Manolo for the Big Girl

Hello young lovers! How’s every little thing? Me? Oh I’m just peachy. Except I decided to do a Heavy Eye on Saturday night and I’m still excavating that stuff off my face. The downside of having eyelash extension is you really want to be careful using anything oil-based, so now when I want to do a super smoky evening-look eye it turns into a three day removal process wherein I’m full on the first day, and the next day I’m sort of Saraghina from 8 1/2 and on the third day I’m totally channeling Anna Magnani in the Rose Tattoo (how fabulous was she? SO fabulous. More importantly how hot was Burt Lancaster?)

Anyhoodle, it’s Tuesday so it’s time to find out What Miss Plumcake is…

You’ll notice I’m a little Scot-centric this week as we are coming up on the celebration of Robert Burns’ birthday, January 25th. If you’ve never been to a Burns Night, you simply MUST. No Scottish blood required –although be prepared to be asked if you’ve got any Scottish in you and when you answer no, be asked “would you like to?”– There’s singing and poetry (usually) and bagpipes and haggis (always, although they usually have vegetarian haggis which is revolting and contrary to the ways of the Lord) and everyone has a big time with the Address to a Haggis,  The Immortal Memory, The Toast to the Lassies and –my personal favorite– The Response to the Laddies.

Dress code varies, but please don’t just wear random plaid. Ladies: if you have a clan, wear a sash in your clan’s dress tartan. Gents: Bonnie Prince Charlies are ideal. But even if you don’t have a drop of the Northern blood, don’t worry just show up and have a ball.

Reading: Robert Burns, the Complete Works No house should be without.

Watching: Black Books. Surprisingly, since I’m the United Nations of failed relationships, I’ve never dated a misanthropic drunken Irish bookseller but if I did, I’d like to date this one. Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey and that girl who played Dr Todd from Green Wing (Tamisin Grieg) had me laughing harder than that time my neighbor’s jack russell pulled out a “chew toy” labeled “Swedish Erotica”

Hearing: Lyrics of Gold: Songs of Robert Burns by Ed Miller. Ed Miller is a pink-faced fount of Scottish folk tunes and apparently a Really Big Deal as far as these things go, traveling all over the world to spread the Scottish word.  I’ve known Ed socially for a few years now and while the man can’t iron a shirt to save his  life (pull it together Ed!)  his albums are still very much worth having.

Smelling: Serge Lutens Bois et Musc. An exceedingly lovely light cedar with just a hint of musk, Bois et Musc isn’t the big honking juice Christopher Sheldrake usually releases for Serge Lutens. It wears very close to the skin. Bois et Musc is one of the non-exports so as with all Lutens bell jars you’ll have to pick it up at Les Salons du Palais Royal Shisheido in Paris, although you can occasionally find one on the secondary market. Decants are available at The Perfumed Court and while I don’t love it as much as the coniferous incense bomb that is Filles en Aiguilles, I couldn’t say no when a bell jar graciously found its way into my personal collection.

Loving:Early Greek Philosophy ed. Jonathan Barnes. Drop a cherry in me and call me old fashioned, but I think to be a Cultured Woman of The World you’ve got to be up on your philosophers (pictured here: my Pre-Socratic Greek Boyfriend, Pythagoras) and Barnes’ edition of selected writings of the Early Greeks is totally accessible.  I know I’m an old stick in the mud, but so much of what’s being written these days is just junk. There’s nothing wrong with an improving book, and getting back into the habit of thinking critically and logically. Now you kids put down those Pink Books and get offa my lawn!

Hating: The OTK Boot trend. Has anyone seen this employed in real life where it actually works and the woman doesn’t look like a hooker or a serious fashion victim? Because I haven’t.  I want to, but I haven’t. Also, the women who can afford to drop $2000 on a pair of over the knee boots, at least in Austin, tend to be Women of a Certain Age and I am afraid OTK boots are a young woman’s game.  As I said, I want to be wrong, but I’m not sure I am. If you’ve seen a tastefully executed OTK boot IN REAL LIFE on a non-model or celebrity personage, please submit photographic evidence. I’m dying to see it.

Wanting: Robert Burns stamps. Wah! Stupid American stamps with their stupid CROPS OF NORTH AMERICA which don’t even feature TOBACCO because it’s not like THAT crop was important to  America or anything.  Sir Walter Raleigh should slap the post office across the face for that. Why can’t we have awesome stamps like this? I’m not a philatelist (well, I tried it once in college, but I was drunk) but I shall not rest until I browbeat someone into sending me one of these wee beasties.

