I’m not that great at hair.
I mean I’m not terrible, but while I’m usually about to break down any other aspect of a person’s style success and explain mathematically why it works (or doesn’t) when it comes to hair I’m sort of like “well, do this because it’ll probably look nice and if not, it’s only hair: It’ll grow.”
It’s been five years since I defied all received Fat Girl Wisdom and went for an Eton crop/pixie cut and I still count it as the best thing to have come out of my brief engagement to the French Chef. Considering he gave me a Birkin and a townhouse in Lyon (which I couldn’t keep for some tangled Franco-American reason) that’s saying something.
I cropped my hair in preparation to meet his beloved and completely intimidating widowed mother. La Veuve Witchypoo was not enthused at the prospect of her only child, the light of his generation and only scion of a old and storied family, marrying an American, and not just an American, but a Protestant, and not just an American Protestant, but a FAT American Protestant. AND I had big teeth. I never quite figured out why the big teeth bothered her, but the rest I knew counted against me. So in the interest of hedging my bets, I went to my stylist and had her chop away, leaving nothing but a chic cap of hair with little kiss curls framing my face.
It worked, thank goodness, and I vaguely knew it had something to do with my enormous frog eyes and big lips, but I couldn’t explain why it worked exactly.
Half a decade later I have my answer, thanks to Imogen Lamport of Inside Out Style.
According to John Frieda, hairdresser to the stars, a measurement of 5.5cm or less from the base of the ear to the bottom of the chin is important, this is because it makes you look less jaw heavy (a more ‘masculine’ trait). So in general, shorter face shapes (square and round) find it easier to carry off shorter hair.”
Math! Now we’re talkin’. That makes so much sense! It explains why it works on me, and looks so cute on Michelle Williams and Ginnifer Goodwin (even with Those Ears) both of whom have round/heart shape faces but on Pink it’s a little Early Eddie Izzard.
Lamport continues by pointing out stuff I kind of already knew: big eyes, big lips, great cheekbones all help. Let me go one further: it has to suit your personality. I already look like Betty Boop with a glandular issue, so her haircut was a no brainer for me, but imagine the divine Helena Bonham Carter with a chic little crop. Her face would be perfect for it, but her personality is a complete mismatch.
What do you think about cropped hair on big girls? Do you have any follicular wisdom that has helped you along the way to The Perfect Cut? Put it in the comment!