In theory I am supposed to play tennis with a gentleman friend tomorrow at his club.

I say in theory, because the last time I played tennis, Reagan was president and my pressing concern of the day was whether I would in fact ever grow breasts. This in and of itself is not a problem. I don’t mind the inevitable paddling I’ll get (and I don’t mind losing the tennis match either, HEY-O!) but I am an old-fashioned girl and to me, tennis means wearing tennis whites and although I don’t know of any clubs that actually still have a dress code that strict, a girl wants to make a good impression.

I managed to scrounge around and find an acceptable outfit –white skirt, white pique polo, but I simply did not have the right shoes. My one pair of tennis shoes don’t have white soles and although there’s a lot of fussbudgeting re: whether colored soles really do mark up a tennis court (I’m pretty sure they don’t) it’s better to err on the side of caution, particularly when you’re a guest at someone else’s club.

Et voila:

The Lacoste Tourelle LP at Zappo’s. You can’t get much more old school for tennis than Lacoste, and who doesn’t love the little zippy crocodile? Well I mean aside from the inevitable flood of comments from people who have some traumatic crocodile logo-related John Hughes-style class warfare baggage, possibly involving someone named Heather (which was probably just Izod anyway, and not “real” Lacoste).

These are available in men’s sizes, so shop accordingly.

Hello my little lobsters thermidor, how’s every little thing? It’s time for your weekly humpletter, full of Plumcake-approved objets and whatnots for your glammy life.

TODAY  ONLY save 50% off your highest priced item at Jessica London using code JLE4559, if you miss today never fear. Use code JLE4994 to take a still very respectable 40% off until June 20th. Combine it with their already pretty swingin’ summer sale and you’ve got some major bargains happening.

I’m digging the following pieces in a big way:

I bemoan the fact I don’t wear blazers well because I am all. over. this striped jacket.  Originally $80, it’s yours for $25.

The bead detail along the underbust and the sari-influenced pattern and pleating of this maxi dress in airy georgette is just special enough so you can wear it out to sundry festivals and activities and project “yes, I’m at a festival, but I still have glama!”  Was $90, with coupon it’s now $35.

Sigh, these pants? These pants are summer. I think we already know my weakness for the magical flattering powers of a wide leg trouser, but mix in a linen blend AND a mouth-watering color? I’m sunk. On sale for $15 (I KNOW) down from $50.

And speaking of weaknesses, you know how I love zebra anything, and I’m really hearting this maillot with zebra action. Finally a break from the all black/hibiscus/blue bathing suits, marked down to only $25.

Over at Lane Bryant I am very intrigued indeed by their brand new sports bras which are buy one get one 50% off, plus with $15 off a $50   purchase (or $25 off $75) using code 015003030 you could take home both this racer back criss-cross microfiber bra and the (admittedly perplexing) ultimate sports bra for only $42, combined! That’s like buying one and getting the other for $4.

Over at 6pm.com they’re having a sale on Charles by Charles David that is “bigger ‘n Dallas” in the language of my people.

I like the pomegranate (possibly?) pattern on the green sandals (also? GREEN) marked 74% off to $20, and these champagne leather sandals look a GREAT DEAL like a pair of Valentinos I own and love, except my funny valentines were $700 and these are on sale for $47. Not that I’m bitter.

And finally, because it’s World Cup time, I would be remiss in including a few physical activity-related item, namely the Reebok 75cm stability ball which is currently rocking my face off with its excellent stretching and core strength exercises, and –because I don’t want to be the only journalist or blogger to not jump on this buzzy bandwagon– the vuvuzela, bane of soccer players and gift of Scrabble players everywhere. Get yours today. You neighbors will love it.

Happy Monday my little lamb shanks, how’s every little thing?

No Monday hotness this week I’m afraid.  I think we’re all still twitterpated from the All Blacks last week.

My big news is my precious beyond words brother survived yet another ghastly surgery to remove things in his body that really shouldn’t be there and I’ve spent the weekend researching teratomae –which can have EYES and TEETH and HAIR– to find out how I might appropriately and most effectively torment him about it when he’s all healed, because that’s what big sisters are for.

In other news, I joined a fly fishing club.

“But Plumcake” you say “you don’t know how to fish for flies!”

I know! But it sounds fun! I like water, and trout, and doing fiddly things that are also kind of stabby, and I might be good at it so who knows.  Plus I finally need an excuse to weave a fishing creel AND buy those Prada hip waders I’ve been loving since 2009.

(just kidding, although I did love that collection, Prada can still suck it, and those waders wouldn’t fit past my ankles)

So what about you? Anything exciting going on this week?

Dear Jerome Kaino,

We get it, you’re hot. Also you’re like, Crazy Tall, and for some reason I thought most Samoan men tended to be on the shortish side. Also also, I’m sort of disappointed you’re not covered in caramel and coconut a la the Samoas I sold in Girl Scouts:

…yet.

Anyway, I’m featuring you and some of your other New Zealand All Blacks pals for Eilish who made a special request for her birthday (which was like two weeks ago, uh, whoops).  That being said, I feel I have to tell you: Your tattoos are causing me some very Mixed Feelings.

(this is NOT what MY aquarobics class looks like)

Feeling A: I hate tribal tattoos, because Those Guys always have them, and you know how I feel about Those Guys.

Feeling B: Yet you are Samoan and the pe’a is legitimately one of your traditions so it’s not really your fault every popped-collar spray gel enthusiast from here to Timbuktu has gotten stupid tribal tattoos (confidential to Those Guys: dude, you’re a Methodist from Lubbock, if you want to get a ritually significant tattoo why not go for a portrait of a lime congeal from Luby’s?) and it probably makes you madder than it does me. Also, nipple star notwithstanding, it’s kinda hot.

Feeling C: Just because it’s ethnically legit doesn’t PRECLUDE you from being one of Those Guys, also, you have YOUR OWN NAME tattooed on your arm, which makes me think either you’re one of Those Guys, in which case I have to hate you, or you drink a lot and black out (fair enough, although maybe a business card tucked in your bra might be more discreet) OR you’re like that guy who was in Priscilla Queen of The Desert who had that memory thing and ended up shooting that guy who looked like a woodchuck. Because I’ve seen that movie and this doesn’t really end well for you.

In conclusion: You should probably come over to my house and lift heavy stuff while I watch. No need to bring pants.

Moving on to some of your other team mates:

(more hotness after the jump!)
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I’m not Irish and I’m not drinking green beer for you or for anyone, but here on Manolo for the Big Girl we are all about inclusion, so in honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, I give you the Irish Rugby National Team.

“Omg this is so unfair.  Is he really not wearing the hat? The email said we HAD to wear the hat. It’s like he doesn’t even CARE it’s Esther Williams’ birthday. He is SO not getting my evite for the Million Dollar Mermaid watch party.”

“Dear God, it’s been uh, a really long time since my last, uh, confession. I’ve probably done a lot of bad stuff I can’t remember now. I forgot to wear the hat and now I’m not going to get invited to Colin’s Million Dollar Mermaid thing. But before  I die,  I really want to see James Heaslip finish his choreography for that Beyonce song. Amen.”

“Yeah kinda like this, but you know, imagine we’re in leotards and I’ve got a sort of reticulated metal glove. No trust me, It looks fierce.”

“…And then get this, HE says ‘If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it!’  I’m like DAMN, you’ve already got that scary-ass  robot glove. What more do you want?”

“NO! I don’t even UNDERSTAND that glove.  Then what happened?”

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