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Review Revue: Cheap Old School Granny Panties (you know you love them) | Manolo for the Big Girl

Review Revue: Cheap Old School Granny Panties (you know you love them)

I’m just going to come right out and say it: I love granny panties.

Love ’em.

Not only do I love them, I love them unapologetically. I am thirty-three damn years old, I pay my taxes, I vote in elections (local and federal), and I deserve to be free of the underpinnings of the patriarchy, both literally and figuratively.

Give me a full cotton brief in solid neutrals and I’m a happy woman. Nearly everything else is, at least in some fashion, objectionable. My life is exciting enough, I don’t need wacky underpants.

Hipsters/Boy Shorts: Seriously, who is the plus size woman for whom these are constructed? Because they’re certainly not for me. They insinuate themselves into places where no insinuation is required, while the parts you’d prefer to have hitched up make wind sprints for your ankles.

G-Strings and Thongs: I appreciate the lack of panty lines with g-strings and thongs, but aside from the unpleasant appearance that you’re slicing a ham with an eye patch, when your trunkular junk is of the quality and quantity mine is, walking around with it unfettered is ill-advised bordering on reckless. It’s all fun and games until someone walks into traffic.

Bikinis are fine, but they’re TVW* for VPL and again, the insinuation problem rears (see what I did there?)  its ugly head.

Another bonus: Granny panties don’t have writing on them.

I’m as big a fan of Marcel Duchamp as the next gal, but MY Mona Lisa doesn’t need a mustache, especially not one that implies I’m an easily-distracted raccoon, a prostitute, or an easily-distracted raccoon prostitute:

klassy.

Plus ever since I moved to Mexico, I seem to lose underwear like hockey players lose teeth.

Back in my pre-emmigration days, it was like the Marines. No one gets left behind (that’s how I know someone stole a pair of size 9 Delta Burke light control briefs my last night in Ireland) but now…I just don’t know where they go.

Does the washer eat them? Do the dolphins steal them to sell on the internet? Is some enterprising laundress creating makeshift windsurfing sails out of them? I couldn’t begin to tell you.

This has created a significant bloomer gap in my wardrobe.

Knowing I’m going to be traveling from October ’til December and traveling increases both my need for comfortable underthings and the likelihood I’ll lose them, I decided to get back to the most basic of basics, so I popped online to the Fruit of the Loom store on Amazon.

I was interested in their new Fit For Me plus-size line, so I decided to do my own little comparison test and bought two packs of what are essentially the same underwear.

I actually found the normal FotL briefs to be more comfortable than the Fit for Me specifically plus-size underwear.

The Fit for Me briefs have a thicker elastic waistband, about 1″ compared to the 3/4″ on the regular briefs, which is nice. However, the leg placement of the Fit for Me was considerably lower than the straight-sized ones, which meant they felt a little more binding than the regular pair, where the difference between the leg opening and the waist band allowed them to sit comfortably without hugging so far down on my thigh.

My review?

Well, neither of them are uncomfortable and even with the Fat Girl Tax on the Fit for Me pairs, you’re still paying less than $2.50 per piece.

I guess I’d say if you’re over a size 26 or an apple who carries most of her weight in her stomach, you might find the Fit for Me more comfortable, but if you’re a pear, stick with regular briefs. The size 10 easily fits a hippy size 24/26, and you’ll skip the Fat Girl Tax.

*The Very Worst

18 Responses to “Review Revue: Cheap Old School Granny Panties (you know you love them)”

  1. Rebekka September 27, 2012 at 10:40 am #

    Me too.

    Regarding thongs etc, I actually think that the granny pant is a better way to avoid vpl if you are squashy, since the leg opening sits so low/under the buns. Whereas thongs will just give you vpl on your hips.

  2. Violet September 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

    Nope, don’t love granny panties. The elastic around the leg openings is very uncomfortable for me. My preferred panty is a bikini, although since I am so short-waisted, the waistband actually sits at my waist. I love Lane Bryant’s “string” bikini style (http://www.lanebryant.com/stretch-cotton-string-bikini-panty/p42200/index.pro?selectedColor=Cocktail%20Hour#productTabs_1 **) because of the open sides but the vpl factor is high. They don’t “insinuate” themselves but that may be because my booty is wide but not deep. Since I am a jeans-wearing college student these days, the risk of vpl is low, but when I wear dress pants I go with a boyshort, which has a very low vpl factor.

    ** How plus size is that model, I ask you??

  3. Rubygirl September 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    I love this review–thanks! Granny panties forever! But–what is TVW? (Did I miss the explanation?)

  4. ananas September 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm #

    I have one question about granny panties: How do you wear them with jeans? Or even slacks, really, but then my shirt is generally tucked. But I don’t even wear particularly low cut jeans, and my experience has been that unless it’s a lower cut, they’ll stick out like a sore thumb when I lean forward, bend over, etc. Yeah, your shirt covers that, but if it rides up at all?

    Anyway. I’m somewhere between a pear and an hourglass, and I wear hipsters, but from very particular lines that have a cut that covers all of the cheeks. As Rebekka says, the trick is hitting under the buns! Contains all that jelly, and I rarely have to deal with VPL, even in tighter pants or slacks.

    (Weirdly, I’ve had excellent luck with Aerie, but I’m an inbetweenie size– big for a straight sized store, too small for a plus sized store. I do generally shop online so I don’t have to confront the fact that I’m shopping alongside teenyboopers, though.)

