little less…practical. If your glamor knob goes up to 11 and you want to spend some time in the Not-So-Shrinking Violet Lounge,  why not check these out?

Catalina in Teal and Deep Lilac from Monif C.

The Catalina is probably a surprisingly flattering suit on a lot of women, especially the super pear-shaped and the small-chested apple, since the drape brings all the visual attention and weight to the chest which balances out wide hips and camouflages a non-existant waist. This might also  be a good choice for the gal who needs to wear a bra underneath her suit since –provided she can find a halter bra she likes– the fabric’s folds hide a multitude of bra-line sins.

Leopard print swimsuit

Out of the ordinary without being In Your Face Fashiony, the cut of this swimdress is still quite modest, but the animal print gives it edge. The trick is to commit. Wear a jangly gold necklace with it, or some fantastic wooden bracelets. Just something to give it a wild flavor.


Convertible swimsuit/minidress
in white and aqua

I think I mentioned this white one when I was having a moment over white bathing suits last week, but the more I look the more I like this convertible swim dress. I’m not sure if you’ve ever gone swimming in a cockail dress, but there is something that can be extremely sexy about it, maybe it’s because it’s just slightly forbidden, who knows, but this swim dress with adjustable side ruching can give you either that cute retro look or that longer mini-dress dress thing. It’s also a godsend for the long-torsoed girl who just can’t find a suit in her size that covers both her nooks AND crannies.

Torrid harlequin swim top

Okay, to me this is just about 10 pounds of ugly in a five pound bag, but I got e-abused for not catering to the younger crowd. Well, here. An off-the-shoulder Harlequin-goes-to-Havana swim top in various alarming shades of pink. I hope Miuccia Prada is happy, because she’s the one who brought the harlequin-chic for Miu Miu all those years ago. Enjoy it, kiddos.

Monaco in yellow and fuchsia

From the ridiculous to the sublime –or at least marginally better than that last thing– I really like this suit, and if I had ANY belief it would be long enough for me I’d buy it in every color.

Well, that’s enough swimsuit posts from me for a while. Did you find any that tickled your fancy or does the search continue? Let a girl know!

Five Great: Not So Basic Black Swimsuits

Monif C Barbados Plunge Suit

A few years ago Monif C introduced what I’d call the beta version of this swimsuit. It interested me so I picked one up and alas, it was Not Good On Me. However, it looks like the problems in the earlier version –too low neck, shirring in the wrong place– have been addressed and the “Barbados” looks like it could be a fun option for playing Bond Girl on the beach.

I know you’ll all throw rocks at me for this, but deep in the black, gin soaked recesses of my soul, I sort of love, love and YEARN for a leather bathing suit. I know, I know. It’s the same part of my brain that wants a wall treatment made entirely of living moss.

I rarely wear swimwear and I don’t think I’ve worn so much as a napa leather jacket in a decade, but sometimes when I’m all alone and the wind is whistling its lonesome song, that I sit back and pine for the leather bathing suit I’ll never (probably for the best) own.

 


Kiyonna Ava convertible swimsuit

Love.

This.

Suit.

I mean, I think we all know I’ve got an enormous soft spot for 50’s fashion, so odds are if you style a model like that I’ll love whatever she has on her body (and can I just give a shout out to the model? She must be the palest swimsuit model in the world. Holla at your easily sunburnt girl!)

Convertible halters have been all the rage in swimwear recently and this is a fantastic, classic iteration. Click through to see other variations, the front-cross halter is one of my favorites. Remember, lots of sunscreen and you’ll never have to worry about an unruly tan line.

Monif C Monaco in Black

I featured the fuchsia and yellow versions of this the other day, but the black one is worth mentioning too.

This is pretty much a pear-shaped girls dream.

It would definitely go in my personal collection if only I weren’t so long waisted. Monif C swimwear in my experience runs short, so a word to the tall torso-ed wise.

I’d also advise you to go a size up if you’ve never worn her swimwear, especially with a cutout detail, you don’t want your little pooch of flesh to get all pokey-outy (pokey-outy being a medical term) and look weird.

I think this would actually work BEST on long waisted girls, so if any of you try it and have success, let a sister know.

Jessica London one piece with chain strap

So what if you want interesting without In Your Face Sexy?

It’s a reasonable request.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a basic black maillot and adding a bit of unexpected interest, which is exactly what you get with this chain strap one piece from Jessica London.

A fun take on the hardware and single shoulder trends of the past few seasons, this swimsuit is interesting without veering off into Crazypants or overly sexy.

It’s also available in white, and I very nearly bought it for myself.

Monif C Belize suit with mesh inserts

And one more from Monif C., this time featuring lingerie-inspired mesh inserts.

I haven’t quite made up my mind on this one.

On one hand, I’m intrigued by the lingerie motif, I remember the Dior Haute Couture collection a few years back when everyone was still broke and he did almost nothing but separates, working in vintage-inspired lingerie pieces to give the illusion of a woman still getting dressed in the atelier. I loved that show. Sigh, Galliano.

The suit is lovely on Fluvia –that’s right, I’m capable of saying a nice thing about her, even though even though I really don’t like her as a model since she always looks like she’ll stain my white furniture– so darker toned girls have at it.

I’d suggest my fellow residents of Honky O’Sunburn’s School for the Perennially Alabaster might give this one a miss as the mesh might read too obvious and skew trashy rather than retro-cheeky.

What do you think?

 

Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness: The Mountainous Mammary Molder Edition

Hey kids! It’s time once again to play Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness!

You all know how this works. I post a pic that’s howling into the night for a good caption or three. You provide said captions via the comments function. Next week I declare a winner, and we all dance and sing hosannah in the streets… or, you know, appreciate a good joke.

This week’s image comes from the I’m Glad Mine Aren’t That Big file, and it looks a little like this:

Ready… set… snark!

Five Great: Non-Black Swimsuits

You can have any color you want as long as it’s black. I knew that was the battle cry of good ol’ Hank Ford, but I was unaware it has translated itself to plus size swimwear as well.

On most people, black can a little harsh for the beach. Which isn’t to say I don’t have a soft spot for it –next week have a post dedicated entirely to black swimsuits– but those of us who yearn to wear something other than black, red or some teeth-grindingly awful hibiscus print, let me hit you with a few sweet suits I’ve come across recently.

Solid Sweetheart Neckline Swimdress in rose and white
See? Sweet. This could actually skew a little retro –it would on me, anything I put on my body automatically turns to 1925 except for the things that go 1955– but it’s not at all costumey. I like that it’s both bright and soft enough to do service for my fellow pale girls, but not so pale or vibrant that it washes us out. Plus how gorgeous would this look on darker skin tones? So gorgeous I just might spit.


Retro Convertible Halter in Blue
Now HERE is retro. It’s also my anointed swimsuit for this summer. Although I never wear halter tops otherwise, I find the visual interest up top balances out my hips for a more evenly distributed hourglass. Another thing I dig about this suit is the straps are adjustable, so you can convert it from a halter (plus however else you want to tie it) to a bandeau.

I think big girls tend to overlook the strapless swimsuit. I’m not saying it’s the most practical thing in the world if you’re chasing after rugrats and whatnot, but for apples and broad-shouldered pears it can be extremely flattering. Plus no tan lines on your shoulders and perhaps MOST importantly, it allows you to wear big ridiculous necklaces, and if there is anything more entertaining than wearing big jewelry on the beach, I can’t print it here.

Fuchsia Berry Shirred Miracle Suit
I love this suit because it looks so fashiony and yet it’s a really easy look to pull off successfully. Almost anyone could wear this and look like a million bucks. Pale girls? Yep, just remember to wear some color on your lips. Dark girls? Heaven. I’d only advise against it if you’re extremely narrow shouldered since that deep plunge will make them look even more narrow. Other than that, have at it and try not to act surprised when people drool.


Teal Jewel Halter Swimdress
Oh man, how effortless is this? It’s easy fitting but the jeweled halter makes it special and unexpected, plus it draws the attention up to the neckline and face and not the hips and belly. I don’t subscribe to the theory that everyone must spend all their beach time covering their “flaws” but it’s nice to get a little attention focused to where you want it, WITHOUT showing off a ton of rack.

Boho Print Swimdress
I almost wanted to call this a Liberty print because my grandmother had a Liberty scarf from the early 70’s that is very similar, but that doesn’t really have anything to do with the story other than it’s surprising she got a Liberty of London scarf in Thailand and kept it because, despite her many many fine qualities, all that woman’s taste was in her mouth. Anyway, It’s a refreshing break from All Enormous Florals All The Time and great for anyone who wants to nod to her inner hippie chick without busting out the love beads and roach clips.

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