Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

January 10, 2011

Who Missed Me?

Filed under: Fashion,Sports,The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 8:41 am

Hello my little Monchichis! It has been too long! Although I had a big time on my little Come Undone –until you have watched Casablanca while being massaged with sweet almond oil massage by a hot not-precisely-clothed soccer player FROM Casablanca, you have not seen Casablanca the way it ought to be seen, and that was just my Friday– I have, of course, been nothing without you and I am sure from the hundreds upon thousands of tear-stained note cards delivered to stately Château Gâteau (by which I mean like six emails, but I know you MEANT to write hundreds upon thousands of tear-stained notes) that you have been absolutely nothing without me.

So let’s start this New Year right (if a little late) with Hot boys and shoes.

In the theme of smokin’ hot North African footballers, I give you Zinedine Zidane (who is actually from Marseilles, but his parents are Algerian) and Luis Figo who, while not from North Africa –he’s Portuguese– IS smokin’ hot, and that my friend is the international language of Plumcake. I like to imagine they’re reenacting the “hill of beans” speech from Casablanca, with Zidane playing the part of a young and tearful Ingrid Bergman.

Also pretty on the outside: D&G leopard print t-straps. I’ve always said “If you’re gonna do leopard, it had better be Dolce.” This is why.
D&G leopard t-straps (on big sale!)

and finally, perhaps most importantly, it’s time we take a moment from our busy schedules, pause and remember that no matter how hard our lives or how painful our toils, there’s always (siiiiiigh) Xabi.

December 3, 2010

‘Tis the Season for the Athena Athlete

Filed under: Internet Friends,Plumcake's Closet,Shoes,Sports,Tis the Season — Miss Plumcake @ 12:38 pm

Nike Gym Club Bag (how cute is this?!)
Brooks Glycerin 8’s –suggested by superfantastic Athena-class triathlete Kerrie
Camelbak Quick Grip Water Bottle with Chill Jacket
Nike+ Sport Armband for iPhone (I don’t know what I’d do without mine)

Be sure to check back at the main ‘Tis the Season page to look back on profiles you’ve missed and look forward to ones that are soon to come!

November 19, 2010

Be Casual

Filed under: Advanced Fashion,How To Wear It,Jewelry,Shoes,Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 3:42 pm

I’ve never really cared that much about Casual Fridays until the World Cup back in July when I developed an affectionate rivalry with one of the publishers who holds extremely wrongthinking views on just about every possible team and, like wrong people everywhere, need to be reminded constantly of their wrongliness.

So Friday quickly became Football Friday, with your pal Plummy showing up in a new bit proper football-related gear every week, mostly just to annoy the Wrongthinking Publisher.

Historically I do not do casualwear. Jeans and t-shirts look sloppy on big girls (don’t argue, they do. Fact.) and since I take my role as Professional Fat Girl extremely seriously, I feel I need to lead by example and fight the sloppy stereotype, so Monday through Thursday, when everyone else at the office is in jeans and shapeless tees, I wear dresses or –if I’ve missed a wax– dark jeans and a cashmere sweater. The problem is, how do you turn something inherently casual like say, this admittedly lurid Barcelona jersey, into A Look?

Go High/Low.

You’ve heard a lot about the concept of High/Low dressing. Mixing inexpensive or casual pieces with luxury or more formal goods is pretty much the first rule in the Advanced Fashion playbook and can be used to great effect when you want to deploy a tee of which you are particularly fond.

For me this generally translates into glamming it up with the accessories, being sure to wear at least one piece of noticeable luxury and a serious bit of shine to balance out a bottom-of-the-table look.

To go high/low with today’s 2009/2010 Barca away jersey I’m wearing:

Lane Bryant dark trouser cut jeans (click images for links)

All Black yellow snakeskin skimmers

Hermés vintage Brandenbourgs in the light blue colorway (get you one! I LOVE this scarf!) tied kerchief-style in my hair.

A pair of big sparkly sky blue vintage earrings. You’ll pry mine off my cold, dead, ears but these from Kendra Scott (who, full disclosure, is in Miss Plumcake’s social circle) would do nicely:

http://www.zappos.com/kendra-scott-echo-earrings-tide

A bit more makeup than I usually wear –this is important when going casual because you don’t have a dress or slick outfit to polish you up– and to top it off, a vintage black and blue brocade tuxedo jacket. Okay, you might not have a collection of dinner jackets just taking up space the way I do, but if you still want to do the womens jackets thing, go for a nice boyfriend-style single button blazer worn casually on top.

