Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

June 28, 2010

Lazy Monday Poll: Don’t Talk About The War edition

Filed under: Lazy Poll,Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 11:42 am

Good morning my little vuvuzelas, how’s every little thing?

It was a rough, rough weekend for your pal Plummy. Of course I’m taking about the World Cup. America’s loss to Ghana was sad because you hate the see the home team go down, but I like Ghana and if anyone deserves the psychological victory that comes with bringing home the big W against the U.S., it’s Ghana. BUT.

The England match.

Oh sweet buttered Bolingbroke, the England match.

Let me paint you a little picture: your pal Plummy is not only awake, but fully vested in her England soccer jersey and coordinating Hermès scarf (a girl’s gotta have a little glamor, especially when said girl will be drinking at 8 o’clock on a Sunday morning, because the difference between addict and enthusiast is all in the accessories) and enjoying a full Irish and a velveteen –like a Black and Tan but with cider instead of Bass, also called a snakebite– with my Irish expat friend at the local Irish pub.

The joint is packed with expats and a few wrongthinking people who support Germany –because fanatical Germans waving flags has ended so well for the world, historically–and they play We Will Rock you, which I am ashamed to admit makes me want to kick some ass (see also: the bagpipes. There is something deep in the genetic recesses of my whatever that, upon hearing a live rendition of Scotland the Brave takes me from my normal delightful and mild-mannered self to DOON WI’ TH’ ACCURSED SASSENACH! in about .82 seconds flat. Fun fact, if you watch the very dark  video you can juuuust about see Miss Plumcake in the background here, talking to one of the drummers who was so cute in his kilt I forgot the name of my date, which wouldn’t have been so bad had I not known the aforementioned date for TEN YEARS prior to the incident).

The game started and then…bad things happened.

And the worst part, THE WORST PART, wasn’t that the English were ROBBED of that goal by a stupid bad call –which of course resulted in many enthusiastic chants, the favorite seeming to be “The Referee’s a Wanker” to the tune of “Nanny Nanny Boo Boo”– but the fact that after the game when I went to my ANGLICAN as in ENGLISH church, our opening hymn was “Glorious Things of Thee Are Spoken” set to the tune of Austria by Franz Josef Haydn which is also the tune for…you guessed it: Deutschland, Deutschland Uber Alles, the German National anthem.

ANYHOODLE, what’s been going on with you? Anything grand?  Buy anything sparkly? Get arrested? Meet a new loooovair?  Anything going on in the world of fattery we need to know? Put it in the comments!

June 21, 2010

Lazy Monday Poll: Treason Edition

Filed under: Lazy Poll,Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 12:30 pm

Y’all, I am not even prepared to talk about how England is doing in the World Cup. I mean, exactly how many t-shirts do I have to wear before they stop choking like, well, like something I’m not going to say but is really funny?  I was running around church last week wearing my lucky England football t-shirt –the one with the neck cut out— and I spent the whole day IN THE SERVICE OF THE LORD looking like an extra from Flashdance who happened to have an unfortunate thyroid problem and STILL you choke? What tiny frogs, England? This is your national game. Shouldn’t you, like, BE GOOD AT IT? Whatever happened to the spirit of 66? Is it like Paul McCartney where you were awesome all through the 60’s and then committed the rest of your life to making people who want to love you stab themselves in the face? I mean look at America: we win the World Series every freakin’ year. POL POT has had a better year more recently than you have. GEEZE.

<deep breath>


What’s been going on with you? Are you, like me, perhaps a touch over-invested in THE GREATEST SPORTING EVENT IN THE WORLD (with the Navy/St John’s croquet tournament coming in a close but respectable second) or do you hate freedom and happiness and are ignoring the whole thing?  I’ve mostly been watching soccer, going to the gym, and talking admirable levels of smack about both the English (choke) and the French (who have been confirming my theory that all hot French men are really 12 year old girls 2 days before their first boy/girl dance). As my pal Joey –a professional sportscaster and Important Person Who Knows Stuff– says “They put up the white flag and surrendered again. I don’t know how those other stripes even GOT there.”

June 14, 2010

Lazy Poll: Sadly Sans Hotness Edition

Filed under: Boots,Lazy Poll,PRADA!,Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 2:00 pm

Happy Monday my little lamb shanks, how’s every little thing?

No Monday hotness this week I’m afraid.  I think we’re all still twitterpated from the All Blacks last week.

