Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

September 15, 2009

This is Why We Don’t

Filed under: Honey. No.,Intimates — Miss Plumcake @ 5:00 pm

Wear novelty panties unless we want people to see them.

courtesy of

August 31, 2009

The Daily Kick: Our First (I think) Poll!

Filed under: Flats,Honey. No.,Shoes,Survey Says,The Daily Kick — Miss Plumcake @ 7:00 am

I think we all know I hate this shoe:

T.U.K. Cat Mary Janes

Yes. It’s a lug-soled mary jane with a wraparound kitty design.

However, once upon a time in the not too hazy past I actually owned a pair of these, except they were black and the kitties were, you guessed it, pink. To my credit I only wore them once before my better nature (and friends who called me “pussy foot”) took over but there you have it. I owned these shoes.

The question is, are those kitty creepers better or worse than these discosasters from Irregular Choice:

Irregular Choice Kitty Platform Pumps

I mean, a lug-soled, top-stitched, “Punk died and all I got were these stupid kitten shoes” creeper is  only going to give you so much. It doesn’t get above its station.

And yet these platforms — even though I really might wear them sans kittens– might be the worse offense despite their cheesecakey goodness.

I am torn.

Which cat shoe is more offensive?

The heels, they’re like Hello Kitty goes to Studio 54…in a bad way.
The creepers, because 1993 wasn’t that much fun the first time, either.

Display Poll Results

July 30, 2009

One of These Deserves to be Saved from Extinction

Filed under: Honey. No.,Inspiration/Realization — Miss Plumcake @ 12:00 pm

Giant Freaking Squidmonster

Dreadful dress from Zaftique

…and the other one’s a dress.

Just say no to the hankie hem, gang.

June 30, 2009

Fourth of July Do’s and Don’ts

Filed under: Fashion,Honey. No.,Jewelry,Shoes,Summer,What Should I Wear? — Francesca @ 12:53 pm

The American Independence Day, it approaches, and Francesca knows how much the patriotic Americans love to dress on this day in outfits which evoke their flag! Hooray for the Red, White and Blue, Francesca says. But there is a Right way, and a Wrong way. Rule of thumb: if you are an adult and you would ONLY wear the outfit on the Fourth of July, it is probably a Wrong (little children are exceptions, and it is OK to wear ONE kitschy novelty item IF a Very Cheerful Relative offers you one). If you would wear it on August 10th, it is fine. For example:




Do (for a very informal family gathering):









June 29, 2009

Plumcake reminds you

Filed under: Honey. No. — Miss Plumcake @ 4:12 pm

It’s okay to go up a size.


And while normally I would call that The Rule of Beyoncé, our sadly bereaved friend Janet Jackson is the offender, seen here last year at the opening of one of Alexander “Despite never being attracted to women I secretly am in love with Plumcake and will marry her and spend all my days mixing her toddies and designing exquisite couture for her because she is my everything” McQueen’s boutiques.

Janet at the Met CostumeMcQueen S2008 Butterfly Kimono

I mean granted most of us aren’t Laura Blokhina who wore the look during McQueen’s summer 2008 RTW show which was brilliant from beginning to end. Blokhina was described on one internet resource as 5’11” and 180 pounds. HAHAHAHAHA. No. When I began modeling I was 5’10” and180 pounds which put me at about a size 16. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again –although this time I not lying and stifling a giggle– an inch does not make THAT much difference.


Miss Jackson is a thick girl with a kickin’ bod. I can’t say I agree with all her plastic-surgery choices but whatevs. Here Miss J is wearing a kimono. A KIMONO. They’re SUPPOSED to be loose and flowing.  Granted she’s had a bit of an alteration done to close up the neckline because we all know of her well-established nippular modesty and she wisely eschewed the amazing butterfly belt for something more suited to her 5’4″ rack-heavy frame, but this kimono? THIS KIMONO IS TOO TIGHT.

God. Why do I even have to SAY that?! ANSWER ME JANET! WHY?!

I mean the dress was a mistake from the get go, she’s too short for that gesture (and besides, it went out with Mrs Fiske) she would have looked yonks better in this from the same collection:

McQueen s2008 shorter kimono

Because it would have at least given her a little leg.

BUT even if she’d insisted on going with the longer look –and I’m telling you right now I would wear the HELL out of that thing, enormous belt and all, because while you adorable miniature people with the enormous boobs get all the boys, we tall girls with the travel-sized usuals get the best clothes which I think is totally fair– she would have done well to go up a size.

It would have draped better, freed her from what’s known in the South as the dreaded dunlapt disease (as in “my stomach dunlapt over my belt”) and who would’ve known about those extra two inches of fabric?

No one.