Buying: Tartan sash in your clan’s dress. If you know your clan’s tartan, why not buy a sash? They’re usually lightweight wool 10″ wide by 90″ long and serve beautifully as a long muffler-type scarf. Of course on Burns Nights or other times where you want your ancestral pride to show you can wear it in the traditional way but they’re awfully handy to have. Don’t know your tartan? Look it up here
I’m a MacDuff of the Fife line myself and sleep soundly at night knowing no matter how bad my press is, it’ll never be as bad as the clan matriarch, Queen Gruach or “Lady Macbeth” as the kids call her these days.

So I got some sleep and there’s no sign I’ve actually ordered a horse, which is more than a small relief.  I thought I’d give the mosaic theme a break today and treat you to a few bits o’ choreographed brill from this week’s list courtesy of Judy Garland and Rufus Wainwright.

Reading: Wise Blood by Flannery O’Conn0r. There’s no Gothic like Southern Gothic and there’s no guilt like Catholic Guilt. Besides, “no man with a good car needs to be justified”.

Watching: Summer Stock — my favorite Let’s Put on a Show musical, courtesy of Judy Garland and Gene Kelly

Hearing: Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall -in a continuing theme of Saint Judy.  He lived the dream. Bastard.

Smelling: Bvlgari Black. A weird fragrance I usually save for summer, but a fine example showing not all brilliant perfumes are expensive.  You can pick up Black for under 30 bucks online or at Ross/TJ Maxx etc. The notes in Black include black rubber and tar. Before you turn up your nose, read this review from Bois de Jasmin and then go out and try it. Originally a men’s fragrance it’s being marketed to women, too which makes me think it’s gearing up for a relaunch and corresponding price hike. If you like it, get some now.

Loving: Cows N’ Things Everyone wants to help those adorable little poor children and that’s great and all, but what about the old folks? I won’t teeter up on my soap box about the way Western culture treats its elderly, because I could go on for.ev.er about it and if you want to be tediously lectured there are plenty of other places to go for that. BUT Cows n’ Things is a great charity.  You can buy chicks, a beehive, a donkey ambulance OR cataract surgery (for about 20 USD!!!) for an eldery person in developing nations throughout the world.

Hating: The concept of “being good” or “being bad” at the holidays, especially when it comes to food. It’s ridiculous to see grown damn woman smile like their mischievous toddlers whispering loudly they’re “being bad” and having another sausage ball. Listen, if you need to justify to a room of people what you’re eating AND put a moral judgment on it, your problems are a lot deeper than Bisquick-based party snacks.

Wanting: chocolate-dipped spiced apricots. Partially submerge plump dried apricots in dark chocolate and let set. Drizzle pre-dipped bits with bitter sweet or white chocolate and dust with pumpkin pie spice/warm aromatic spice of your choice. Let chill. Dead easy, makes a million and are super delicious.

Buying: Ovation Finalist Pro Field Boots with extra-wide calves (check the size chart, you may have to go with men’s extra-wides)

Yesterday marked the ten year anniversary of my move to Texas so I thought I’d celebrate by doing an All-Texan revue. It’s Tuesday so let’s fine out what Miss Plumcake is…

Reading: O. Henry’s Short Stories.  William Sydney Porter was a Carolina boy by birth, but did a the best part of his writing and embezzling here in Austin, Texas.  My grandmother never read to me (unless by “read” you mean “accidentally putting her cigarette out on my arm, thereby fusing my horrible nylon sweater to the sweet delicate flesh of my forearm”) but she had a soft spot for The Ransom of Red Chief (I think she liked the torture scenes), which remains my favorite O. Henry short story.

Hearing: Lyle Lovett’s Natural Forces. I’ve had a one-sided love affair with Lyle Lovett and his Large Band for years, and it all started with this song.  He consistently puts on the best live shows I’ve seen. He’s funny, droll and is completely at home with his, uh, unusual looks. Last night’s concert went into my top five shows of all time. Even if you think you won’t like him, give Lyle a little Youtube action and let him change your mind.

Watching:Giant.  James Dean’s third and final film –it was released shortly after his death at 24– it is the definitive Texas Epic and worth a watch if only to see James Dean’s method acting play against Liz Taylor’s Tollywood traditional.

