Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

July 12, 2010

The Monday Adorableness: JUST THIS ONCE There is Crying in Baseball

Filed under: Sports,The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 8:00 am

Oh you guys, can we just stop for a second and give some love to World Cup champ, Spain keeper extraordinaire, Iker Casillas who might be THE most adorable thing on the planet right now? I can’t even really give him the hotness because every fiber of my being is going “awwww” and with the crying when Andres Iniesta scored that goal (and if you think I will not BAN YOU FOREVER for even THINKING it was offside, you’ve got another think coming. That was a beautiful goal.) I mean come ON. How can you not love him? I want to take him home and make him some tapas. And not in the dirty way.

In fact, he’s so adorable I’m not even going to address the ad copy which –let’s face it– need addressing and I’ve got a whole slew of responses, some of which don’t even involve Kappa Gamma jokes.

Am I right? Don’t you just want to bake him a pie?

And the Dutch? I am so disappointed in them. They played ugly, dirty ball and they should be ashamed of themselves. We all know I have Uncharitable Thoughts re: the land of clogs, but I really thought better of them than that.

My disdain for all things orange stems from a 1997/98 incident wherein a young and innocent Miss Plumcake had her virgin heart dropkicked against the treehouse wall for the first time by a young man from Den Haag which resulted in about six months of crying, a rebound relationship with a midfielder for K.V. Mechelen (who has the sad honor of being the only fella I’ve ever really Done Wrong) and a deep and glorious grudge against the Dutch, which I maintain just out of a sense of honor for my 18 year-old self.

So that’s it. That’s all (well, almost all) the World Cup you’ll have to deal with here at your big girl blog. It’s been a fun ride, let’s hit the showers.

June 28, 2010

Lazy Monday Poll: Don’t Talk About The War edition

Filed under: Lazy Poll,Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 11:42 am

Good morning my little vuvuzelas, how’s every little thing?

It was a rough, rough weekend for your pal Plummy. Of course I’m taking about the World Cup. America’s loss to Ghana was sad because you hate the see the home team go down, but I like Ghana and if anyone deserves the psychological victory that comes with bringing home the big W against the U.S., it’s Ghana. BUT.

The England match.

Oh sweet buttered Bolingbroke, the England match.

Let me paint you a little picture: your pal Plummy is not only awake, but fully vested in her England soccer jersey and coordinating Hermès scarf (a girl’s gotta have a little glamor, especially when said girl will be drinking at 8 o’clock on a Sunday morning, because the difference between addict and enthusiast is all in the accessories) and enjoying a full Irish and a velveteen –like a Black and Tan but with cider instead of Bass, also called a snakebite– with my Irish expat friend at the local Irish pub.

The joint is packed with expats and a few wrongthinking people who support Germany –because fanatical Germans waving flags has ended so well for the world, historically–and they play We Will Rock you, which I am ashamed to admit makes me want to kick some ass (see also: the bagpipes. There is something deep in the genetic recesses of my whatever that, upon hearing a live rendition of Scotland the Brave takes me from my normal delightful and mild-mannered self to DOON WI’ TH’ ACCURSED SASSENACH! in about .82 seconds flat. Fun fact, if you watch the very dark  video you can juuuust about see Miss Plumcake in the background here, talking to one of the drummers who was so cute in his kilt I forgot the name of my date, which wouldn’t have been so bad had I not known the aforementioned date for TEN YEARS prior to the incident).

The game started and then…bad things happened.

And the worst part, THE WORST PART, wasn’t that the English were ROBBED of that goal by a stupid bad call –which of course resulted in many enthusiastic chants, the favorite seeming to be “The Referee’s a Wanker” to the tune of “Nanny Nanny Boo Boo”– but the fact that after the game when I went to my ANGLICAN as in ENGLISH church, our opening hymn was “Glorious Things of Thee Are Spoken” set to the tune of Austria by Franz Josef Haydn which is also the tune for…you guessed it: Deutschland, Deutschland Uber Alles, the German National anthem.


ANYHOODLE, what’s been going on with you? Anything grand?  Buy anything sparkly? Get arrested? Meet a new loooovair?  Anything going on in the world of fattery we need to know? Put it in the comments!

June 25, 2010

Shoe Month! ARRRGHH!

Filed under: Shoes,Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 11:29 am

Hey guys, sorry I didn’t post yesterday (FALSE! I’m totally not! I haven’t skipped a weekday since Francesca left to “Bavaria” or wherever and it was AWE.SOME.) but the stress of the World Cup has just been killing me. I had a headache all day after Lando’s epic goal because my whatever levels got all wonkety, spiked and crashed.

Then there’s the post-work wrap up I have with my gentleman caller who is WAY more obsessed with soccer than I am because he played for Atalanta B.C. for seven years and gets too excited and ends up talking to me in a mixture of English, Italian, French and possibly German, and I’m pretty okay with all of those individually –except for German– but when they’re all blended together and pushed across the voicebox of an overexcited ex-soccer player? I’m screwed.