So happy Friday and because I’m almost certain the Wrongthinking Publisher will read this, What’s the difference between hot tea and Arsenal? Tea actually has a chance of staying in the cup!

November 16, 2010

What Miss Plumcake is…

Filed under: Books,Holidays,Jewelry,Music,Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 12:40 pm

Reading – Elizabeth Taylor: My Love Affair with Jewelry This is pretty much porn for the beyond-the-glamordome girls out there. I mean there’s jewelry and then there’s Elizabeth Taylor Jewelry. Obviously the catalog is amazing and the photographs are brilliant, but what makes this such a sweet and compelling read are the little personal stories she tells about personalities big and small. Sure she’s crazy, but she makes the crazy work for her. We should all be so crazy.

Watching – I’m On Setanta TV/ Special 1 TV.  Why not? I’m fantastic. Be champions!

Hearing – Lyle Lovett. My affection for this long, tall Texan is well-documented and he puts on one of the consistently best live shows I’ve ever had the pleasure to see.  Lyle was in town filming the last Austin City Limits show to be taped in historic studio 6A and he and his large band tore it up for two nights at the Paramount theater. His band is tight, his hair is high and his shows are two and a half hours of all-killer no-filler (and no intermission) awesomeness. Get you some.

Smelling – Padparadscha by Satellite. The hard-to-find Style Spy brought back a sample of this exotic juice from a little costume jewelry shop in Paris called Satellite.  Named after the pink-orange sapphire, this is exactly what you’d think of when you hear the phrase “all the perfumes of Arabia” deep, rich, intense and languorous, you can practically see the heavy-lidded odaliscas anointing themselves with this thick amber scent as they wait for their pasha.

Loving –CreateTheGood.org November marks one of my favorite volunteer opportunities of the year, where I wait tables for the annual Feast of Sharing dinner, that serves a holiday meal to thousands upon thousands of Austinites around the Thanksgiving Holidays. As you know, your pal Plummy is a huge proponent of volunteerism all year long (gotta burn off those purgatory points somehow!) but especially during the holidays. Check out createthegood.org to find volunteer opportunities in your neighborhood.

Hating – Nippies. Seriously, even for pasties these things are tacky. Austin was a hotbed of the burlesque revival so I know my way around a tassel or two but these are about the worst things I’ve been asked to hawk in a long time.

Wanting – A Jose Mourinho bobblehead doll. Seriously? Seriously? They have a damn bobblehead doll for every.freakin’.thing. under the sun and I cannot get ONE decent Special One figurine? I mean sure I found one that was PURPORTEDLY Jose Mourinho, but it didn’t have the special scarf. What good is the Special One without his special scarf? No good.

Buying – Anything padparadscha orange.  Maybe it’s the perfume or maybe it’s because I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about jewelry recently but I cannot get enough of that unusual pinky-orange. Recently I’ve been keeping padparadscha orange calla lilies on my desk at home. Fabulous.

November 15, 2010

The Monday Hotness: La Furia Roja Edition (part 1)

Filed under: Sports,The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 3:37 pm

If you know anything about your pal Plummy you know I love three things: Fashion, football and shirtless men I don’t have to talk to.*

Lucky for me, these three worthy pursuits have come together to form the sort of tripartite hotness spectacular that usually can be created only in laboratory conditions using highly theoretical mathematics, super computers and flecks of Jose Mourinho’s man-tan.

That’s right, I’m talking about the Spanish National Team’s new kit, which debuts today and was preceded by what I feel comfortable in calling the single greatest contribution to the visual arts since Michelangelo decided that popcorn finish looked a bit slapdash.

Hat tip to the gentlemen and scholars of The Beautiful Gear.

For those of you who just got off the boat from Mars, Spain won the World Cup back in July against the Filthy Filthy Dutch. You may recall Spain Captain Iker Casillas as star of the previous Monday Hotness and the one off Monday Adorableness some months back (for those of you who don’t know why I hate the Filthy Filthy Dutch or how I dated my first professional footballer this is essential reading) or how I wanted to rub a pat of butter on referee Howard Webb’s head for my birthday.

If you’ve never seen him in action, look at this clip that just about makes me want to DIE:Basically this weekend Real Madrid had a game against another Spanish club and the managers don’t like each other very much –the manager for Real Madrid being Jose Mourinho aka “The Special One” who is like the Karl Lagerfeld of football and a very divisive character– so there was much hissing and booing and Throwing of Things, including a balled up piece of newspaper.

Because that’s a good idea.

