I think stressing over taming the topiary is sort of a young woman’s game.

The general consensus is men “expect” girls whose downton abbey looks like Atlanta after a visit from General Sherman because of porn. Now, I don’t actually believe any guy over the age of 23 can possibly be THAT clueless, but you know what?

If a guy’s understanding of sexual congress comes from repeated viewings of “White Men Can’t Hump” you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with him in the first place. That one was a freebie. You’re welcome.

Still, it’s your hair and you can do what you want with it.

I’m prone to ingrown hairs and my new beach bunny lifestyle (I think I mentioned it on twitter or Facebook, but I’m moving to a little Mexican beach town) is a lot more swimsuit intensive.

It’s also a lot more gettin’ some intensive and the pleasantness of either encounter is not enhanced by painful red bumps.

A few years ago a guy I asked a guy I worked with how he got his head so smooth. He told me he used Magic Shaving Powder, which was specially formulated for African-American men to prevent razor bumps/ingrown hairs.

I thought “hey, why not?” and now I look back upon my prior adventures in hair removal with the bitterest of laughs.

Of course the law firm of C.Y.A. & Associates requires me to tell you this product is not for use on your lady parts and should be used only as directed, so to be very clear: I am not recommending you do this, I’m just saying what I did.

Magic Shave comes in either a powder or a cream.

I use the powder because I can control the thickness of the paste and you get more bang for your buck. Scoop some powder into a bowl or plate –I use the lid from an old pint of a gelato because I’m elegant like that– and mix it with cool water until it has the texture of slightly thin toothpaste.

Spread it all over the desired area –I use the back of a plastic knife– and let that stuff percolate for a few minutes. You’re supposed to keep the area moist, so I keep a mist bottle around, but you could just put a damp paper towel atop the whole works. The directions say to leave it on 5 to 7 minutes, but I go for an even ten. Then rinse it off using the ol’ washcloth and cool water treatment.

The smell is not pleasant, but I find it a lot less offensive than Nair and at least it vanishes instead of lingering like a creepy guy at a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit the way other depilatories do.

Now here’s the clincher.

Bump Stopper 2.

Seriously gang. I don’t know what I did without it.

I just rub a teensy bit of the thick unscented cream on when I wake up and once again when I go to sleep & I’ve been ingrown-free since using it except for once and it vanished in two days. Plus I swear it stops regrowth from being itchy.

Of course you’ll want to do a test patch for both of these products first and follow all directions and wash behind your ears before you go to bed, and sit up straight get a real job and start giving me some grandchildren. I’m not going to be around forever you know.

Hello my chubby compadres, how’s every little thing? Me, I’m great. Just getting used to being back in Texas –by which I mean the face of the sun– after a glorious month of actual springlike weather in DC. Well, it’s Tuesday, so it’s time to find out
What Miss Plumcake is…

(now with sales code AND a recipe!)
(more…)

Being Dead is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral by Gayden Metcalfe & Charlotte Hays
Akoya Pearl 18″ Necklace (great price for these)
Professional Ceramic Hot Roller Set (so Jesus can see you coming!)
Johnson Brothers Deviled Egg Plate

Be sure to check back at the main ‘Tis the Season page to look back on profiles you’ve missed and look forward to ones that are soon to come!

As you can imagine, Francesca, Plumcake and Twistie receive many, many emails from the PR agencies, peddling various beauty products and personalities. Usually Francesca safeguards you from such matters, but this week she received one which actually might be useful, under the rainy circumstances. It is from the PR firm of the hair and makeup stylists mentioned here:

The stars at last night’s Golden Globe awards managed to look impeccable despite the rain.

However, most women don’t have a team of professional hairdressers, makeup artists and stylists to maintain their look during rainy conditions like celebrities (Francesca says: or assistants to hold the umbrellas on one’s behalf). Celebrity makeup artist Christopher Drummond and hairstylist Philip Pelusi offer tips on weathering the storm during a special event:

Makeup tips from Christopher Drummond

• If it is raining the day of a special event, stay away from liquid foundation, which has a tendency to “melt” and not last as long
• Add a little more makeup than you normally would for all products to prepare for the fact that some makeup will come off due to bad weather. Be sure to add layers to your foundation.
• Use water resistant products, such as Christopher Drummond Beauty products (Veludo Velvet Foundation and Finale Finishing Powder) (Francesca says: natch)

Hair Tips from Philip Pelusi:

• Check the weather report a few days in advance so you can plan to wear your hair up or down. If rain is in the forecast, plan ahead to wear your hair either all up or half up and half down.
• Pulling hair into an updo or half upsweep is the best strategy to stay looking good in rainy conditions because hair is already curled, pinned and sprayed in place. If it gets rained on a bit, hair can simply air dry in place, and it is also easier to keep an updo dry under an umbrella.
• If you wear your hair down and are caught by surprise, make sure to bring a small emergency kit in your purse to a special event with a few hair pins, a ponytail holder and a small purse size hair spray. If hair gets wet, go for a quick style change. Pull hair back into the ponytail and wrap hair around the ponytail holder and secure into place with the hair pins. Mist with spray.