Manolo for the Big Girl

Hello young lovers! How’s every little thing? Me? Oh I’m just peachy. Except I decided to do a Heavy Eye on Saturday night and I’m still excavating that stuff off my face. The downside of having eyelash extension is you really want to be careful using anything oil-based, so now when I want to do a super smoky evening-look eye it turns into a three day removal process wherein I’m full on the first day, and the next day I’m sort of Saraghina from 8 1/2 and on the third day I’m totally channeling Anna Magnani in the Rose Tattoo (how fabulous was she? SO fabulous. More importantly how hot was Burt Lancaster?)

Anyhoodle, it’s Tuesday so it’s time to find out What Miss Plumcake is…

You’ll notice I’m a little Scot-centric this week as we are coming up on the celebration of Robert Burns’ birthday, January 25th. If you’ve never been to a Burns Night, you simply MUST. No Scottish blood required –although be prepared to be asked if you’ve got any Scottish in you and when you answer no, be asked “would you like to?”– There’s singing and poetry (usually) and bagpipes and haggis (always, although they usually have vegetarian haggis which is revolting and contrary to the ways of the Lord) and everyone has a big time with the Address to a Haggis,  The Immortal Memory, The Toast to the Lassies and –my personal favorite– The Response to the Laddies.

Dress code varies, but please don’t just wear random plaid. Ladies: if you have a clan, wear a sash in your clan’s dress tartan. Gents: Bonnie Prince Charlies are ideal. But even if you don’t have a drop of the Northern blood, don’t worry just show up and have a ball.

Reading: Robert Burns, the Complete Works No house should be without.

Watching: Black Books. Surprisingly, since I’m the United Nations of failed relationships, I’ve never dated a misanthropic drunken Irish bookseller but if I did, I’d like to date this one. Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey and that girl who played Dr Todd from Green Wing (Tamisin Grieg) had me laughing harder than that time my neighbor’s jack russell pulled out a “chew toy” labeled “Swedish Erotica”

Hearing: Lyrics of Gold: Songs of Robert Burns by Ed Miller. Ed Miller is a pink-faced fount of Scottish folk tunes and apparently a Really Big Deal as far as these things go, traveling all over the world to spread the Scottish word.  I’ve known Ed socially for a few years now and while the man can’t iron a shirt to save his  life (pull it together Ed!)  his albums are still very much worth having.

Smelling: Serge Lutens Bois et Musc. An exceedingly lovely light cedar with just a hint of musk, Bois et Musc isn’t the big honking juice Christopher Sheldrake usually releases for Serge Lutens. It wears very close to the skin. Bois et Musc is one of the non-exports so as with all Lutens bell jars you’ll have to pick it up at Les Salons du Palais Royal Shisheido in Paris, although you can occasionally find one on the secondary market. Decants are available at The Perfumed Court and while I don’t love it as much as the coniferous incense bomb that is Filles en Aiguilles, I couldn’t say no when a bell jar graciously found its way into my personal collection.

Loving:Early Greek Philosophy ed. Jonathan Barnes. Drop a cherry in me and call me old fashioned, but I think to be a Cultured Woman of The World you’ve got to be up on your philosophers (pictured here: my Pre-Socratic Greek Boyfriend, Pythagoras) and Barnes’ edition of selected writings of the Early Greeks is totally accessible.  I know I’m an old stick in the mud, but so much of what’s being written these days is just junk. There’s nothing wrong with an improving book, and getting back into the habit of thinking critically and logically. Now you kids put down those Pink Books and get offa my lawn!

Hating: The OTK Boot trend. Has anyone seen this employed in real life where it actually works and the woman doesn’t look like a hooker or a serious fashion victim? Because I haven’t.  I want to, but I haven’t. Also, the women who can afford to drop $2000 on a pair of over the knee boots, at least in Austin, tend to be Women of a Certain Age and I am afraid OTK boots are a young woman’s game.  As I said, I want to be wrong, but I’m not sure I am. If you’ve seen a tastefully executed OTK boot IN REAL LIFE on a non-model or celebrity personage, please submit photographic evidence. I’m dying to see it.