Smelling: Tauer Lonestar Memories. Swiss perfumer Andy Tauer isn’t Texan, but we might make him an honorary one after this. Lonestar Memories is a BIG scent –I have to put a teensy drop behind my knees the night before I want to wear it– but its bone-dry combination of wood smoke, brush fire and open skies make it a smart, untamed scent for men or women.

Loving: The Lance Armstrong Foundation I can’t say I just love Lance Armstrong as a person and I think those yellow rubber bands are dopey, but the LAF does great work, especially with providing support for young men like my brother who are testicular cancer survivors. He (Lance not my brother) made a surprise visit on stage last night with Lyle Lovett. To his credit he didn’t try to sing.

Hating: Well, I mean, really.

Wanting: Big obnoxious custom cowboy boots. Texans never mind a bit of vulgarity it’s “a nice splash of paprika” as Diana Vreeland would say. I own one pair of Western boots and they’re the most unassuming things on the planet, just regulation-issued brown ropers with a low heel and almond toe. They’re dead useful without being showy but secretly I yearn for a pair of enormously over-the-top boots inlaid with all sorts of craziness. You can drop a good $4000 on custom boots, and they’re truly works of art, but I’d settle for these at a mere $1800.

Buying: Bluebonnet seeds. In the spring, a few weeks after the droves of South by Southwest revelers vacate my fair city, the wildflowers bloom. In the Texas Hill Country, the roadways are just carpeted with bluebonnets. Millions and millions of the Texas state flower pop up along any place left untended, and while it is illegal to pick them, it IS every Texas woman’s birthright to trample as many as she sees fit just so she can sit daintily in a field and get her picture taken surrounded by a could of blue blossoms.

So what’s shaking in YOUR state today?

Hello! Here we go in alphabetical order (mostly):

Avenue and Jessica London will give you free shipping on your purchase of $60 or more with code AV91140. This code is good through December 10. Shop both stores here.

Catherines is having a Buy Two, Get One Free sale in stores and online ending today. Buy any two items, and get any third (for equal or lesser value) for free. Francesca’s Picks: Buy the sleeved, accessorize-for-the-office black dress (pictured) and this taffeta ruched dress for the office party (pictured), get the border print dress (pictured) for free to wear on date night with your husband.

Designer Shoes (”for women who leave a larger footprint”)will give you 25% off any shoes today with code SALESHOESNOV. And, through Monday November 30, 20% off anything on the site with code CYBERMONDAY. Their apparel does run in plus sizes.

Just My Size sale on Playtex bras is still going on.

Old Navy will give you 15% off purchases of $75, or 25% off purchases of $100, ending today, with code ONSAVE15. Also, through December 15, free shipping on any purchase of $50 or more. Click here to go straight to plus sizes.

Perfumania has posted a holiday gift guide, which allows you to shop by price or by recipient. Francesca does not normally recommend buying frangrance for anyone whose favorite scents you do not know for sure, but it could be nice for a teenage girl or for the vague acquaintance who seems to have everything. Those who read this blog often know that Francesca personally wears Light Blue and Euphoria.

Shoe Mall is selling something attractive for the edgy or biker girl: Harley Davidson brand boots.  And, order any Harley footwear and enter code SMHARLEYD in the “promo code” to receive a little collectible Harley Davidson motorcycle, while supplies last (Francescais not telling you this because she loves the Harleys, but because some of you might). Francesca’s picks: the Tiff boot, the Carlin boot.

Silhouettes is having a jeans sweepstakes. Enter here before November 30 for a chance to win any pair of Blue Couture brand jeans of your choice.

Smart Bargains is having a liquidation sale on designer brands, ending today. Click here to shop by size (see the nav bar on the left). Francesca says: These are good brands at very good prices.

Chico’s has completely renovated their style and are not nearly as matronly as they used to be. Through Thursday they will give you 50% off your most expensive item if you spend $100 or more and enter code 6693.

Happy shopping! xoxo

I’m almost hesitant to make Eartha Kitt the Friday Fierceness.

Not because she’s not fierce, but because she passed Fierce so long ago that she lapped it twice and went straight on to Ferocious.

Although I’d seen her before as a child in her campy ears and catsuit (sorry Ms Newmar, she was the ONLY Catwoman) and knew “Santa Baby“, Eartha Kitt burst onto my burgeoning psyche in the now oft-referenced documentary “Unzipped” when I was a sophomore in high school.

