You all know how this works: I pick a picture that amuses me on some level, and you all commet with your best captions. Next week, I declare a winner and we all laud the comic stylings of talented big girls.
So here we go:
Ready…set…snark!
As I sit here with my brain melting slowly into my keyboard, all I can think of is wanting something cool to drink and something equally cool to wear. I’ll be getting the first of many glasses of iced tea in a moment. Then I may just head over to Woman Within and take advantage of their one-day sale.
Okay, so they haven’t made further discounts on anything that I can see, but they did send me a sale code which I’m going to share with all of you: today only, if you use the code WW23575 at checkout, you’ll get 50% off one item.
My choice would probably be this cool-as-a-cucumber all cotton big shirt.
It’s got pretty pintucks, 3/4 sleeves, and can be worn equally well loose for breezyness or belted for chic. It also comes in five different colors, so one is sure to flatter your coloring. The price is certainly right at any time ($24.99 list), but getting it half off is a deal I find difficult to resist.
For the most part, I’m pretty live and let live about fashion statements. I firmly believe that there is a body out there that is flattered by nearly every possible cut and definitely every single color, even if there are things I know darn well not to try on myself. Pink? Not for me. It makes me look jaundiced. On many others, however, it’s superfantastic. Empire waists? Not for everybody, but one that is cut just right makes me look like my poor little A+ cups are actually holding something up. I am one of the few women I’ve ever met who looks really good in lime green. I know that just because something doesn’t work on me doesn’t mean it won’t work on anybody at all.
Every once in a while, though, I run across something so heinous that my mind boggles and even I run out of words to describe the horror. This morning, before I’d even finished caffeinating myself into full consciousness, I found such an item.
Oh, Zaftique. Why? What possessed you? How quickly can we cast it out?
Which imp of perversity caused someone to design this fabric? I know splashy patterns are all the rage, but there are splashy patterns and splashy patterns, and this one nearly caused a splash right here at my computer desk. It does not help one iota to realize that this nightmare of a pattern graces 100% polyester…except in that I know no natural fibers were harmed in the making of this monstrosity.
But then not only did someone choose to actually manufacture this fabric in these lurid colors, someone chose to make it into a top whose cut is based quite clearly on a potato sack. There is no grace to this cut, no elegance, no particular thought that I can see.
But it gets worse. If this cost ten dollars, I might see a reason for it to exist. After all, there’s no point in wearing something too superfantastic to do the heavy housecleaning in. But no. This is $49.00…$54.00 if you wear Zaftique’s 4z - 6z.
Dear Zaftique. I know you are capable of making some very pretty clothes. You’ve made pieces I’ve lusted after in my heart. And then you do this. Why, oh why?
Look, you made this pretty wrap top, too:
You even made it in lots of pretty, versatile colors to suit a wide variety of skin tones and tastes. It even costs less than the potato sack demon smock and includes some cotton for breathability. You can do good things. I have faith in your ability to pull yourselves together and not make me break out in brainhives again.
Please try harder.
Thanks.
Before I move on to the topic of the day, I’d like to commend Francesca for her superfantastic series of wedding gown articles this week…and make a shameless plug for my other weekend writing gig in the Manolosphere: Manolo for the Brides. You lovely ladies who are getting married - or just love chatting about weddings - might want to make a visit. The fabulous Never teh Bride writes the blog during the week. I take it on the weekends. We love the weddings.
But I digress.
What I really came here to talk about is the great sale at Avenue. Right now is a terrific time to save on summer basics with their $10 event. It’s actually more like the $10, $15, and $20 event, but I’m okay with that. This isn’t investment clothing, but most of us can use a few cheap and cheerful pieces that get rotated in and out of our wardrobes for a couple seasons, too.
When you watch a lot of daytime television, you see waaaaaaayyyyyy too many ads for diet pills, plots…er…plans, herbal suppliments, and, well, you get the idea. The televisions screams at all of us that we’re Fat! We’re Lazy! We’re Undisciplined! We’re going to Diiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!
Yeah, right.
There’s one, however, that ticks me off more than all the others combined. Slimshots. I’m not going to link to their site because I wouldn’t want to encourage anyone to support this company.
What’s so horrible about this one in the midst of all the other companies telling us we’re ugly and inadequate all day long and through the night? It’s the angle their ads take. They ask us all what we could accomplish if only we ate 30% less food every day.
As per usual, you guys blew me away. Last sunday, I posted this picture:
and you provided twelve different captions to go with it.
