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Curvy Girls

Well, I saw Curvy Girls, the marginally unscripted TV show that proves to the naysayers that yes, if you work diligently and study hard at school, even plus size women can be in a painfully vapid “reality” shows that make you question whether the Mayans and their kooky 2012 plans might really be for the best.


On one hand, I’m glad to see beautiful plus size women, even if they’re only model plus-size, getting press. On the other, I just don’t get trash TV. Sure it’s not as bad as some show like Hoarders where the audience derives a pretty nauseating combination of entertainment and schadenfreude from the public exposition of someone’s mental illness, but none of that stuff can be good for your soul.

Have you see Curvy Girls? What do you think? Is it good for big girls, bad for big girls or just plain garbage?

Is It a Shoe? Results!

Last week we played “Is It a Shoe?” wherein our smart and sassy audience answered the seemingly simple question: “Is It a Shoe?”

The subject of was this, uh, unusual offering from Swedish design company Minimarket.

 

And while there were more than twenty comments, many of which garnered a chuckle or even a lady-like guffaw, the winner had to be longtime superfantastic reader TeleriB with her suggestion:

It’s a shoe encased in new tri-color carbonite, for all your long-haul preservation needs!

“Worried that the dodgy smuggler sort of moving company you’ve hired won’t take adequate care of your expensive shoe collection? Dip them in our patent-pending tri-color carbonite to fully wrap them in a sturdy protective shell that can survive bangs, scratches, and the freezing vacuum of space.

Call today!”

 

With the lovely Qbertina getting the award for Best Reference to Outmoded Forms of Transportation with:

“It’s a penny-farthing boat.”

 

and These Aren’t ChaCha Heels earning the Slightly Overthought Fashion History Medal for:

“It’s a shoe all right. I’m trying to figure out if it’s a Robert Clergerie shoe (cause he does those kinds of wedge soled shoes) paying a weird homage to an early Ferragamo sandal made during the fascist era–and if that’s supposed to have any relevance to the political situation today.

But I wouldn’t wear ‘em.”

Neither would I, ChaCha, neither would I.

Is It a Shoe?

That’s right everybody, it’s time to play the swell new guessing game:

The rules are simple. Look at a sample image and answer:

  • Is it a shoe?
  • If not, what is it?

Ready, let’s play!


IS IT A SHOE?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is Your Jellyfish:

This is your jellyfish on drugs:

Any questions?

In Which Miss Plumcake Begs Someone To Explain Twitter

I’m a pretty tech savvy gal. I make my living on the internet. I can program a thermostat. I own a whole slew, possible two slews, of items that require AA batteries…so why do I feel like someone needs to hand me my ear trumpet and goiter ointment each time I attempt to understand Twitter?

I remember David Mitchell, the fantastic British comedian from Peep Show and a whole mess of hilarious radio panel games, explained why he didn’t like the little bluebird of chattiness: “I don’t like to give away jokes for free.”
Of course, at the moment the verified David Mitchell twitterfeed has just under 4000 tweets, but in his defense, almost none of them are funny.

Still, I understand the sentiment.

As I always say, I’m good at two things in the world, and writing’s the one I can charge for.

I don’t get paid for the @MissPlumcake Twitter account, nor do I for the MftBG Facebook page and let’s be honest here: I’ve only got so much wit and charm in me, if I use all of it without benefit of that gorgeous filthy lucre, I’m going to be living under a bridge eating the crumbs out of a homeless man’s beard and making fart jokes for a dime by the time I’m 35 because I used up all the funny 140 royalty-free characters at a time.

The protocol also confuses me.

There doesn’t seem to be an agreed-upon number of tweets a day that hits the magic spot of engaging the doofuses suggestible enough to follow me most wonderful and alluring people in the world, without turning them off via supersaturation or inanity.

I don’t want to be one of those people who only tweets for self-promotion, because those people are just Marketing Machines, and any machine that doesn’t make something cleaner, younger or less hairy when it’s done is not a machine for me.