  5. Astra September 27, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    Nope, bikini bottoms for me. I remember watching a movie as a teenager where the actress stripped to reveal matching bra and panties. I thought this was the epitome of sophistication and grownup femininity. So now that I can afford it, I wear pretty lingerie and it makes me happy. Thanks to the internet, it’s easier to find appropriate sizes, too.

  6. Melissa September 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

    I have never understood how anyone can wear a thong. That fabric working its way in between would drive me stark, raving mad.

    Love Just My Size cotton briefs. Breathable and comfy.

  7. Kelly Girl September 27, 2012 at 5:24 pm #

    As with a lot of other clothes, I think body shape plays a large part in what underwear does/does not work for a person. So the same way mid- and lower-rise jeans allowed short-waisted girls to finally have jeans that don’t attempt to strangle them when they sit down, underwear that’s just a little lower rise can sit where it would on any normal person. I’m a short-waisted apple and I honestly do not know what I would do without the Cacique hipsters. They sit just below my belly-button so they’re high enough that the waist doesn’t roll down but it’s not uncomfortable.

  8. MissMel September 27, 2012 at 8:36 pm #

    I have to comment on weird leg hole placement on a recent undie purchase. I bought was I thought was my regular brand. When they arrived I thought the color and material were a little off from what I expected but when I tried to put them on I realized they weren’t my regular brand. The leg kept creeping down my thigh. When I really took a look at them I realized what was wrong. They weren’t shaped like panties at all. They were shaped like a diaper cover. The leg holes pointed down instead of forward. Do the manufacturers really think plus sized women never have to walk and just lay in bed like a newborn?

  9. Urban Chick September 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    Hipster cut…all the way. I only wear granny panties when I work out. And my tushy lurves the occasional scribble! ;)

  10. ChloeMireille September 27, 2012 at 11:50 pm #

    Love granny panties. Love them. They’re the only thing I wear.

  11. Natalie September 28, 2012 at 12:43 pm #

    I am a thong wearer for the most part. If I am wearing a skirt or dress, then Spanx are my go-to undergarment. I also wear boyshorts. I find full-coverage panties to be too much for me. I am short, so they cover more than they should on me.

  12. Nomi September 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm #

    Yeah, I’m Team GP all the way. But… am I the only one out there who finds the word “panties” creepy and offensively anti-feminist? All my life, that word has called up visions of those rows-of-ruffle-butt diaper-cover things for toddlers (and frankly, that’s not doing little girls any favors either!). I always say underwear or underpants. Too bad we don’t use the British words pants (for under-) and trousers (for outer-). How did “panties” (feh! ptui!) get started, anyway?

  13. txbunny September 28, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

    Thongs, boyshorts, and bikinis for me. I am also a member of the matching bra and undie club – just say some of my creole heritage is peeking out.

    I couldn’t find a granny panty long enough in the stride in my size that is comfie to save my life. The upward creep over the butt is just plain aggravating.

    I am going to be a heretic here and say thongs can be flattering and very comfie if fitted properly – my go to style is Natori Body Doubles Lace Trimmed G-Strings because the stride is longer (this is an big issue with my height), the lace is very soft, they stay put, and they wash/dry quickly making them excellent for travel.

    Otherwise Freya and Fantasie get my money.

    As for VPL, the boy shorts and thongs are a non-issue. Wear binikis and boyshorts under a-line to full dresses.

  14. Jeni September 28, 2012 at 7:02 pm #

    Granny panties have there place for me….one week a month or when I don’t feel good and there is zero risk of my bf seeing them. I’m a bikini girl with the ocational hipster thrown in for giggles. I can do the thongs but for some reason g-strings drive me absolutely batty! I’ve never understood boy shorts, maybe I’m just not built for them. The few pairs I have end up looking like full cut granny panties with super loose legs. And why in the world are the crotchs of those things like only like 1/2 inch wide?! I should never have a wedge IN THE FRONT!

    @nomi- I also hate the word panty….I can say granny panties but when I say it it comes out granny pannies. The word is creepy, like moist. I wear underwear!

  15. Leigh Ann September 29, 2012 at 10:56 am #

    I’m a granny panty girl myself. Boy shorts are horribly uncomfortable on me. They ride up. Bikinis give me VPL. (Not to put too fine a point on it, I have a big bottom.) And thongs? Forget it. The enduring appeal of those is a mystery to me! But there is no reason granny panties have to look bad or be stuck with the reputation of being unsexy. I have some plain cotton ones, but I also have some very nice ones–they’re very pretty–and to me, they have a retro feeling that I adore. I have some with matching bras. And they’re comfortable, and they leave no panty lines.

  16. Thea September 29, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    Team Grown Woman panties here (with a nod to hating the name grannie panties). Hipsters cut right across my jiggyiest parts and it ain’t pretty.

    I switched from cotton to Jockey french cut microfibers when I found out that they keep me fresher in the swamps of Central Texas

  17. La Petite Acadienne October 1, 2012 at 8:42 pm #

    Hipsters keep falling down on me. Briefs bind and chafe me in the crease between leg and groin. And I’m with Plummy on the thong issue — unfettered bum jiggle just does not work for me. I tend to suffer and wear the briefs, and just take them off the nanosecond I get home. But if I’m wearing anything that isn’t tight, I wear men’s boxer briefs. Comfy, no chafing or binding — ahh…Heaven!

  18. qbertina October 4, 2012 at 8:43 pm #

    Seriously recommend French cut to short-waisted pears and hourglasses.