Wanting: Robert Burns stamps. Wah! Stupid American stamps with their stupid CROPS OF NORTH AMERICA which don’t even feature TOBACCO because it’s not like THAT crop was important to  America or anything.  Sir Walter Raleigh should slap the post office across the face for that. Why can’t we have awesome stamps like this? I’m not a philatelist (well, I tried it once in college, but I was drunk) but I shall not rest until I browbeat someone into sending me one of these wee beasties.

Buying: Tartan sash in your clan’s dress. If you know your clan’s tartan, why not buy a sash? They’re usually lightweight wool 10″ wide by 90″ long and serve beautifully as a long muffler-type scarf. Of course on Burns Nights or other times where you want your ancestral pride to show you can wear it in the traditional way but they’re awfully handy to have. Don’t know your tartan? Look it up here
I’m a MacDuff of the Fife line myself and sleep soundly at night knowing no matter how bad my press is, it’ll never be as bad as the clan matriarch, Queen Gruach or “Lady Macbeth” as the kids call her these days.

It’s the final Tuesday of the year, time to see what Miss Plumcake is…

Reading: A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby. A re-read for me, since it first came out in 2005. You’d think a novel about a quartet of people trying to commit suicide on New Year’s Eve wouldn’t be very sweet or touching (or funny) but it is, with a good slathering of misanthropic mustard to keep it darkly funny. You can pick it up pretty much for the price of postage at Amazon. Just click the link.

Watching: It Happened One Night starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert, directed by Frank Capra. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t love It’s a Wonderful Life, preferring instead this, the ne plus ultra of all screwball comedies. As a fashion side-note, you’re probably already aware that Clark Gable did irreparable damage to the undershirt industry when he unbuttoned in this film and revealed nothing more than a hairy chest under his dress shirt.
Hearing: Handel’s Messiah. I sing a lot of Handel, rare is the week I don’t have two Handel arias in the works and another one on deck. You’d think I’d get bored of GFH’s greatest hit.  I don’t. Yes, I still prefer it at Easter, but Christmas is no time to be pedantic. The Rutter/Royal Phil is my favorite widely-available recording.

Smelling: Filles en Aiguilles by Christopher Sheldrake for Serge Lutens. I am an old and jaded frag hag. I roll my delicate nostrils at 99% of mall fragrances. I don’t jump at the newest niche release and I’ve almost given up hope on Jean-Claude Ellena ever releasing anything truly brilliant again –he’s the house nose for Hermes now, which means he’s got marketablity to think about– I am, according to Angela’s brilliant list at Now Smell This, a stage four perfumista. Which is why getting a fragrance that really excites me is a rare experience. Filles en Aiguilles (literally “Girls on Needles” though it’s a play on words, since the French slang for stilettos is talons aiguilles) excites me. A lot. A LOT a lot. Aiguilles opens as a pine bomb like I’ve never experienced, with just a bit of camphor,then it develops into something more resiny. It evolves into a high mass on Christmas eve, where the incense and the wreaths and the smell of old polished wood melt together into something transcendent and just slightly wild around the edges. As it dries down you’re left with a bit of warm pine and buttery skin incense. Equally good for men and women, it’s only available in the states at Barney’s.

Loving: Jon Richardson’s BBC 6 podcast. Generally speaking, comedians and humorists are –as a species– little more than seething balls of neediness, sexual deviance and empty takeout containers. It’s true. I mean, I’m not. It’s a well-documented fact that cartoon bluebirds dress me every day and when I smile you can literally hear the silvery ting! of sunbeams and happiness. But the rest of them? Useless, impotent and in need of a bath. Which is why it’s rare for me to bestow my highest honor –the Order of The Good Egg– to comedian Jon Richardson. I admire his work professionally but more importantly, he is responsible for propagating good deeds hither and yon via his Deed-ication feature. Basically he invites his listeners to write in with their good deeds for a chance to have the show dedicated to them, which is brilliant. Co-presenter/sidekick Matt Forde receives entrance into the Order of The Speckled Puppy for being adorable, endearing and definitely not allowed on the couch.

Hating: Bad Chocolate. I don’t know much, but I do know this: life is too short for small jewelry, faked orgasms and bad chocolate. I’ve managed to eradicate the first two, now if ONLY I could get people to stop giving me the third.

Wanting: Laphroaig Whisky. Islay malts aren’t to everyone’s taste, but they’re certainly to mine. Laphroaig, easily the most famous and accessible is It’s a big peaty smoke bomb of deliciousness. In my head, this is what Mister Badger’s sweater smells like. Drink it neat, with a drop of spring water or for an interesting take on a martini, mixed 1:4 with Hendrick’s gin.

Buying: Kiva Gift Certificates. By now everyone knows about Kiva, the microlending project that’s revolutionized charitable giving. I’ve been into microlending for years, ever since I met a group of women from southern Malawi. If you’re new to microlending, check it out.

For information on current clothing sales, go to yesterday’s FFI here.

Designer Shoes adds a new brand, Nota Bene, of whose style and quality Francesca approves. Francesca’s pick: their classic Mary Jane (pictured).

YOOX is having a big sale, including high-end shoes, handbags, and accessories.

Zappos, one of our favorite shoe sources, is offering free shipping both ways as always. Now, additionally, they offer free overnight shipping on clothing. Sizes go up to 40 or 4XL (warning: largest sizes are mostly swimwear). They also sell kitchenware and all sorts of nice gift items like cologne and toys, starting here. Free shipping and return shipping on everything. Francesca says: wow.

Cosmetics Mall is having a big sale on Women’s Fragrances.

Books Online has a menu of book clubs for yourself or someone on your gift list. Francesca loves the gift of the book club!

Smart Bargains has added new items to clearance. This includes home goods, jewelry, women’s apparel (including some plus sizes) and menswear.

Beauty.com will take $20 off your purchase of $100 or more, through December 20. No code necessary. Exceptions: This won’t work for international orders (APO and Territories addresses OK), and won’t apply to gift cards, gift certificates, prescriptions, contact lenses, magazine subscriptions, or the following brands: Aramis, Bare Escentuals, Darphin, Donna Karan/DKNY, Jane Iredale, Lab Series Skincare for Men, Origins, Missoni, Prescriptives, Sean John, Smashbox and Tommy Hilfiger.)

Magazine City provides excellent prices, with no strings attached, on magazine subscriptions. Francesca found some of her favorite fashion magazines for $1 per issue (to US) and under $5 per issue internationally (a very good price, Francesca fears. Living outside the US has its advantages, but certainly not in the realm of access to English-language print media!)

Amazon has set up a page from which you can see their “top holiday deals” FYI, the Gund bear pictured is a free gift if you order $75 or more of toys (also add the bear to your cart).

Sun Jewelry, a vendor of high-end bracelets, earrings, etc, has set up a gift clearance page, with sale items to buy for the special someone (including yourself). Francesca’s pick: Marguise Amethyst and Diamond earrings (pictured).

Happy shopping! xoxo

Reading

Land’s End: a walk in Provincetown by Michael Cunningham. Evocative, lyrical little book about the town that, during the summer, is family tourist attraction by day and happening gay scene by night.

The Street Lawyer by John Grisham. The lawyer-cum-fugitive plot is standard Grisham fare (only flimsier), but the book offers a deep and thought-provoking look inside the world of Washington D.C.’s homeless population. In other words, the book is  cotton-candy-coated way to digest some bitter pills.

Watching

House, MD, season 5. It took Francesca months to find a way to download this show legally in the country in which she resides. Francesca respects copyrights! But now she finally has access to the fifth season.

Listening to

Electric Light Orchestra’s Time. The song “Ticket to the Moon” breaks Francesca’s heart every time (because she thinks it is a metaphor for death). And yet “Your’s Truly, 2095″ makes Francesca smile with its fun premise and innuendos.

Happy weekend! xoxo

So I got some sleep and there’s no sign I’ve actually ordered a horse, which is more than a small relief.  I thought I’d give the mosaic theme a break today and treat you to a few bits o’ choreographed brill from this week’s list courtesy of Judy Garland and Rufus Wainwright.

Reading: Wise Blood by Flannery O’Conn0r. There’s no Gothic like Southern Gothic and there’s no guilt like Catholic Guilt. Besides, “no man with a good car needs to be justified”.