Of course, there can be only one winner, and this week it’s emmme for this hilarious and superfantastically positive response:
Of course, no one was surprised that Miss Duluth 1905 went on to rule the world.
Congratulations, emmme! And thanks to everyone who played.
You all know how this works: I post a picture, you reply with your best captions, and next saturday I declare a winner. So take a look at this and hit me with your best shot:
Ready…set…snark!
Last week I declared the final entry in Food Friendly May…and today I did a facepalm as I realized that it’s still May for one more day. I are not bright.
On the other hand, I am nothing if not capable of coming up with another recipe. In honor of my inability to keep up with modern life (not to mention my history geekness), I have decided that it would be fun today to post a recipe from back through the mists of time along with a modern version. I found this recipe - and a great many others equally interesting…though some are certainly more appetizing to a modern taste than others - at this fabulous site. If you are fond of historical re-enactment, interested in the history of food, or just a sucker for a good recipe, I highly recommend spending some time there.
Spynoches yfryed (Fried Spinach)
Period: English, 14th Century
Original Receipt:
Spynoches yfryed. Take spynoches; perboile hem in seþyng water. Take hem vp and presse out þe water and hew hem in two. Frye hem in oile & do þerto powder douce, & serue forth.
Gode Cookery Translation:
Take spinach; parboil them in boiling water. Take them up and press out the water and hew them in two. Fry them in oil & do there-to powder douce, & serve forth.
Of course, that tells you what the words mean if you’re not fluent in Middle English, but it doesn’t really tell you what to do as a modern cook, does it? Luckily, there are instructions on dishing it up in today’s kitchen, as well.
Ingredients:
Fresh Spinach Leaves
Olive Oil
Powder Douce (this was a Medieval blend of sweet spices, almost always containing sugar and cinnamon, but never pepper, and with such other spices as nutmeg, clove, cardamon, mace, etc.)
Directions:
Parboil the spinach, keeping in mind that this means to partially cook by boiling. Remove the leaves from the water; drain well and press out the water. Cut the spinach leaves in half; fry in hot olive oil. Remove from oil & drain. Place in serving dish and sprinkle on powder douce to season. Serve it forth!
Alas! the translators have chosen not to put amounts of the ingredients in the modern recipe, so that means we’ll have to experiment, doesn’t it? Oh, and one safety tip: dry the spinach well before putting it in hot oil. Cool water + hot oil = oil bullets zinging around your kitchen and hurting you painfully. This might be a good time to pull out the old Salad Spinner.
And that, my friends, is the end of Food Friendly May here at Manolo for the Big Girl. I hope you’ve all enjoyed it as much as I have.
As Food Friendly May comes to an end, it’s only right and fitting that I do my best to pass on what I know about one of the most universally frustrating challenges faced by cooks the world over: pie crust.
I honestly don’t know if what I have to say will do the trick for you or not because I am one of those revolting people who just plain has The Touch for pies. I made my first pie crust at seven. My mother nearly cried. Pie crust was her culinary Achille’s heel and somehow she’d produced a daughter who seemed incapable of turning out a bad pie crust.
This is why I rarely attempt to explain to anyone how I do it: because it comes to me so easily that I don’t know why what I’m doing works so well. It just does.
Still, I can pass on what I do in hopes that someone will find it helpful. There are a few hints I know that might be useful to somebody. For one thing, start with very cold ingredients. The colder the better, as long as you can still work them. I even put my flour in the fridge before I start work, because it’s always produced a better result. I don’t know why this works, only that it does for me. The other really important one - and I cannot stress this enough - is not to overwork the dough. Once it almost holds together, stop fussing. Once you get it about the right size, stop rolling and get it in the pan. Pie crust is never improved by extra efforts, but can be by a quick hand.
So what’s my recipe? It’s simple enough. Here’s hoping it works for you:
My friends, this is the final weekend of this particular May, and so tomorrow will mark the end of my Food Friendly May posts. That means it’s definitely time to roll out the desserts! I’ve had cake on my mind a lot of late, so I thought today I’d share one of my favorite cake recipes from one of my favorite cookbooks: The Cake Bible by Rose Levy Beranbaum. This is the recipe that makes me dance gleefully in the fruit and vegetable aisle of my friendly neighborhood grocery store when really, really ripe bananas go on mega-sale. In fact, it’s been known to produce drooling of a Pavlovian nature when I tell friends ‘bananas were on sale today,’ because they know what wonders lie in wait when they come to visit.
Cordon Rose Banana Cake:
