Let me expand on what Francesca’s surely sainted mother said. Don’t leave the house without something that makes you feel fierce. If putting lipstick and earrings on makes you feel all stepfordy and weird, don’t do it. Plumcake herself, who’s got big ole Angelina Jolie lips, doesn’t wear much lipstick at all but I’d rather let Heinrich Himmler give me a Brazilian than leave the house without the eyelashes –extensions or individuals, depending on whether my fantabulous stylist friend has been over for Scarves and Sunnies Night* recently– that make my blue eyes bluer and lets me look pulled together and glamorous even if I wake up hung over, covered in bulldog slobber with 10 minutes to get to church which quite frankly, happens more often than you might think.

(Plumcake loves Dior Sunglasses, while hers aren’t available online here are a similar pair on big sale from Amazon.com)

It’s all about what makes you feel good about you. A wise old nun –seriously, penguin get-up and all (speaking of which, black and white is going to be all over the place for the next few seasons and I love it) — once told me to “always have more fun than anyone else” and I don’t know about you ladies, but it’s pretty hard for me to have fun when I’m tromping around feeling like the unfortunate and frumpy love child of a yeti and an Amish drag queen.

So wear earrings…or not. Wear lipstick…or not. But wear something, anything, that makes you look –and more importantly, feel– fantastic.

*Scarves and Sunnies Night: when Plumcake and her friends put on their glammiest sunglasses and scarves and pile into Stella, Plumcake’s fabulous-beyond-words classic Cadillac convertible, and drive around Austin, waving at the proletariat.

I don’t French kiss inanimate objects, it’s just a personal policy. Sure I might get a little snuggly with some flats at a traffic light, and okay if there’s a guy you know who’s in a coma but has a hospital wing named after his family, let me know, but otherwise the rule remains: no pulse, no pucker. That’s just the way I roll.

That being said, I totally want to kiss these things with tongues, and so should you.

The Footpetals “Stiletto Survival Kit” is a revelation and quite possibly the only reason I don’t fall face-first onto asphalt more often than I do (which is to say, more than once a day). I’ve used just about every insert on the planet and these are by far the best.

I don’t know how they do it, but I suspect it involves human sacrifice and harvesting unicorn horns at midnight, and you know what? I am totally okay with that. Well, not the human sacrifice because y’all know how I’d hate to see our readership go down, but seriously, what was the last thing a unicorn ever did for you?

I’m just sayin’.

Typically they’re 49.95 and worth every penny, but they are on super sale at www.footpetals.com. Bonus: use coupon code FPVIP207 and get an additional 20% off your order!