Watching Ms Kitt toy with poor starstruck Isaac after one of her shows transfixed me.  He trembles to light a cigarette while she, every inch the cabaret star, whirls and writhes around him singing in what might be Turkish.

She was mesmerizing, more than a bit terrifying and completely, thoroughly and positively glamorously insane.

Speaking of:

(80’s excess Eartha-style meant a series of  discopop singles that were huge in the queeneries of Europe)

A few years later I picked up her memoir “I’m Still Here: Confessions of a Sex Kitten” which is well worth reading (she took ballet with James Dean! She danced with Katherine Dunham! She was blacklisted after she made Lady Bird Johnson cry!)  is well worth reading and of course no house is complete without at least ONE of her albums –Purr-fect: Greatest Hits , mostly filled with her wry trademark paeans to Very Expensive Things– is the logical place to start.

There is so much about Eartha Kitt that’s worth knowing, and so many wonderful roles she’s played but of all the lessons we can learn from Ms Kitt, the most important is this:

Glamor is a decision. An unloved, unwanted child, a product of rape and poverty, rejected by nearly everyone because of her skin color and unusual features –her father was white and her mother was Cherokee and black– by force of will BECAME one of the most glamorous people in modern history.

We cannot, I think, always choose to be effortlessly chic or graceful or elegant just by willing ourselves to be so, but glamor? Glamor we can do. It takes will, bravery and a certain willingness to not care what other people think about unimportant matters. Do it for yourself, or more importantly…do it for Eartha.

Silhouettes recently sent Francesca three “Fall Essentials” of their choosing to review on the blog. They were gifts to Francesca, but as always Francesca is 100% honest with her readers about the items’ quality and style — with thanks, of course, to the Silhouettes for thinking of us.

It is difficult for Francesca to have to start with the shoes, because as our readers know, here at Chez Manolo we deal in the highest-quality-materials-and-craftsmanship feetswear, which one cannot possibly get for the retail price of $49, which is what these shoes cost. So Francesca asks herself, If I were one of the many superfantastic girls who, doing the best she could, wanted to spend no more than $50 on the pair of shoes, what would I think about these? And the answer is that, for what they are, these are very attractive shoes. Francesca loves the medium heel and the suede- and Oxford-inspired style, which is “in” right now, and in the brown color they are perfect for the Fall wardrobe. As long as one understands that everything but the sole is constructed of man-made materials, that they will not last for many seasons, and that they are less comfortable than their higher-end counterparts, then, as they say in Yiddish, gezuntahait.  Enjoy them and go forth in style!

They also sent me this faux snakeskin silver “hinge” bangle in purple. It is on sale right now for $19. Francesca does not understand how this is a “Fall Essential.” It is, in her opinion, a “Spring or Summer Option.” If you like the design and the color(s), again, it is perfectly nice for the price-point. Francesca was not “blown away,” but that is a matter of personal taste. If this bracelet tickles your  fancy, then Francesca will not look at you askance.

Francesca has just 3 words for this unfortunate glass-and-acrylic   bauble:

Barbie Dress-up Playset.

Though, if she squints, she can imagine the young girl with the pageboy haircut, jaunty attitude, and vintage clothing pinning this to her cloche to cute effect.

And now, in deference to Silhouettes, who were willing to send a box to Francesca internationally for her to try their wares without any hope of getting them back, she proposes another item from their site which suggests more promise: a classic Mock Wrap Dress in eggplant. She also points out that they have easy-priced, wide-calf boots, which Francesca knows is of utmost importance to  many the Big Girl.

PS From Francesca’s Inbox: Use code S96E2 for free shipping in the continental US on orders of $100 or more. Code is good through November 16.

The original Uggs, as we all know, are too terrible to picture here on a Monday.

Their more grown-up styles are not all bad.  Some are even pretty good, if you need something warm.

See? This one adjusts to fit wide calves and has a sheepskin lining. The stylish girl in the cold region could do much worse than to wear these in the depths of February.

But for the Spring? Uggs?

Um, what?

No no no no NO!

Even masked in florals, an Ugg is still an Ugg.

*looks around to make sure Plumcake isn’t in earshot*

Amazon is offering a 2009  calendar with pictures from Robert Jordan’s  Wheel of Time Series. Also remember that, as we’re now in 2009, we have less than a year to wait until the scheduled publication of the final book of the series, A Memory of Light. Francesca is so excited!

*sees Plumcake approaching and smiles innocently*

So, what do you think about these boots by Roberto Cavalli? Yea or Nay?