Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

January 23, 2012

Lazy Poll Monday: Who Moved My Cheese Edition

Filed under: Lazy Poll — Miss Plumcake @ 3:55 pm

You know you’ve had a rough weekend when the best thing you can say is no one threw up directly ON you.

True, it makes for a pleasant change from last weekend when I was not so fortunate, but I woke up on the wrong side of every bed west of the Mississippi this morning (in the I’m-Very-Grumpy way, not the I’m-Gonna-Need-Some-Penicillin way) and my situation has not improved in the three hours since I was rousted from my peaceful slumber by the lovelorn cries (okay, technically lovelorn telephone calls) of a very nice former Golden Gloves boxer with whom I struck up an acquaintance over the summer.

The Man with the Golden Glove has the dubious honor of being the only man who has ever carried me down a flight of stairs as an adult without using any type of complex winch and pulley system. Impressive, yes, but it does not excuse a telephone call before nine in the morning. Still, he’s very sweet and has been hit in the head an awful lot so I did my best not to be openly hostile, which I think is as much as can reasonably be expected before my feet have hit the floor.

THEN I stumbled down to the kitchen to fix myself some cornbread and a restorative only to discover the fresh butter I got from the lady who sells baggies of various unlabeled dairy products at a little shop down the street tasted like cheese and the memory of an unpleasant scene from yesterday came flooding back.

See, someone who shall remain nameless started rooting around in my cheese cage (not a euphemism) and decided my carefully arranged cheeses should all go live together in the refrigerator because apparently this person was raised by wolves/howler monkeys/some other animals that don’t understand the importance of not messing with a woman’s Camembert without express written consent and thus are to be pitied and very occasionally killed.

Unbeknownst to me, in attempt to right an egregious wrong and get that weird vein in my forehead to stop pulsing profanities in Morse code, the person who was raised by wolves/howler monkeys/etc decided to put everything back EXCEPT he took the previously mentioned fresh dairy butter (which, it should be noted, tasted of nothing but baby angels and cream) and put it in the same cubby of the cheese cage as my most rank and resplendent soft-ripening cheeses.

So, despite it being before noon here on The Wrong Coast, I am calling this day a wash and have decided to spend it in the Texas Room with my best friend, Sweet Lady Internet.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Lazy Poll Monday and I’ve been greatly remiss in responding to your comments, so let’s give it a go. You know the rules: Anything (almost) goes. Tell me what you’ve been doing, what’s on your mind, survey the MftBG readers for answers to life’s mysteries. Anything you want, just keep it clean.


  1. Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with a troublesome elderly relative? I’m my grandmother’s chief…let’s go with companion/caretaker, and I am just at my wits’ end. Her memory is going, and she’s been responding by being really, really mean. Trying to think of her as a toddler has been unhelpful, because toddlers don’t tell you that you’re a loser and no one will ever love you. How do I refrain from murdering her in her sleep?

    Comment by Scarlett — January 23, 2012 @ 4:36 pm

  2. @Scarlett: Oh I wish I did. All I have is hairpats and a probably misguided suggestion to bully her right back because that’s the only way I ever had success. I went through something similar with two family members who turned from quirky to just plain old mean-spirited and it was devastating (and let’s not forget my beloved great-grandmother’s last words to me as a 14 year old: “Have you always been that fat?”) Doing what you’re doing is unimaginably difficult. for the people who’ve never gone through it. I might suggest calling hospice –there is a special place in heaven for hospice workers– explain your situation and ask if there are any resources they could recommend. Even if she’s not in the hospice system, they’ve almost certainly seen this before and might be able to help you out. Good luck, and I’m pulling for you.

    Comment by Miss Plumcake — January 23, 2012 @ 5:20 pm

  3. @Scarlett – As someone who has been a caretaker for elderly family members (both of my grandparents) I have the following advice:

    1. Please call hospice (if she is eligible), visiting angels, some other type of respite care or other family members. It will save your sanity.
    2. If this is a personality change from the norm, please get her an appointment with their doctor. Something could be going on medically.
    3. Recognize that you are a good person doing a very hard thing, and sometimes you are going to have unkind thoughts about your grandmother. I did and felt awful about it but it just makes you human.
    4. Find someone who isn’t connected to this to talk to. It doesn’t have to be a psychologist, but if it is going to be a non-professional remember to talk to them about other things too. You don’t want to burn out your friends, but they can be part of your support system.

    I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you get the help that you need.

    Comment by Jessica — January 23, 2012 @ 6:32 pm

  4. @Scarlett: Breaks, lots and lots of breaks if you can manage to get them. Are there any places you mind find respite care for her to get you at least one day off a week, perhaps a bit more? My husband volunteers with an elder organization and he sits with people who need constant care or company at meal times. Hugs to you, Scarlett: you are my hero for taking care of somebody who needs it.

    Comment by Lisa from SoCal — January 23, 2012 @ 6:37 pm

  5. First: @Scarlett you are Fighting the Good Fight and doing the work of whatever diety/ies you believe in.

    Second: I can’t give any advice for handling the meanies directly but I did find something that worked really well when my grandmother had episodes of dementia. Since she asked pretty much the same questions everytime and had the same worries everytime and was hard-of-hearing (practically deaf, honestly) I worte down the answers/reassurances for her on a steno pad and flipped it to the correct page when she’d ask. After she’d read the whole thing over several times it started to stick with her and she’d remember where she was and why and when. I got the idea from 50 First Dates, no kidding.