Watching: Summer Stock — my favorite Let’s Put on a Show musical, courtesy of Judy Garland and Gene Kelly

Hearing: Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall -in a continuing theme of Saint Judy.  He lived the dream. Bastard.

Smelling: Bvlgari Black. A weird fragrance I usually save for summer, but a fine example showing not all brilliant perfumes are expensive.  You can pick up Black for under 30 bucks online or at Ross/TJ Maxx etc. The notes in Black include black rubber and tar. Before you turn up your nose, read this review from Bois de Jasmin and then go out and try it. Originally a men’s fragrance it’s being marketed to women, too which makes me think it’s gearing up for a relaunch and corresponding price hike. If you like it, get some now.

Loving: Cows N’ Things Everyone wants to help those adorable little poor children and that’s great and all, but what about the old folks? I won’t teeter up on my soap box about the way Western culture treats its elderly, because I could go on for.ev.er about it and if you want to be tediously lectured there are plenty of other places to go for that. BUT Cows n’ Things is a great charity.  You can buy chicks, a beehive, a donkey ambulance OR cataract surgery (for about 20 USD!!!) for an eldery person in developing nations throughout the world.

Hating: The concept of “being good” or “being bad” at the holidays, especially when it comes to food. It’s ridiculous to see grown damn woman smile like their mischievous toddlers whispering loudly they’re “being bad” and having another sausage ball. Listen, if you need to justify to a room of people what you’re eating AND put a moral judgment on it, your problems are a lot deeper than Bisquick-based party snacks.

Wanting: chocolate-dipped spiced apricots. Partially submerge plump dried apricots in dark chocolate and let set. Drizzle pre-dipped bits with bitter sweet or white chocolate and dust with pumpkin pie spice/warm aromatic spice of your choice. Let chill. Dead easy, makes a million and are super delicious.

Buying: Ovation Finalist Pro Field Boots with extra-wide calves (check the size chart, you may have to go with men’s extra-wides)

Yesterday marked the ten year anniversary of my move to Texas so I thought I’d celebrate by doing an All-Texan revue. It’s Tuesday so let’s fine out what Miss Plumcake is…

Reading: O. Henry’s Short Stories.  William Sydney Porter was a Carolina boy by birth, but did a the best part of his writing and embezzling here in Austin, Texas.  My grandmother never read to me (unless by “read” you mean “accidentally putting her cigarette out on my arm, thereby fusing my horrible nylon sweater to the sweet delicate flesh of my forearm”) but she had a soft spot for The Ransom of Red Chief (I think she liked the torture scenes), which remains my favorite O. Henry short story.

Hearing: Lyle Lovett’s Natural Forces. I’ve had a one-sided love affair with Lyle Lovett and his Large Band for years, and it all started with this song.  He consistently puts on the best live shows I’ve seen. He’s funny, droll and is completely at home with his, uh, unusual looks. Last night’s concert went into my top five shows of all time. Even if you think you won’t like him, give Lyle a little Youtube action and let him change your mind.

Watching:Giant.  James Dean’s third and final film –it was released shortly after his death at 24– it is the definitive Texas Epic and worth a watch if only to see James Dean’s method acting play against Liz Taylor’s Tollywood traditional.

Smelling: Tauer Lonestar Memories. Swiss perfumer Andy Tauer isn’t Texan, but we might make him an honorary one after this. Lonestar Memories is a BIG scent –I have to put a teensy drop behind my knees the night before I want to wear it– but its bone-dry combination of wood smoke, brush fire and open skies make it a smart, untamed scent for men or women.

Loving: The Lance Armstrong Foundation I can’t say I just love Lance Armstrong as a person and I think those yellow rubber bands are dopey, but the LAF does great work, especially with providing support for young men like my brother who are testicular cancer survivors. He (Lance not my brother) made a surprise visit on stage last night with Lyle Lovett. To his credit he didn’t try to sing.

Hating: Well, I mean, really.

Wanting: Big obnoxious custom cowboy boots. Texans never mind a bit of vulgarity it’s “a nice splash of paprika” as Diana Vreeland would say. I own one pair of Western boots and they’re the most unassuming things on the planet, just regulation-issued brown ropers with a low heel and almond toe. They’re dead useful without being showy but secretly I yearn for a pair of enormously over-the-top boots inlaid with all sorts of craziness. You can drop a good $4000 on custom boots, and they’re truly works of art, but I’d settle for these at a mere $1800.