On the other hand, there are the hyper-verbal tweeters and that results in the dreaded Live Blog. **shudder**

The Live Blog is something like Chinese Water Torture, but without the benefits of hydration, wherein someone decides to share the thrilling action of say, their cat taking a nap on the radiator AS IT UNFOLDS so when I log on to see what my pals have been doing I get three hundred posts from the same yahoo saying:

ZOMGLOL, Mister Mittens is totes sleeping on the radiator. So cute.
11:00 a.m.

Mister Mittens is the mayor of snugglebunny junction, here’s an instagram no one wants to see.
11:01 a.m.

I’m going to knit a sweater out of Mister Mittens’ ittie bittie kitteh hairs. Here’s a Ravelry pattern no self-respecting adult who has ever had sex or ever hopes to have sex in the future should ever admit to seeing, much less knowing about. Oh, and it probably has an owl. Or a moustache. Or an owl WITH a moustache. Jerks.

11:02 a.m.

MISTR MTTN STILL SLPN LOL.
11:03 a.m.

Random Stephen Fry retweet
11:04 a.m.

Viral video everyone saw two weeks ago. Probably ALSO involving kittens.
11:05 a.m.

OMFG MISTER MITTENS IS STILL ASLEEP #UKNOWURCATSASLEEPWHEN
11:06 a.m.

Sorry y’all, fail whale! Guess whoz still snorning?!
11:08 a.m.

And so on and so forth until my brain oozes out of my ears and leaves permanent stains on my brand new angora cardigan.

These people must be stopped. And the pathological retweeters, and the hot Bulgarian babes horny love for max gentlemans and dear GOD the knitters.

In conclusion, I’m going to keep tweeting, BUT I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

…and you kids get offa my lawn!

What Miss Plumcake is…

Good morning my little muskrats of love, how’s every little thing? Miss Plumcake is up to her teacups this week getting ready a very special month-long feature which will kick off on Black Friday and run all the way through Christmas. But until then let’s find out What Miss Plumcake is…

Reading: Passionista by Ian Kerner PhD. A girl’s gotta keep on top of her game. The most thoughtful, least cringe-inducing practical guide to intimacy I’ve found.

Watching: The Graduate. I’m so not saying anything else about this right now.

Hearing:The Way I See It by Raphael Saadiq. Modern babymakin’ music in the grand Motown style. John Legend will get it done, but Raphael Saadiq will give you twins!

Smelling: 21 by Costume National a luxurious spiced milk bath in an 19th century opium den. Not especially complex, but unusual and sexy.

Loving: The return of the non-suicidal heel. About time, too! I love the slightly Edwardian feel of these kitten heels from All Black. Also? Eel!

Hating: Special K Protein Water Mix. I don’t generally go for this sort of thing, but a girl can always use more protein so I caved. Big mistake. This is gross with a capital GRRRR.

Wanting: Alexander McQueen Knuckle Box – The perfect combination of formal and violent. The only way this could be more “me” is if it came with a flask and a Book of Common Prayer.

Buying: Stabby Statement Necklace. Okay it’s not really called “stabby” but I love necklaces like this because it’s such a contrast against the softness of the decollete. Pieces like work especially well on big girls because it balances out our over-the-top lushness.

That’s Pants!

and that’s British slang for “that is, like, major suckitude!”

Here I was, all ready to present to you a multi-faceted, multi-pictured, multi-product post that would, if not gain widespread acclaim would at least cause a few snarky comments and YAY! Pageview bonus! and WordPress went and ate it.

In its place, we bring you the following observation: that shopping online for pants is … pants. Because all pants look exactly alike online:

Exhibit A: $698 Zenobia Slim Crepe Pants from Saks:

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Exhibit B: $178 Eileen Fisher Stretch Crepe Pants, also from Saks:

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Well, okay, these look different, but we don’t have to discuss them, do we?

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