Except her stylist

and that’s why God invented “amnesia resultant from blunt force trauma with an American Music Award”.

June 16, 2009

Honey, No: Kate Mulleavy. I Hate to Do It Edition

Filed under: Fashion,Fat and Famous,Honey. No. — Miss Plumcake @ 5:08 pm

Kate Mulleavy –also known as “the chubby sister from Rodarte”– and I are totally best friends in my head. I could see us hanging out and talking about how old Agyness Deyn really is and how we love Kate Moss despite ourselves because all the other models do just as much coke and are STILL dead boring.

I bet she’d be a really good break-up buddy too, like I’d go over to her place and we’d drink way too much cava, watch Spiceworld and then sometime after the third bottle we’d try to prank call Victoria Beckham but not be able to carry it off without collapsing into piles of laughter. Then in a few weeks when she’s feeling down because Anna Wintour keeps bullying her to lose weight I’d pick her up in the Cadillac and teach her how to shoot a .44 and although Texas law prohibits shooting at paper targets with faces on them, I’d surreptitiously draw a severe bob on one of them and hijinks would ensue.

I also would talk to her about this:

Laura, La Dunst and Kate

Kate. This is not your best look. I’m not going to talk about the hair because I get that it’s a branding tool (although I will say it’s a leeettle mid-90’s Carnie Wilson for my tastes)  but the rest of the stuff, which you’ve apparently made your uniform, is not working very well for you.

You’re an actual real-life fashion genius, so WHAT is this about? You’re better than this. You look like a secretary I had to fire once because she wouldn’t stop crying at her desk.

It’s not that you look actively bad, but you’re at the Council of Fashion Designers of America Award, and you HAD to know you were going to win the big one, so black knit separates and a pair of skimmers (which is pretty much what you wore to last year’s CFDA’s)? Seriously?

CFDA 2007

The problem here isn’t that you look actively bad (which you don’t) or that you’re inappropriate for the event (which you are, even though I get this is your uniform) it’s that you’re committing three of the biggest crimes against style in the Big Girl book.

1) The bad bra. A big girl’s best friend is her bra, and yours could be better.  I think we’re similar in that we don’t have hugely enormous breast so often we can buy off the rack (as it were) as opposed to our more massively-mammed sisters who,  in trade for never having to buy their own drinks, have to get the army corps of engineers involved every time they need get their usuals in the upright and locked position. Everyone needs a well-fitted bra, but big girls need them the most, regardless of breast size, because we have to fight the battle of the schlub, and it doesn’t matter how great the outfit is; if you’re wearing the wrong bra, it’s a nonstop train to Schlubville Heights.

2) Slouching. I want to poke you in the back and make you stand up straight. I was ready to give you a pass because sometimes a slouch is inevitable in a group picture, but check it out:

Met Costume Institute Gala 2008

It just goes on and on, and your sister isn’t much better.  Here’s a hint from the classical music world, before you go on stage, roll and set your shoulders back. It will feel funny at first but it’ll set your posture beautifully. Of course you could always get one of these or, better yet, just pay me to travel around with you and nag.

3. Injudicious Black. I love black. I wear a lot of it. I’ve got dramatic features and coloring and black suits me extremely well, but when I wear black, I decide to wear black. It’s not a default. It’s not slimming by default, it’s not chic by default and it’s not flattering by default. Attention must be paid, and it’s not just adding a pop of color, which would do wonders, but it’s about paying attention to line and drape and proportion. Especially if you’ve got a short neck (which Kate and I do) You’ve got to create some visual space to rest the eye. To put it in other terms: Your body and face is the painting, your clothes are the frame. The space you don’t cover is the mat. 

with Mandy Moore

I get having a uniform as a designer;  Carolina Herrera has been working her impeccable shirtwaists for the past 30 years to great success (she’s also the only woman designer I can think of who was truly traditionally beautiful) and head to toe black is yours but maybe consider a little dash of something. After all, the uniform for the uniformly delicious New Zealand All Blacks aren’t even, well, all black.

The New Zealand All Blacks performing their Haka ritual

(Helllllooo Kiwi thighs…is it warm in here?)

And by the way. Don’t think I didn’t notice you’re wearing the same shoes in every photo I’ve found of you, going back to 2006. I know, how hard it is to find cute flats and I wear mine into the ground too, but if you insist on wearing skimmers to Important Fashion Events, at least get some new ones. Every season Valentino makes incredible slippers in a sort of burnished silver. They’re TDF. Git you some. Fetch me one of those Kiwis while you’re at it. I’ll be right over, and I’m bringing wine.

April 7, 2009

And now a word from Plumcake

Filed under: Honey. No. — Miss Plumcake @ 12:47 pm

Birki's Woodby Clog


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