Buying: Bluebonnet seeds. In the spring, a few weeks after the droves of South by Southwest revelers vacate my fair city, the wildflowers bloom. In the Texas Hill Country, the roadways are just carpeted with bluebonnets. Millions and millions of the Texas state flower pop up along any place left untended, and while it is illegal to pick them, it IS every Texas woman’s birthright to trample as many as she sees fit just so she can sit daintily in a field and get her picture taken surrounded by a could of blue blossoms.

So what’s shaking in YOUR state today?

So I’m finally getting my legs back under me from my vacation and once again it’s time to find out what Miss Plumcake is…

Reading: The Cornish Trilogy by Robertson Davies.  Fun read for academics, Anglicans and other people who are only tedious on the outside.

Watching: Liberty Heights Barry Levinson. Wonderful autumnal film about a group of young Jewish boys coming of age in early 60’s Baltimore.

Hearing: Pump Up the Volume Soundtrack.  Still awesome after all these years. The Pixies, Henry Rollins, Cowboy Junkies, Bad Brains…
Smelling: L’Eau D’Hiver by Jean-Claude Ellena for Frédéric Malle. My favorite winter scent, possibly my favorite scent of all time. The link is for reference only since no one else is allowed to buy it.

Loving: Fake AP Stylebook. It’s funny ’cause it’s true.

Hating: Being a mammal. If there’s an inch of hair on my body that hasn’t been plucked, waxed, cut, bleached, dyed blue (I have blue streaks in my hair) extended, laser-ed or otherwise attended to then by gum I can’t reach it or afford the lady who can.
Wanting: Red trench from Anna Scholz. That’s a 20 year coat, at least.
Buying: Lynx coat from my friend’s furrier in Greece. Because I’ve had a REALLY hard year and I deserve a coat made out of kittens. Besides, people don’t throw paint on you if you live in a state okay with concealed weapons

With all the work that goes into putting on a Thanksgiving feast, wouldn’t it be helpful to have one easy source of recipes complete with dozens of tips and tricks to make things go smoother?

Yes. Yes it would.

The good news is that just such a book exists.

How to Cook a Turkey:and All the Other Trimmings is a compendium of recipes, general advice, disaster-averting tips, and even ideas about what to do with leftovers compiled by the editors and contributors of Fine Cooking Magazine. Whether you’re a first-time Thanksgiving chef or a seasoned veteran of holiday meal providing, there’s useful information for you between these covers.

Yes. the emphasis is on a traditional meal based around a turkey, but there are also instructions for roasting a duck or goose, delicious sides that would fill any vegetarian well, (a few are even suitable without adaptation to a vegan diet! Fennel and Escarole Stuffing with Pine Nuts, I’m looking at you), and the desserts range from a traditional pumpkin pie to orange layer cake to tiramisu.

This book has a place of honor on my personal cookbook shelf. Oh, and I made the tiramisu for a friend who grew up in Naples. Everybody told me not to because he’d be incredibly picky about it. He sniffed at me when I said it was alcohol-free…and yet he wound up eating three large helpings and couldn’t stop talking about how good it was. He still asks hopefully when I’m going to make another.

That’s the sort of reaction I’ve gotten from pretty much every dish I’ve made from this book: people go nuts and can’t stop eating. Oh, and the best thing about that? They’re easy to make, too. Think of it: you can put it minimal effort and get maximum praise in return.

Here’s one of the easiest recipes in the book. It’ll take you about five minutes to make, but my Thanksgiving table would be sorely lacking if I left it off the menu.

Cranberry Orange Relish with Ginger:

1 12oz. package of fresh cranberries, picked over and rinsed

1 small navel orange, including the peel, cut into 8 wedges

A generous 1/2 Cup roughly chopped crystallized ginger

1 Tblsp granulated sugar

1/4 tsp kosher salt

Combine all ingredients in a food processor and process until coarsely ground, stopping once or twice to scrape down the sides of the bowl. Transfer to a serving bowl, cover, and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Yield: 3 Cups

Trust me, this one is well worth the $13.57 Amazon.com is asking.