SURELY someone who CATCHES THINGS FOR A LIVING, and in fact does what he does better than ANYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET AS RECENTLY PROVED IN THE BIGGEST SPORTING EVENT IN THE WORLD would never, you know, CATCH THE NEWSPAPER.

GOD competence is so sexy.

SO in honor of Spain’s new jerseys and the dedicated return of the Monday Hotness I will give you the ENTIRE 2010 Spanish National Team over the next two weeks:
(more…)

October 1, 2010

Fabulous New Blog (that you probably won’t care about)

Filed under: Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 2:26 pm

So I’ve been a professional blogger for what, sixty, seventy years now? It takes a lot to excite me.

Well honestly all it takes photographs of the All Blacks in a swimming pool to excite me (sigh) or a photograph of Iker Casillas doing pretty much anything, ever, including crying –but NOT including kissing that Carbonerwhatever woman who I can’t help but notice ISN’T ME– but that’s not the point.

The point is, if there’s one thing I love more than shoes, gin and Jesus (not necessarily in that order, depending on the shoes and gin) it’s soccer, and if there’s one thing I love more than soccer, it’s a good soccer blog.

Now those of you who have been longtime readers of the blog will know that I have done the WAG thing twice in my life: once back in college with a midfielder from KV Mechelen and once recently with a seven-year veteran of Atalanta Bergamo, which means nothing to any of you so just trust me that I love soccer and I’ll just show you a picture of Freddie Ljungberg wearing half a bottle of baby oil and a profoundly stupid tattoo so you’ll keep reading:

Better, right?

Anyhoodle, while discussing this weekend’s coming matches, my sportscaster pal Joey,  knowing I am currently involved with a rather legendary Bulgarian athlete, pointed me in the direction of this bit of brilliance from My New Favorite Blog Ever: Dirty Tackle.

Witness:

Dimitar Berbatov is…The Continental.

(trust me, it’s funny even if you don’t know a thing about the second greatest sport on earth, third if you count hunting poor people)

If you just got off the boat from Mars, Berbatov is the second hottest Bulgarian–my own being the first, of course– on the planet and is currently a Hot Young Thing paying for Manchester United he’s also captain of my fantasy team, which is only slightly less important. The legendary Lothar Matthaeus –yeah alright I know you don’t know who he is, but trust me, he’s lege, also fun fact: I have the last shirt he ever wore on the field at Bayern, a gift from my ex– is the new coach for the Bulgarian national team and is trying to convince The Berba to come back to Bloc-ville (see what I did there? With the Communism and the early R.E.M. reference?) which would be like me calling up Karl Lagerfeld and asking him if he wanted to resign from Chanel and Fendi and devote himself entirely to L.L.Bean.

Wait, where was I going with this?

Um. Let’s see…gin, Jesus, hot Swedish dude with an inexplicably stupid tattoo…RIGHT! The Dirty Tackle. You should read it. You should also have a fabulous weekend, and if you’re too young to remember The Continental and thus won’t understand what Brooks Peck is talking about,  let Christopher Walken take you to school (with bonus Phil Hartman voiceover!)

July 14, 2010

Happy Birthday Howard Webb (and also me)

Filed under: Five Great...,Holidays,Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 7:52 am

So remember how on Monday I said I was ALMOST finished talking about World Cup? That’s because I wanted to wait until today to go out with a bang. See, today is English referee (and South Yorkshire police sergeant) Howard Webb‘s birthday. He called the World Cup Final between the Dutch (ptui ptui) and the Spanish.

It is also my birthday, which marks 31 glorious years of Plumcakedom and the beginning of the feast of Plumcakemas, a month-long liturgical season wherein pretty much everyone has to be nice to me and buy me drinks because those are the rules I, uh, made up in my head.

Which brings me to my Birthday List.

I am surprisingly unmercenary when it comes to birthday boums, and though I am grateful for the birthday presents I get, I don’t really yearn for them as a rule.

This year it’s different. I’ve been yearning in a big way and here is my list of requests:

1) A Watermelon Shark

2) All The Toast I Can Eat

3) “You Really Got a Hold On Me” by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles, played with lots of pedal on a big pipe organ just for me

4) Fortuny fabric wall treatments in the original “Uccelli” print (in gold and rust please, not the cream and amethyst)

5) I want to rub a pat of butter on Howard Webb’s head.

Oh c’mon pleeeeeeease? It’s not weird or anything. It’s just, uh, one grown adult rubbing a pat of butter onto another adult’s shiny shiny melon just to see what it’d be like. I promise I’d go organic. And you don’t have to LIKE it, but please? It’s my birthday too, you know. Just this once?

Aww thanks Sarge, you’re a pal.

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