Manolo for the Big Girl

…at least once a day.

(with apologies to the exquisite Thombeau)

Okay, you’re hungover. You had too much to drink or the champagne didn’t agree with you (champers hangovers are the very worst) or who knows WHAT’s wrong, but right now you’ve got the remaining wild population of Northern White Rhinos doing the opening number from A Chorus Line in your head and you would REALLY REALLY like it to stop before either you or they become extinct.

If you were smart, you took an aspirin and drank a big glass of water before bed, but if you’d done that, you’d probably not be hung now, so tuck that away for next time and keep reading.

There are all sorts of magical, mystical ways of “curing” hangovers: raw eggs, hair of the dog, menudo (though how a bunch of hairless closet-cases are going to cure a hangover I have no idea) but they’re all pretty much nonsense.

To cure a hangover (or almost any headache) you will need:

Really. That’s it.  And drink some water when you’re done.

I discovered this years ago at a Rose Tea held by the Daughters of The King when one of the doyennes bemoaned the loss of her “Beecee’s breakfast” as it was the only thing she missed from her “drinkin’ days.”  Now, in the South one does NOT question a Daughter, particularly not on the subjects of etiquette or drinking as they have developed both into art forms.  If you cross a Daughter you might as well sell your silver, move North and become a Unitarian. (I am sure there are very nice Yankee Unitarians out there, and someday I will teach you how to make pimento cheese the way the Lord intended and you can teach me how to …do whatever it is your people do. Order from LL Bean? Shovel snow? Give me a clue here.)

Anyway, you pour a little packet of powder on your tongue –Goody’s also works, or I guess you could crush up an aspirin or Excedrin– and wash (I feel like I should say “warsh”, but I just can’t) it down with your cold-as-you-can-stand-it Co’Cola.  You’ll see that the picture says Mexican Coca-Cola, and that truly is the ideal. It’s made with cane and not high-fructose corn syrup and is infinitely superior in every conceivable way to the stuff we get stateside.

Obviously if you live in Texas or California or any place with a large Mexican population, this is dead easy to find, but if you’re further north I’ve heard you can buy it at Jewish delis and markets, marked “Kosher for Passover” although it might not be available year ’round.

If you positively cannot get Mexican Coke, go for the red can. The plastic bottle doesn’t get cold enough and the diet ones don’t work (plus they’re gross).

Happy New Year! You were out all night last night partying with Disreputable Men and now as the dawn rises on the hangover of the decade, you look hatefully at those wicked, wicked heels you wore until the wee small hours and you are determined Never To Wear Heels Again This Time I Mean It.

Well, far be it from me to argue (although we all know you’ll be back) so just for today, why not slip on these little Onitsuka Tigers –the skimmer version of the ASICS classics– as you run to the store for the miracle hangover cure?

If you want the hangover cure, check back next hour, and happy New Year from all of us to all of you!

Now

Take a cab, take precautions, take a breath mint and have a blast!

On this post-Christmas Monday, Francesca wants to know:

1- So, WHAT DID YOU GET FOR CHRISTMAS?!? Dish.

2- What was the best gift you GAVE for Christmas?

3- How was your holiday? (Be frank. We are friends here.)

Toyland! Toyland! Little girl and boy land! By now you’re probably all toyed out, but I’ve saved if not the best, then possibly the biggest-haired one for last.

If you’ve never seen Walt Disney’s Babes in Toyland –released in 1961– you’re in for a treat. Annette Funicello’s hair! Ray Bolger’s evil moustache! Ed Wynn playing the same role he played in every movie he was ever in! Tommy Sands before Frank Sinatra personally ruined his career for divorcing Nancy!

I know purists might prefer the 1934 release with Laurel and Hardy, but this is one of those immaculate confections equally entertaining to baby boomers, kiddos, and people REALLY messed up on Plumcake’s Famous Double-Chocolate Booze Balls.

Before Beverly Hills Cop, before Coming to America, and WAY before Donkey and the fat suits (is that a genre now? Young black actor dressed as fat old woman? If so, I do not love it) Eddie Murphy was Billy Ray Valentine in Trading Places.

(okay, and how cute was Dan Aykroyd?! Totally cute, right?)

Ably assisted by Dan Aykroyd as Every Boy My Grandparents Ever Wanted Me To Marry and Jamie Lee Curtis –in a milkmaid costume! this is not for the kiddies but one of the funniest, wryest films of the 80’s, Christmas or not.

Clickyclick to buy or download.

Because what does Christmas need? ENORMOUS &*^% PETE TOWNSHEND WINDMILLS. From the rock opera/Ann Margaret frank’n'beans fest/self-indulgent extravaganza Tommy here’s “Christmas” by The Who.

Also, can we just talk about how filthyhot Oliver Reed is? Because he is. A lot. And I don’t even like villains. In FACT I feel like there should be some “stocking stuffing” double entendres going on, but since this is a family blog (and those are WAY played out) I won’t make them.

Click here to download the song, Or here to buy the movie (which you really, REALLY need).

Plumcake, Twistie, and Francesca wish all our readers who celebrate Christmas a joyous, peaceful, and festive holiday!

Remember, after Mary, the woman most associated with the Christmas spirit is a Big Girl.

xoxo

“Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!” –Saint Mame Dennis, Plumcake’s patron saint, better known as Auntie Mame

Truer words have never been spoken, or if they have, they haven’t been spoken with such pizazz, or with such a fabulous cigarette holder.  Like D.V. The Autobiography of Diana Vreeland, this entire screenplay should be committed to memory, INCLUDING blocking.

While not strictly a Christmas movie, it squeaks by on sheer fabulosity points and an integral Christmas scene. Fun fact: the tune “We Need a Little Christmas” is from the musical version of Auntie Mame.

Also, please note this is the Roz Russell version, while we love Lucy, the less said about her inferior-in-every-way remake the better.

Click to buy/download. You’ll thank me later.