Okay gang, I am about to reveal a deep and shocking secret about myself. I mean this is some next-level Final Season of Oprah stuff that’s about to go down. Ready?

I am, at times, a teensy bit particular.

I will graciously wait while you try to reclaim some sense in your now topsy-turvy universe.

Good.

That being said, there’s a difference between being particular and being unreasonable. If I’m going to my favorite Highly Questionable Taco Cart (Taqueria Las Rosas #2 holla at your girl! Orale!) I don’t expect haute cuisine, I don’t ask too many questions. I just take my taco, try not to knock over any of their fiber optic/ patriotic Jesus statuary and call it a noche.

The same goes for shoes and clothing. If I’m buying a $50 dress, I expect a few threads hanging here or there or less-than-luxe fabrication. If I’m dropping $500? My standards are a lot higher.

My standards were high when I ordered two pairs of boots from London-based Duo.

After hemming and hawing, I decided on the black suede over-the-knee Tulip and the cognac leather knee-high Rochelle.

Duo boots aren’t astronomically expensive –most of the boots run around $225-$325, perfectly reasonable for a pair of quality European-made leather boots– but their flagship fitting room is on Savile Row, a street in London that’s been shorthand for flawless bespoke tailoring for over 200 years.

You do not mess around on Savile Row.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, my initial experience with Duo was not a pleasant one.

Even allowing for the cultural difference (I’m not saying Texans are necessarily nicer people, I’m just saying you think twice about being rude to someone if you’re in a concealed handgun state) I was Not Impressed with the attitude I received from the customer service when after close to a month, I asked after the whereabouts of my boots. That being said my other interactions have been –I won’t say overly warm, but the British didn’t build an empire on warmth– but absolutely satisfactory.

The Fit:

Getting into them is a wee bit difficult as the zipper only goes up to the knee, but a full zip would ruin the look. The toe box is nice and roomy for a wide foot with an elegant almond toe and surprisingly cushy padding, and although the ankle was a bit loose for my personal preference –I have slender ankles for someone with big calves– they were cut generously enough to fit a thick-ankled woman without looking slouchy on someone with slimmer ones. I ordered my regular size and went down a centimeter on the calf fit because leather –especially suede– stretches and I don’t like the slouch-boot look.

The Construction:

The suede is excellent and uniformly soft with only minor flaws in the nap.

These flaws are just going to happen with any natural material and I was pleasantly surprised by its quality and softness. I don’t know what animal they use but it feels like lamb or kid, both of which make suedes with a much finer texture than calf. If it IS calf then I am even more impressed.

The lining was another happy surprise: an incredibly supple fuchsia nappa leather extending to the top of the zipper. The over-the-knee part is finished with the same black suede as the outside, which means you can wear them cuffed to knee-height if your little heart desires.

The stitching is small and even, with the thread changes noticeable but not prominent (anyone who asks why I care about thread changes has clearly never been poked in the leg all day by a bristle-stiff loose end from an improperly secured thread change) and the turns are sharp, no lazy finishing here.

I noticed a few less-than-straight cuts on the leather lining, but I’d classify that more in the realm of adding charm than detracting from the quality.

Comfort:
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I was at our sad little Saks the other day because that morning I awoke and knew with an absolute certainty I would positively EXPIRE unless I had a pair of pearl white Clubmasters rightthatveryminute and I knew I’d seen them at Saks once upon a time.

They’d been fresh on my mind since watching Die, Mommy, Die in which Jason Priestly –the omnisexual tennis pro– wore them and reminded me how cool they look when worn with old-school style instead of this new unwashed hipster nonsense.

(trust me, they’re fab)

Anyhoodle.

Since I was at Saks already, I popped by to chat with my Chanel gal who is still a pal even though I don’t shop at KarlMart anymore.

Apparently they’ve discontinued my favorite product, the Precision Eclat Originel radiance serum –I bought five bottles a few years ago and am at the bottom of the last one now so with radiance on the brain (and still boycotting Karl) I popped next door to Sephora.

I almost never go to Sephora because I am a delicate snowflake whose shell-like ears cannot handle the aural assault of the blaring dance music they seem to favor, but I was out of my OTHER Magickal Elixir of Plumcakely Beauty –the Caudelie Vinoperfect Radiance Serum– and since I’ve given up sleep and happiness for the foreseeable future, my normally flawless alabaster visage needs a little sumpin’ sumpin’. Like a paper bag.

I bought two new items: The Make Up Forever HD Microperfecting Primer in Mauve and the HD Microfinish Powder, also from MUFE.

I got a little freebie of the neutral HD primer last year and really liked it, but I have the memory retention of a developmentally delayed guppy, so of course I forgot about it until I saw it in the shop.

I am extremely fair-skinned but I have instead of a pink or pure blue undertone, I have olive, which means I can go sallow, and this mauve stuff? Is genius.

Violet “color correctors” are nothing new, but this is by far the best I’ve tried. It’s got all the things I love about the regular HD primer –goes on like a dream, doesn’t cake, makes makeup stay put and last– plus brightens and evens out my skin. It really is almost luminous (and NOT from mica or glitter particles THANK YOU.)

It’s moderately pricey, but you only need a teensy bit and it doesn’t ball up or curl on the skin like some other primers do.  Plums up. Big fan.

The powder:

Wow.

This is a good powder.

But…I almost don’t want to call it a powder because it’s such a completely difference species from the old Coty loose powder or anything in a solid, and it’s lighter and cake-proof unlike the pure mineral veils.

It’s like the Photoshop “blur” tool in particle form.

I put it on over my regular skin care products and although I wouldn’t say it provided any coverage per se –which is good, because I didn’t want coverage– it made my skin look almost angelically soft, naturally.

Warning: It is ALL about the brush with this product.

You absolutely need a kabuki brush and you need to buff it in well. Not that it will look bad if you don’t buff properly, but you won’t get that perfect radiance either. If you don’t have or don’t want to invest in a kabuki brush –my favorite is this dead cheap real badger brush which is like, six bucks — then just skip it.

So two big Ws for the Make Up Forever products!

I also purchased their Mist and Fix spray which supposedly sets your makeup and is beloved by MUAs the world over. I haven’t put it through its paces yet, but it’s in the works, including before and after photos!

Dear Chanel Rouge Hydrabase Creme Lipstick in “Energy”,

Listen, I know it’s been a long time since you’ve heard from me. Ever since you discontinued yourself and ruined our relationship I haven’t really had the emotional strength to try to be friends again. We were so good together, but you decided good wasn’t good enough and left me. Well, Energy, fine. I don’t need you. Sure we had some laughs, but I’m with someone else now. Someone who understands me. Someone who doesn’t set me back thirty bucks and STILL melts off whenever I even look at a wine glass. Don’t think I forgot about that, OR the time you melted in my car and messed up the dove gray kid leather and cost me $200 to have cleaned, and you know what tools the guys at the Volvo place are.  Anyway, Energy, I’m happy now and I hope you are too (p.s., I secretly don’t).

Do Not Love,

Miss Plumcake

So. The perfect neutral lip. It’s like a unicorn, right? Except if you give me a goat and a hacksaw I can make a unicorn.

As I’ve said, I don’t wear a ton of makeup because I am a natural beauty (and by “natural beauty” I think we all know I mean “have three aestheticians on speed dial”) but since I’m quite fair and my lips take up a lot of room on my face, I find I really need a little pop of something on them.  However, it can’t be anything too dark unless I’m doing a statement lip, because well…I’ve got a lot of mouth.

Enter the Sally Hansen Lip Inflation Extreme in Sheer Cherry.

Now first, it will not inflate your lips, extremely or otherwise. It might puff up extremely thin lips, or if you’ve got fine lines around your lip line, but I didn’t notice anything but a mild tingle on mine.

It looks very pink in the tube, almost coral, but goes on beautifully sheer and smells faintly like spicy bubble gum.  There’s still good color payoff, but it’s very much a gloss and not a lipstick in gloss form.

Recently I’ve been wearing it plain for day and over L’Oreal’s HiP Color Rich Crayon in either Attentive or Meticulous for evening or dressier occassions:

Okay y’all, these things might be even a better find than the lip color.  Because these crayons? Do Not Budge. I believe they’re technically eyeliners, so caveat emptor and whatnot on using them on your lips. Last night I wore Attentive with the Sheer Cherry and although the gloss was smooched off, the crayon stayed put through some light but fairly dedicated necking.

Again, it goes on fairly sheer, so don’t expect a Goldfinger look.

The only thing I don’t like about these crayons is they don’t blend easily, which I guess is the trade off you make when you get something that doesn’t budge.  When I tried to do a light variation of a shimmering smokey eye, blending Authentic –a sort of sfumato pine green– into Meticulous, it was pretty difficult.

I had decent luck with some aggressive blending using a MAC 217 –which is THE blending brush, none other can compare– but if you’re not a dab hand in the cosmetic arts, I’d stick to these as either all over color or just eyeliner.

That being said, if I had to pack a “face in a bag” for a long weekend somewhere, I could happily make do with Attentive on the eyes and lips, plus Sheer Cherry on the lips and cheeks and look perfectly polished all weekend.

Do you have a Holy Grail beauty product I should know about?

If so, tell me here!

Because I love you all so very very much (and also because I needed underwear) I braved the mall and found myself trying on various pieces of Lane Bryant’s most recent collection and I’ve got to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I hope this is the shape of things to come.

Well, not THIS shape.

Python Jumpsuit

This shape is a disaster.

You know how sometimes you’ve accidentally injured yourself and you know you shouldn’t look and just wrap something around it until you can get to the emergency room (what? I’m clumsy) but you do look and it’s JUST AS AWFUL as you thought it would be and you fall down the stairs because you’ve passed out and bled all over your white furniture which, honestly, was a bad purchase in the first place and then you spend the next three weeks getting Concerned Looks from people who clearly think you’re a battered woman and not just a thirty year-old moron who should really know better than to try to use an electric staple gun outside when it’s windy?

It’s like that.

This, on the other hand, looked super cute in the LB visuals.  It’s sunny! It’s got French cuffs! It’s got a bow and  it kinda looks like you should be walking your pet lamb (in a good way)!

(it’s not currently available online)

Surprisingly, it was an EPIC FAIL!  I know! Who woulda thought?!  It’s such a great shape.

I think the problem here was twofold.

Fold #1: It was relatively new in the store and hadn’t been properly steamed so the ruffles and the rosettes and the whatnot all just were sort of this big smooooosh of wrinkled cotton. All of that, PLUS the darts PLUS the wrinkles in the dress –oh and this thing will wrinkle faster than a cold man in a speedo–  just made it look messy.

I like the rosettes, and I don’t really mind the tuxedo ruffles, and of course I love a nice big bow but it really could have benefited from some better editing at the design stage. There’s just a lot going on and as someone with a Loud Face (remember, I look like a cartoon frog in real life) it’s just Too Much Happening.

HOWEVER, this could be a godsend for the big girl with a  long neck and small bust or a very bottom-heavy pear (eggplant?) because all that visual folderol going on in  your bustular region would balance out your shape beautifully. Plus, if you’re a darker skinned Big Girl you can buy this and just swan around looking gorgeous and making everyone hate you for being able to wear bright yellow, NOT THAT I’M BITTER.

Which brings us to the big winner, which could not have been more of a surprise:

T-shaped Drama Dress

I was shocked.

Listen, I know my own body and I know what looks good on it. There’s a reason most of my dresses have a deep V neck –I am not blessed with an overabundance of bosom so it’s not problematic for me– nipped in waist and a flowing skirt. It looks good on me. BUT, I’m also aware it’s important to not get into a rut about our bodies or our clothes.

If we try on a different silhouette, it reframes how we look at our bodies. It’s fresh. Interesting.

This thing doesn’t even HAVE a waist, it’s an extremely modest crew neck and it’s shorter than I typically wear. I would’ve bet dollars to doughnuts (although I don’t especially like doughnuts) that dress was the domain of the apple.

This might be Too Much Dress if you’re quite petite because it depends a good deal on the distance between the hemline and the shoe (by the way, this is about the first time Lane Bryant’s stylists have gotten a shoe close to right for a dress. You want something heavy to anchor the look) but I’d really commend it to anyone else looking for something new and interesting to wear that’s high drama but not a boobfest or clingy.

Texans, it might surprise you to find out, are not what one might call an understated people.

We don’t really do subtlety or nuance or cynicism, all things necessary for good fashion. Austin, for all its coolness, is not a fashion city. And you know? That’s okay by me.

However, during South by Southwest, the music and film festival that brings a bazillion people streaming into my town this week from all over the world, a sort of Underground railroad of fashion springs up.

Last night I went to an event at one of the stops and it necessitated Serious Fashion Makeup.

Now, I don’t get to do a full on editorial makeup often, so I decided to do a look inspired by the MAC Style Warrior visuals from S/S of last year:

I was particularly inspired by Sam Chapman’s tutorial on her version of the look which had a little bit more of a 1920′s feel that suits me better than the 80′s redux of the MAC visuals.

Since it was a bit misty last night and I knew I had a few stops to make before returning to Château Gâteau for the evening, I wanted to make sure the makeup stayed in place BUT I didn’t want to use a hardcore fixative.

Enter Make Up For Ever HD Microperfecting Primer.

I don’t own a full bottle of this, I just got it as a free sample of the neutral (white in the bottle, goes on clear) from Sephora.   This look lasted all night through three venues and a brief episode where I got caught in a light rain.  I pressed the pigment powders onto the skin while the primer hadn’t completely absorbed and let me tell you, although it blended beautifully, that makeup wasn’t going ANYWHERE.

This stuff is great and I highly, HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you have problems with make-up “traveling”  or if you choose not to use oil-based products on the eye (I can’t because it’s bad for my eyelash extensions). I couldn’t feel it on my face, the look stayed flawlessly loud and it washed right off with a cleansing pad.

Verdict: Two Enthusiastic Bottoms Up

Silhouettes recently sent Francesca three “Fall Essentials” of their choosing to review on the blog. They were gifts to Francesca, but as always Francesca is 100% honest with her readers about the items’ quality and style — with thanks, of course, to the Silhouettes for thinking of us.

It is difficult for Francesca to have to start with the shoes, because as our readers know, here at Chez Manolo we deal in the highest-quality-materials-and-craftsmanship feetswear, which one cannot possibly get for the retail price of $49, which is what these shoes cost. So Francesca asks herself, If I were one of the many superfantastic girls who, doing the best she could, wanted to spend no more than $50 on the pair of shoes, what would I think about these? And the answer is that, for what they are, these are very attractive shoes. Francesca loves the medium heel and the suede- and Oxford-inspired style, which is “in” right now, and in the brown color they are perfect for the Fall wardrobe. As long as one understands that everything but the sole is constructed of man-made materials, that they will not last for many seasons, and that they are less comfortable than their higher-end counterparts, then, as they say in Yiddish, gezuntahait.  Enjoy them and go forth in style!

They also sent me this faux snakeskin silver “hinge” bangle in purple. It is on sale right now for $19. Francesca does not understand how this is a “Fall Essential.” It is, in her opinion, a “Spring or Summer Option.” If you like the design and the color(s), again, it is perfectly nice for the price-point. Francesca was not “blown away,” but that is a matter of personal taste. If this bracelet tickles your  fancy, then Francesca will not look at you askance.

Francesca has just 3 words for this unfortunate glass-and-acrylic   bauble:

Barbie Dress-up Playset.

Though, if she squints, she can imagine the young girl with the pageboy haircut, jaunty attitude, and vintage clothing pinning this to her cloche to cute effect.

And now, in deference to Silhouettes, who were willing to send a box to Francesca internationally for her to try their wares without any hope of getting them back, she proposes another item from their site which suggests more promise: a classic Mock Wrap Dress in eggplant. She also points out that they have easy-priced, wide-calf boots, which Francesca knows is of utmost importance to  many the Big Girl.

PS From Francesca’s Inbox: Use code S96E2 for free shipping in the continental US on orders of $100 or more. Code is good through November 16.

Francesca spent an afternoon reading the new memoir by Crystal Renn, a former “straight” size model (that is, size 00) who decided to stop starving herself and is now the most successful plus-size (12) model in the world. Entitled Hungry, the book (co-authored with Marjorie Ingall) describes Renn’s relatively happy childhood; her descent into anorexia and exercise bulimia beginning at age 14 after a scout told her she could be a supermodel; and her rise to fame after re-gaining dozens of pounds.

The book is a quick read, and Francesca enjoyed the peek into the brutal world of modeling and the many illustrative pictures of Renn, which show how much more animated and photogenic she is now that she is healthy. The writing isn’t high literary art, and the (sometimes excessive) references to contemporary pop culture will make the book obsolete in a few years, but still … it is an interesting story, certainly worth an afternoon. Francesca also appreciates that many of the statistics and observations which support the HAES movement have been published in one place.

The important aspect of this book is the messages it conveys about weight and popular media. One good one comes through strongly: that people in the fashion world have a dramatically skewed view of beauty and thinness. Another valuable message is that eating disorders are not only not healthy but also NOT WORTH IT. I’m glad that a beautiful model is getting out there and saying that even a modeling career isn’t worth the hunger, and exhaustion, and inability to focus she suffered when she was eating nothing but steamed vegetables and gum, and exercising for 8 hours a day.

Renn’s argument is somewhat weakened by the fact that she did not, in fact, give up her modeling career. Francesca thinks that what Ms. Renn wants to communicate – and obviously means sincerely – is that the best way to live is to give your body what it needs and take care of yourself, and that good things will follow. Indeed it is fascinating to read how Renn’s career skyrocketed after she went plus-size.

That message would be stronger –albeit less dramatic – if it were coming from someone who had actually given up her modeling dream in order to be healthy, and had found success and happiness some other way. As it is, the book is saying “look, I gained back the weight and now I’m a supermodel ANYHOW!” without acknowledging that it wouldn’t happen that way for most people. As Renn explains in the book, most plus-size models are forever limited to “catalogue” work, as opposed to the more artsy and more prestigious “editorial” work in the fashion magazines.

It is terrific and inspiring that Ms. Renn has broken through the plus-size/editorial barrier, but Francesca wishes that somewhere in the book she’d said that going from size 00 to 12 – and becoming healthier and more emotionally stable in the process — would have been worth it even if no one ever wanted to take her picture again.