My big news is my precious beyond words brother survived yet another ghastly surgery to remove things in his body that really shouldn’t be there and I’ve spent the weekend researching teratomae –which can have EYES and TEETH and HAIR– to find out how I might appropriately and most effectively torment him about it when he’s all healed, because that’s what big sisters are for.

In other news, I joined a fly fishing club.

“But Plumcake” you say “you don’t know how to fish for flies!”

I know! But it sounds fun! I like water, and trout, and doing fiddly things that are also kind of stabby, and I might be good at it so who knows.  Plus I finally need an excuse to weave a fishing creel AND buy those Prada hip waders I’ve been loving since 2009.

Prada Fall 2009 RTW

(just kidding, although I did love that collection, Prada can still suck it, and those waders wouldn’t fit past my ankles)

So what about you? Anything exciting going on this week?

May 17, 2010

Lazy Monday Poll: High Fidelity

Filed under: Lazy Poll — Miss Plumcake @ 2:25 pm

Good morning my little mushroom caps, how’s every little thing? Well-rested? Delighted that it’s Monday and you’ve got a whole glorious work week full of cheersome colleagues and charming, reasonable bosses to look forward to? Me too! (That is sarcasm. I don’t do it very well.)

So let me just jump straight on my high horse this afternoon because I’ve been irked about it for a week:

Other people’s husbands:They are not for touching.

AND if you happen to BE someone else’s husband, kindly do not try to touch me. I don’t care if your wife doesn’t understand you. Maybe she doesn’t understand you because you’re trying to sleep with women who can only be described as “not her”.

I don’t know WHAT’S been going on lately, but men –men I know and like and until recently respected– have been All About This and while it is understandable because This (you’ve got to imagine me doing some sort of hand motion gesturing to my jelly, milkshake etc, I don’t really know what those things are: I don’t get MTV) is well worth wanting to get all up on, the fact remains that marriage in most cases means you’ve promised God and/or each other not to go chicken necking in someone else’s turtle pond until death you do part.

OH! And if you are GETTING married, you don’t get to expect any old-time’s-sake favors, either. Seriously? I mean SERIOUSLY?! Now THAT takes a pair, and a pair, IF YOU RECALL MISTER YOUKNOWWHOYOUARE, I am fully aware you do not possess and I don’t care if it WAS cold in that cabin. I will buy you a deviled egg plate and wish you well. I will NOT do that thing that almost got us kicked out of King’s Dominion that one time. God.

The same thing goes for girlfriends. If you’ve got one, you don’t get me and I don’t care if you are “in the process” of breaking up. I’m in the process of dying, that doesn’t mean I’m ready to shoot embalming fluid into my veins –although did you know you’re not allowed to buy only a cocktail before noon on Sunday in Texas? You have to buy food too. A bourbon and branch breakfast has become a post-church Sunday tradition for me, but since I had to go to the 9 a.m. instead of the 11:15 yesterday, I wound up with this:
bourbon and branch Sundays
Jeffrey Bernard should’ve punched me in the face.
(also, I am a Basil-Hayden’s girl and all they had was Maker’s. What am I, an animal?)

So anyway, that’s what’s on my mind today. What’s on yours?

May 10, 2010

The Lazy Monday Poll!

Filed under: Lazy Poll — Miss Plumcake @ 12:28 pm

Good morning my little duck confits, how’s every little thing?

Today I am greatly grieved to hear of the death of Lena Horne, who was capital F fierce.  She was one of the greats, my friends and I think it’s only fitting to revive the Friday Fierceness in her honor later this week.

Last week’s Lazy Poll opened up a deeply fragrant debate on whether it’s okay to snip someone’s lilacs without asking when Orora voiced her temptation. I am firmly on the side of If It’s Not Yours, Don’t Take It, while Suseo and Mrs. Hendricks weighed in for the “snip some” side.

Kai Jones added:

I have to come down on the “don’t steal other people’s lilacs” side. I’ve put a lot of work and money into my garden–and in the last 10 years I’ve lost 8 plants to people digging them up right out of the ground and stealing them. Every spring over half my daffodils are cut and taken by people walking by. People break branches off my rosemary shrub and ruin its shape, last year it died from the abuse and I have purchased and planted a new one–and already this spring somebody has broken off branches. Some days I’m so frustrated, I’m tempted to replace my entire front yard with poison ivy and just garden in the fenced back yard.

Why not ask? Every year when the hydrangeas are in bloom, some people from a local church drop by and ask if they can take some to decorate the altar–I always say yes.

Kai brings up an interesting logical point. Most logic will tell you if it’s okay for one person to do, it must be okay for everyone to do it, and if everyone snipped…well, that’d be one stumpy, dead lilac.

For those of you tempted to snip some wildflowers be careful: in some places it is illegal to pick wildflowers on state or county-owned land and SOMEONE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE ME, got a ticket her first spring in Texas for happily plucking bluebonnets from the side of a road.

We also chatted a bit about Glee and how disappointing its Very Special Fat Girl Episode was. I’ll have to say it redeemed itself this week when Bambi McTwitchyeyes finally grew a pair.

Melissa sang a familiar song of woe for girls –myself included– blessed with an Amish abundance of facial hair (although I maintain I have it worse than my Sicilian sisters because I’ve got black black hair on white white skin) and was asking for hair removal advice. I am a waxer and have taken a foray into laser hair removal.  What about you gals?

So what else is going on this week? I’m just about full unto busting with springtime festivities which will include my very first silly string fight! What about you?

May 3, 2010

Lazy Monday Poll: This Time Actually on Monday!

Filed under: Lazy Poll — Miss Plumcake @ 1:08 pm

Good morning my little pudding snacks, how’s every little thing?

Aren’t you proud that I actually managed to get the Lazy Monday Poll (which, as I’ve mentioned before, I pinched from Now Smell This, a perfume blog you all should read) up on what can only be described as an actual Monday? If not you should be.

Last week I asked you to weigh in on Boobquake, and many of you including Cat and Jezebella,  had the same feelings about it that I did, and are tired of being asked to get their kit off for Very Special Causes.  While Orora wrote:

“Well, I kinda look at Boobquake this way: I’m a multi-faceted person. I’m sexual and smart. I can be both at the same time. If other people look at me as an object for showing excess cleavage (to borrow a phrase) that’s their issue. It doesn’t diminish my feelings about my own smarts if someone looks at me and just sees boobs. For me, and I don’t presume to speak for any other woman, feminism means the right to embrace my sexuality and my brain.”

Our own beloved but clearly wrong-thinking Miranda said she didn’t get it, and besides “the only Lafayette that matters is on True Blood.”  Doctor Google tells me in a television show about vampires, which normally would be grounds for much mocking, but because she did just get accepted to Tulane (congratulations) I shall withhold my mockery and simply point out that there are only two Lafayettes that truly matter:

Lafayette #1:
Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de La Fayette aka General Lafayette, who is the only person to appear on both the my list for  Top Five Biscuits of the American Revolution and Top Five Biscuits of the French Revolution.

General Lafayette

(I’d hit it like it was Louisiana in a land grab)

and Lafayette #2

April 27, 2010

So Lazy It Didn’t Even Happen on Monday Lazy Monday Poll

Filed under: Internet Friends,Intimates,Lazy Poll — Miss Plumcake @ 10:20 am

Good morning my little snickerdoodles, how’s every little thing? What’s been going on in your week?

In all the excitement over that “excess cleavage” yesterday I completely forgot to do a Lazy Monday Poll!

To recap from last week, it took a big girl village to help Orora find a pair of inexpensive interview shoes with a mid-heel –she went with the Bandolino “Berry”:

Bandolino Berry

Jen209 planted a seed in my little noggin about a feature on Bonmarche Swimdresses, which I’m working on for either this week or next. Has anyone ever noticed how ugly most swimsuits are? Really. Wow.

On the less formal side of things, Teteatete proudly displayed her new favorite t-shirt, emblazoned with what can only be described as a Discopus (a sparkly octopus) and of course I had to have a lie down because even after the first Scotch of the day, I cannot deal with glittery cephalopods as a fashion choice (though I embrace her right to wear anything she loves that much).

Our beloved Beth just flew in from Paris (and boy are her arms tired…sorry, couldn’t resist) as we discussed her delightful experience at the Serge Lutens boutique at Les Salons du Palais Royal Shiseido, which only made me want to throttle her from jealous a TEENSYTINYWHOLELOT bit. La Petite Acadienne and Jennifer –among others– pitched in with their own trials and vials. Of course, there was a side discussion of Moroccan men (who I’ve noticed especially favor Chergui) and their hotness and enthusiasm for the big girl.

I am extremely in favor of Hot Moroccan Guys and think every girl ought to have one.

traded her man some home baked goodies for a piece of art nouveau jewelry, which is all well and good but I’m a little disappointed that “pineapple upside down cake” was, in fact, an actual cake and not some complicated bedroom maneuver.

So I’ve been thinking about this boobquake thing, and I’m torn…


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