    Comment by Ellen W. — January 23, 2012 @ 7:08 pm

  6. @ Scarlet, youve gotten some stellar advice. Let me add the idea of meditation. I also close my eyes and imagine walking through the shoe department of my favorite boutique.

    Hang in there:)

    Comment by Peaches — January 23, 2012 @ 8:42 pm

  7. Ive spent the week feilding robo-calls from the GOP candidates. There were 17 on my machine one day! Now that theyve left Charleston for Florida alls good with the world.

    Comment by Peaches — January 23, 2012 @ 8:49 pm

  8. I’m fight stress + apathy at work. Not sure if it now qualifies as strapathy, ’cause I hear you have to pay extra for that downtown.

    Comment by Diane — January 24, 2012 @ 12:00 am

  9. Ok, this thread needs some good news. I have nothing particularly spectacular to report, except that I taught myself how to make a dirty martini last week.

    Now, Peaches, lemme tell you about my flat tax proposal… :)

    Comment by Lisa from SoCal — January 24, 2012 @ 12:27 am

  10. Thanks, everyone, for the good advice – and sorry I was such a downer kicking it off. I think I just need a break, to be honest with you. So I’m going to try to get an auntie to take her out to dinner one night this week, and give me some time to myself.

    On the Good News track, my sister was out with her boyfriend’s mom and she told her how pretty I was (we met for the first time on Christmas). This is not something I hear a lot of, particularly since my sister is a teeny, glamorous, blue-eyed blonde, and I am…none of those things. The fact that my sister called me specifically to tell me was extra gravy.

    Comment by Scarlett — January 24, 2012 @ 12:40 am

  11. You could be glamorous and I am living proof that brown eyes are the shizzle. :)

    Comment by Lisa from SoCal — January 24, 2012 @ 1:18 am

  12. @Lisa from SoCal – brow eyes are amazing! I have a pair as well.

    Non sequitur – Japan is amazing!!!! I recommend everyone go visit – the only Japanese I knew before I went was:

    Konnichiwa (hello), Sayonara (goodbye), Ichi, Ni, San (1, 2 ,3) and Domo Arigato (Mr Roboto) and everything worked out totally fine! Granted I was coached on a few more phrases once I was in Japan – but still! Hand gestures and pointing along with the incredible helpful/friendliness of the Japanese people worked great!

    Plus – hot canned/bottled drinks out of vending machines! Amazing.

    Comment by Sam — January 24, 2012 @ 12:36 pm

  13. Late to the party (and a an earlier thread) but I just wanted to say that I love how many people wanted Steven Moffett at their fantasy dinner party.

    Comment by Thea — January 24, 2012 @ 1:29 pm

  14. Three words: I’ve discovered Pinterest.

    Comment by ChloeMireille — January 24, 2012 @ 1:44 pm

  15. @Sam
    I feel the same way about Bourdeaux. I was afraid it would live up to the reputation of ‘The French’, but the Bourdelais were incredibly kind and found great humor in my horrendous pronunciation and sentence structure. Nice people, a well thought out public transportation system, French wine, cheese and oysters made for a vacation I would be willing to repeat any time.

    Comment by jojo.k — January 24, 2012 @ 4:52 pm

  16. I’m doing really well in my Hematology classes, which is great since I fainted in the first lab, slept through the second lecture and was late to the third lab because my car died. I like tedious, mind-numbing tasks, and counting a thousand red blood cells is a blast for me.

    Comment by Rachel of Cyberia — January 24, 2012 @ 5:59 pm

  17. @Sam, totally agree with you on Japan! I knew only Arigato (Thank you) and ich, ni, san, shi (1,2,3,4) :).

    This year I was in Norway, and all I knew was “Tusen Takk” (literally, Thousand thanks – thank you very much). It was amazing seeing all those fjords, rocks and snow! (Not that I am new to snow as a Canadian..)

    Eventually, all I may learn from my travels will be how to say “thank you” in several languages. But again, how appropriate for a Canadian :).

    Comment by Violet — January 24, 2012 @ 9:59 pm

  18. Best wishes to Scarlett. Hugs.

    I am looking for a basic black sheath dress. I haven’t located anything in bricks-and-mortar stores. Does anyone have any (online) ideas? I would appreciate any help.

    Take care of yourselves, OK?

    Comment by dcsurfergirl — January 24, 2012 @ 10:25 pm

  19. Has Sherlock hit BBC America yet? We had a new series over Christmas and it was MARVELLOUS! It’s Moffat (bbc series, not the film), and it’s just about the best thing in the world!

    Comment by Josie — January 25, 2012 @ 4:38 am

  20. Hi Josie, the second season of Sherlock hasn’t hit the US yet but a lot of us have seen it – you are right, it is FAB.

    I often fantasize about Moffat and Aaron Sorkin (who wrote West Wing) what a sandwich that would be……

    Comment by Thea — January 25, 2012 @ 11:45 am

  21. @dcsurfer
    I’ve gotten lucky with Kiyonna,, but they don’t currently have anything I would consider an pure sheath dress.

    Comment by jojo.k — January 25, 2012 @ 4:59 pm

  22. Thanks, jojo.k! At least those are a few real options.

    But why is it so hard to get classic go- to pieces in plus sizes? Frustrating! Sorry, I just got a Lane Bryant sales brochure with loads of huge prints. I now have a headache.

    Comment by dcsurfergirl — January 25, 2012 @ 9:24 pm

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