Whisky Tango Foxtrot: Quinceañera edition

Oh man, do I love quinceañeras. They are all-singing, all-dancing explosions of almost invariably bad taste and I can’t get enough. Sure there are Sweet Sixteen parties and the prom, but those are small party potatoes compared to the pure unadulterated garishness that can only be achieved when an entire extended family gets together to realize the most lurid tulle-filled fantasies harbored deep in the rhinestone and zebra print corners of a 15 year-old girl’s mind.

I have always been a big proponent of youthful excess. I wore tasteful, elegant evening gowns to all my teenage soirees and now I regret it. Why? Because now that’s all I can wear, at least without suffering some unwanted social repercussions.

It is with fondness –and full admission I might wear this for my quince-themed birthday party next year– that I present to you the latest object for Whisky Tango Foxtrot.

You all remember the rules, right? Give me a situation, the kookier the better, where this would be an appropriate outfit. To make things a bit more challenging, this time we’ll rule out references to quinceañeras, Cyndi Lauper and Gay Pride Parades.

Hit me with your best shot! Fire away-ay-ay.

40 Responses to “Whisky Tango Foxtrot: Quinceañera edition”

  1. Jacquilynne November 20, 2012 at 11:02 am #

    Clearly, this is what you wear whilst singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow whilst suspended from the ceiling above an adoring crowd of pre-teen fans.

  2. Cassie November 20, 2012 at 11:05 am #

    Your audition for a role as Disney’s newest ‘princess’, Georgina, an aspiring drag queen who works nights at a formal fabrics factory to pay for a very expensive upcoming operation, and has crafted this lovingly from scraps that she salvaged.

  3. Elaine C. November 20, 2012 at 11:15 am #

    If you are a good girl, the snow cone fairy will grant you three flavors.

  4. Isabella November 20, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    Cosplaying My Little Pony’s Twilight Sparkle

  5. Jen Anderson November 20, 2012 at 11:21 am #

    I would wear this to Michael Kors’ birthday party, to give him the gift of being able to say “She looks like she’s pooping a rainbow,” in the most TV-unfriendly terms possible. It would also inspire him to be kinder to the Project Runway contestants because even with only a day, they tend to come up with something better than this.

  6. marvel November 20, 2012 at 11:29 am #

    Ack! Isabella has already scored with My Little Pony, but my first thought is that this dress is what happened when Princess Celestia mindmelded with Twilight Sparkle and Rarity turned them into a dress for another Royal Wedding.

  7. Klee November 20, 2012 at 11:29 am #

    This is clearly the maid of honor dress for the marriage of my little pony and rainbow brite

  8. evilsciencechick November 20, 2012 at 11:46 am #

    Looking at the rainbow, the sparkles, the frills, the just over-the-big-top of it all, 3 words come to mind:

    Lesbian. Clown. Wedding.

    yessssssssssss!!!!

  9. KESW November 20, 2012 at 12:07 pm #

    I also thought of My Little Pony, but there’s a definite Grandmama’s antimacassar thing going on in the front as well with all the lace. My guess is that there are no legs on that model, only a bell clapper, and that it is meant to hang on an enormous Christmas tree.

  10. leeapeea November 20, 2012 at 12:11 pm #

    Kristi squealed with delight as her birthday wish came true: her beautiful doll cake had come to life! Regret for the missed slice of rainbow-iced skirt (surely with chocolate cake below- her favorite) was fleeting. The Princess Cake Lady reached out for Kristi’s hand and smiled, “Let’s play dress-up.”

  11. TeleriB November 20, 2012 at 12:16 pm #

    Thirding the MLP, although I pegged it as a cosplay of Princess Rainbow Dash.

    …No, I have no idea if Rainbow Dash is ever a princess for an episode, but I don’t think that has to stand in the way of cosplay.

  12. Julie November 20, 2012 at 1:19 pm #

    Costume from the bath-scrubby can-can ballet, from the off-off-off-off Broadway (Syracuse) production of “That episode of the Dick Van Dyke Show Where Laura’s Toe Gets Caught in a Bath Spout.”

  13. Carrie November 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm #

    When you’re hired to be the princess at a My Little Pony themed birthday party.

  14. Mallory November 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm #

    Good for when you need versatility in your outfit – two dresses in one. Just turn that sucker around and you’ve got an entirely new (although not much improved) look.

  15. katydid November 20, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

    The perfect dress to audition to be the new “NBC Peacock”

  16. Jelly November 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

    Since my first thought was, “Dios mio!” I will strive to give you something more interesting, like, “Contrary to the photo, quinceanera does translate to ‘arc-en-ciel’ or ‘rainbow.”
    No, I’m still stuck at ‘dios mio’.

  17. Karri November 20, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

    Is this what Rainbow Bright wore when she got married?

  18. Laurie November 20, 2012 at 5:59 pm #

    Dude. I would have totally worn that for my wedding. I love that rainbow crinoline!!

  19. Nancy November 20, 2012 at 6:29 pm #

    Lacking dark green velvet drapes, a desperate Scarlett O’Hara turned to look at the shower curtains.

  20. daisyj November 20, 2012 at 7:40 pm #

    You are a newly minted CIA agent and your first job is to infiltrate the Lisa Frank Liberation Front’s annual cotillion and liberate three political prisoners and a minifridge. There are tranquilizer darts concealed in your gloves and your tiara is a detonator. Good luck; you’ll need it.

  21. Chantal November 20, 2012 at 11:29 pm #

    Surely this is THE dress to wear whilst riding a unicorn named Precious through the streets surrounding your castle after your return from the tower where your evil stepmother locked you up after an ominous prophecy foretold on the day of your birth cautioned her against “the one who farts rainbows”.

  22. Christine November 21, 2012 at 12:33 am #

    This is clearly the dress to wear when one is being crowned Queen of the Bronies. Because friendship is magic my friend, and that dress looks like friendship threw up all over it.

  23. RHCD November 21, 2012 at 1:17 am #

    The lovely drag version of a grown up Rainbow Brite prepares for the gala!

  24. AnthroK8 November 21, 2012 at 1:42 am #

    As she grinned into the New York Times reporter’s camera lens, Anna reconsidered. “This is not what I had in mind when I said I would do anything for tickets to an Inaugural Ball.” She said to herself. “I should have said ‘I would do anything… except dress in the traditional gown of the Clown Wig Makers Lobby.’”

  25. BJ November 21, 2012 at 11:18 am #

    (flips through dictionary)

    Hey, does anybody know the word for a cotton candy fetish?

  26. Mifty November 21, 2012 at 4:31 pm #

    I have nothing to contribute except @daisyj: That made me laugh out loud.

  27. jeanine November 21, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

    So this what Tocan Sam’s mail order bride would look like…….I’ve always wondered……

  28. Bush piglet November 22, 2012 at 11:35 am #

    I’d wear it to Pottery Barn. It’s perfect. People are going to be so worried about your rainbow diarrhoea that they aren’t even going to notice that you’ve shoved half the store under your skirt.

  29. KESW November 22, 2012 at 11:53 am #

    All the votes for daisyj! I had completely forgotten about Lisa Frank – too perfect!

  30. dcsurfergirl November 23, 2012 at 2:21 am #

    Why do I keep thinking of toilet paper cover dolls?

  31. dani November 23, 2012 at 4:31 pm #

    AnthroK8 is a genius.

  32. dani November 23, 2012 at 4:34 pm #

    Marilyn Manson’s off duty attire?

  33. dani November 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    In a moment of self doubt, the soon to be bride wondered if her fingerless gloves were just ” too much” for her outfit.

  34. Jen209 November 23, 2012 at 11:40 pm #

    Since someone else already took my Scarlett curtains reference, I’ll just say this: I want to know what the shoes look like that go with this dress.

  35. michelle November 24, 2012 at 2:19 am #

    lady lovely locks cosplay

  36. Candace Jeffries November 24, 2012 at 3:21 am #

    The Fairy Godmother Association regretfully removed Liberace from it’s substitute list…

  37. moiraeknittoo November 25, 2012 at 1:40 am #

    This is not what Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle had in mind when they were persuaded to donate their manes “for the kids”.

  38. Philip November 27, 2012 at 11:00 am #

    “…and Miss California enters the stage in her wonderfully-ruffled ‘Tribute to Timothy Leary’ ensamble.”

  39. tabitha-tabitha November 29, 2012 at 12:57 am #

    Hello All. I really like this dress. I would have stepped into my prom some years ago with this on, but the guy would have to be awesome as well. lol. But i would most likely wear it to an ex’s wedding/party/anything as to where he will see me in it. Also, my wedding dress for my 5th wedding maybe. or a family formal gathering.

  40. diablo 3 gold December 6, 2012 at 11:53 am #

    I hardly think that there is anyone who has the guts to step up they admit buying gold limited by WoW based forum most notably MMO-Champion. Hence I think there should be an anonymous poll. I on the other hand have never bought gold or items. I consider it a bit of cheating