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The Gospel According to Saint Dolly of Parton | Manolo for the Big Girl

The Gospel According to Saint Dolly of Parton

“It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”

Christian Louboutin Studded Patent Leather Platform Pumps, $1395.00 at Saks Fifth Avenue

Giuseppe Zanotti Printed Metallic Suede Wedge Pumps $795 at Saks Fifth Avenue

Brian Atwood Alesha Studded Leather Platform Pumps $970 at Saks Fifth Avenue

But if you HAD to wear one, which one gets your well-shod nod?

30 Responses to “The Gospel According to Saint Dolly of Parton”

  1. Jacquilynne August 10, 2012 at 9:21 am #

    I don’t suppose this is the criteria you were expecting, but the first one is the only one I even might be able to walk in. (Not walk well, but take the occasional stumbling step in.)

    If it were a more reasonable height, the studded leather of the last one might be cute. Though I’m not sure studded leather and peep toe really go together for me.

  2. Pegkitty August 10, 2012 at 9:25 am #

    The last one, easily.

  3. MrsBug August 10, 2012 at 9:59 am #

    Yeah, I’d go for the red spikes, for walkability, plus they are easily weaponized for the crass remarks you are sure to get.

  4. Leah August 10, 2012 at 10:09 am #

    Also, I <3 Dolly.

  5. ChaChaHeels August 10, 2012 at 10:10 am #

    I would have to choose depending on just how much damage I would do if I were to twist my ankle while walking in any of them, and how far down I’d have to fall as a result. Which means the Louboutin wins. However, Louboutin has hit rock bottom (I can only hope) with shoe ugliness, so I can easily live without them.

  6. Lorraine August 10, 2012 at 10:19 am #

    The Louboutins. I can’t resist red shoes.

  7. jfsnyder August 10, 2012 at 10:40 am #

    It depends. Do I get to have a good looking red-headed handler like Lady Gaga to help me walk? Because if so then the Atwood. If I have to walk without assistance I’ll stick to my bare feet thanks.

  8. Klee August 10, 2012 at 11:46 am #

    I would rather go barefoot over hot tar than wear any of these. Better to have my taste questioned than proven bad.

  9. txbunny August 10, 2012 at 11:55 am #

    Louboutins. Just enough bad taste to be interesting… :-)

  10. Leah August 10, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    Hmm… I chanced putting a link in my comment and I think it’s in the spam filter, so I’ll try again with no link. I’d wear the Loubs if I could add some green broaches to the toes for a strawberry look. Costumey? Maybe, but paired with a simple tailored sundress and maybe a straw hat and a perfect red lippy I think it can be pulled off.

    If no additions are allowed, then I’d go for the Zanotti, some dark jeans, a fabulous tank, a brass cuff, and hit the club. So what if I fall? Maybe some Locte look-alike will catch me. Oh, and prep two ice packs for my calves in the morning.

  11. Madame Suggia August 10, 2012 at 12:19 pm #

    Klee wins.

  12. Lisa in SoCal August 10, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

    I can’t possibly wear any of these but I love Dolly Parton.

  13. SarahC August 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm #

    My initial reaction was the bottom one but, on further thought, it might be fun to try the red spiky ones with a plain black dress and strategic accessories.

  14. Muscato August 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm #

    As a gentleman, I am unlikely (unless I experience an unexpected flashback to my wicked youth, several decades past) to appear in any of these, but were I to have to choose, def #3, although I’d prefer that the studs were tiny rhinestones, for that litte something extra/trashier.

  15. TeleriB August 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

    The red ones. Since walking would be impossible for me in any of them, I want the ones that would look most commanding as I lounge about my supervillain lair and order my minions to bring me things.

  16. Rebekka August 10, 2012 at 2:28 pm #

    I would only wear any of those shoes if someone paid me to do it, and I literally did not even have to stand up in them. In that case, though, the red ones. I think. They go with jeans, right?

  17. catrandom August 10, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

    The spiky red ones look like they would make the best defensive weapon, which could be handy since I’d be unable to run away, and possibly unable to stand up.

    I am not sure I even understand the second one. Is it supposed to look like a hoof? How do you not just topple right over backward?

  18. Jessica K August 10, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

    Hands down the Louboutin. With dark wash skinny jeans and this Adrianna Papell sequined top http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/adrianna-papell-sequin-v-neck-top-plus/3319602?origin=category&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=1026

    All kinds of flashy trashiness, with just a hint of style!

  19. skye August 10, 2012 at 6:00 pm #

    Mmmmm…red. Worn with a knee-length pencil skirt and fitted, one-button jacket. Probably in not-quite-black suiting.

  20. Wendy August 10, 2012 at 8:43 pm #

    Oh golly. I just realized the bottom one has studs, not pin dots. So then… none of the above, thanks.

  21. joods August 10, 2012 at 9:18 pm #

    I’d give the Loubs a try.
    Like their classic profile mixed w/ boom-boom-pow of the studs.

  22. barbara August 10, 2012 at 9:19 pm #

    I can’t imagine actually wearing any of them, but if i absolutely had to wear one– if, say the life of my first born child were at stake, or some one offered me pie– I’d probably pick the red louboutins. They’re ugly and cliched, but only really ridiculous. The other two are magnitudes of absurdity beyond. I actually cant imagine any time or place they would actually work. Well, the second ones might work with the right cosplay idea at a science fiction convention…

  23. Ravna August 11, 2012 at 12:32 pm #

    In real life I wouldn’t be able to walk in either of them, let alone have them on my feet.
    But for the sake of science..
    The third shoe is a no go, I have one dotted item in my wardrobe for the simple reason that it looks great on me. These shoes would not. I am not a friend of dots, curse you 80´s fashion flashbacks!
    Then I get into trouble. I can see myself with the red pair and some really severe graphical getup for a masquerade. But no… not good enough, I can find more interesting costumes with better shoes.
    The golden pair would look perfectly ordinary with a futuristic costume when cosplaying something like Star Trek though, especially the older pleasure oriented alien species…

  24. Thea August 11, 2012 at 1:01 pm #

    I’m with Klee but I would pay to Giuseppe Zanotti, Christian Louboutin and Brian Atwood try and walk in any of those monstrocities

    Shoes that high are only intended to be viewed from below, while they point toward the ceiling

  25. Ida August 11, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    The Zanottis are the most visually interesting. Doubt I could do any more than hobble in them, though.

  26. JosieBella August 11, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

    I am going with Ida and say the Zanottis. Don’t get me wrong I do like the Louboutins but I have to go with something a little more interesting.

  27. Sam August 12, 2012 at 3:20 am #

    the Zanotti – no questions asked

  28. Catherine August 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm #

    I adore Dolly! The red Louboutins, for sure – could totally see her wearing them!

  29. Jezebella August 14, 2012 at 2:34 pm #

    The weird biomorphic metallic Zanottis. The red ones look like plastic and the black ones look like stripper shoes. At least the Zanottis are eccentric. Not that I could walk 4 steps in any of these without falling over.

  30. katie August 17, 2012 at 10:31 am #

    I’d also go for the zanotti’s… they’re at least interesting in an architectural kind of way (and I’m sure that’s what I’d be thinking as I fell to the ground whilst trying to walk)