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Multiple Choice Time! | Manolo for the Big Girl

Multiple Choice Time!

Well here’s a fun question.

Let’s say you have a talented, dynamic, beautiful friend who announces on Facebook she’s getting married.

Then let’s say you notice the name of the person to whom she intends to be wed is not the same name as the chinless twerp she had been dating –you know, the one who rifled through your bourbon vault without consent, because God forbid he NOT use your $250 bottle of 23 year-old Pappy Van Winkle’s Family Reserve to mix with his Dr Pepper– and for whom she was entirely and in every way too good.

Do you

a) Express your elation that she finally dropped the drip and ask where she is registered

b) Ask who this new guy is, adding comments as to how it hardly matters because anyone, or anything –dust bunnies, parasites, that moldy lemon in the back of your fruit drawer you thought was a kiwi– is better than the amalgamation of body odor and Cheetos that was her previous paramour.

c) double, no triple, no quadruple check the new fiance’s name is not merely the old fiance who has suddenly and inexplicably decided to start going by his middle name.

Yeah.

On the bright side, I now have another weekend in June free, and the money I save on my half of a Kitchenaid can be diverted to buying these new Badgley Mischka’s which are on sale and won’t ever raid my liquor cabinet.

13 Responses to “Multiple Choice Time!”

  1. BJ September 21, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    I’d stick with a BADASS VICTORY THEME! This one’s my personal favorite, but Final Fantasy’s victory fanfare is good too.

    http://youtu.be/G2nSEZ6kEuk

  2. aa September 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm #

    In order: first c), then b), then a)

  3. Madame Suggia September 21, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

    Assuming you did a) b) and c) in that order (who hasn’t?) console yourself that you can go to her next wedding.

  4. Leah September 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

    Well, now I know how to save myself $200 and a terrible plate of overcooked prime rib. Thanks, Plummy. :-)

  5. Tora Pines September 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    Ms. Plumcake is clearly the big winner here. I can think of a few ill-advised nuptials I’d gladly go back and trade for those shoes.

  6. aa September 21, 2012 at 6:09 pm #

    Oh. Got it now. (My neuron’s slipping).

    Oh well. Be ready to be the shoulder-to-weep-on in — two years’ time?

  7. aa September 21, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

    Also — what kind of an idiot suddenly decides to go by his middle name? I mean, even E.M. Forster was called “Morgan” since he was a boy!

  8. Miss Plumcake September 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm #

    @AA: The sort of idiot who mixes 23 year-old bourbon with Dr Pepper, obviously.

  9. Bethany September 21, 2012 at 9:17 pm #

    I have a chronic case of Footinmouth Syndrome, so probably A or B. Those shoes are gorgeous!

  10. cedarg September 21, 2012 at 10:39 pm #

    As someone who got reserve Pappy bourbon as a PhD graduation present, the thought of Dr. Pepper coming anywhere near my bottle makes me vaguely nauseous. Enjoy the shoes. Save a little bourbon for when she comes to you to toast the divorce.

  11. RHCD September 22, 2012 at 3:41 am #

    Well first those shoes are grade A sexy.

    And second. Whoopsie.

    Who the hell puts anything with “reserve” with it anywhere near a soda. Heathen!

  12. Tovah September 22, 2012 at 6:42 pm #

    a) will piss her off that you thought so little of her ex, whom she probably adored.
    b) See a.
    c) Could she really, actually do worse?

    On the plus side: GREAT SHOES!

  13. Lisa in SoCal September 23, 2012 at 11:39 am #

    Ooops. :)

    The shoes! The shoes! Ayyyyyyyy they are so pretty. There are many,many, many reasons to hate MS, but the fact that can’t wear heels is a big one. (Granted, a shallow one, but life is short, and pleasures fleeting, and DANG IT I loved being tall and wearing high heels.)