SPEAKING of screwed. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME, JEROME C. ROUSSEAU?

You KNOW how I feel about green shoes. There are on the list of Top Five Things I’ll Ever Really Love, right there between Henry Rollins’ back and Jesus.

But you ALSO know how I feel about glitter in my house. Because glitter, much like children and the herp, does not go away. I refuse –again like children and the herp– to have it in my house, sullying my white furniture and insinuating itself into my nooks and crannies.

That being said, if you’re NOT strictly anti-glitter (and maybe it’s laminated? maybe?) these are on pretty spectacular sale at Saks.

June 23, 2010

OH MY GOD

Filed under: Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 12:33 pm

The rest of the blog will be CLOSED ON ACCOUNT OF AWESOME.

and, I repeat, OH MY GOD!

June 21, 2010

Lazy Monday Poll: Treason Edition

Filed under: Lazy Poll,Sports — Miss Plumcake @ 12:30 pm

Y’all, I am not even prepared to talk about how England is doing in the World Cup. I mean, exactly how many t-shirts do I have to wear before they stop choking like, well, like something I’m not going to say but is really funny?  I was running around church last week wearing my lucky England football t-shirt –the one with the neck cut out— and I spent the whole day IN THE SERVICE OF THE LORD looking like an extra from Flashdance who happened to have an unfortunate thyroid problem and STILL you choke? What tiny frogs, England? This is your national game. Shouldn’t you, like, BE GOOD AT IT? Whatever happened to the spirit of 66? Is it like Paul McCartney where you were awesome all through the 60’s and then committed the rest of your life to making people who want to love you stab themselves in the face? I mean look at America: we win the World Series every freakin’ year. POL POT has had a better year more recently than you have. GEEZE.

<deep breath>

ANYWAY.

What’s been going on with you? Are you, like me, perhaps a touch over-invested in THE GREATEST SPORTING EVENT IN THE WORLD (with the Navy/St John’s croquet tournament coming in a close but respectable second) or do you hate freedom and happiness and are ignoring the whole thing?  I’ve mostly been watching soccer, going to the gym, and talking admirable levels of smack about both the English (choke) and the French (who have been confirming my theory that all hot French men are really 12 year old girls 2 days before their first boy/girl dance). As my pal Joey –a professional sportscaster and Important Person Who Knows Stuff– says “They put up the white flag and surrendered again. I don’t know how those other stripes even GOT there.”

June 18, 2010

Shoe Month! Lacoste/Love!

Filed under: Flats,Shoes,Sports,The Daily Kick — Miss Plumcake @ 8:50 am

In theory I am supposed to play tennis with a gentleman friend tomorrow at his club.

I say in theory, because the last time I played tennis, Reagan was president and my pressing concern of the day was whether I would in fact ever grow breasts. This in and of itself is not a problem. I don’t mind the inevitable paddling I’ll get (and I don’t mind losing the tennis match either, HEY-O!) but I am an old-fashioned girl and to me, tennis means wearing tennis whites and although I don’t know of any clubs that actually still have a dress code that strict, a girl wants to make a good impression.

I managed to scrounge around and find an acceptable outfit –white skirt, white pique polo, but I simply did not have the right shoes. My one pair of tennis shoes don’t have white soles and although there’s a lot of fussbudgeting re: whether colored soles really do mark up a tennis court (I’m pretty sure they don’t) it’s better to err on the side of caution, particularly when you’re a guest at someone else’s club.

Et voila:

Lacoste tennis shoes

The Lacoste Tourelle LP at Zappo’s. You can’t get much more old school for tennis than Lacoste, and who doesn’t love the little zippy crocodile? Well I mean aside from the inevitable flood of comments from people who have some traumatic crocodile logo-related John Hughes-style class warfare baggage, possibly involving someone named Heather (which was probably just Izod anyway, and not “real” Lacoste).

These are available in men’s sizes, so shop accordingly.

June 16, 2010

Your Weekly Humpletter: Nothing Over 50 Bucks Edition

Filed under: Cheap Thrills,Discount Codes,Lingerie,Sports,Your Weekly Humpletter — Miss Plumcake @ 11:59 am

Hello my little lobsters thermidor, how’s every little thing? It’s time for your weekly humpletter, full of Plumcake-approved objets and whatnots for your glammy life.

TODAY  ONLY save 50% off your highest priced item at Jessica London using code JLE4559, if you miss today never fear. Use code JLE4994 to take a still very respectable 40% off until June 20th. Combine it with their already pretty swingin’ summer sale and you’ve got some major bargains happening.

I’m digging the following pieces in a big way:

striped cotton blazerbeaded maxi dress

rose linen blend pantszebra suit

I bemoan the fact I don’t wear blazers well because I am all. over. this striped jacket.  Originally $80, it’s yours for $25.

The bead detail along the underbust and the sari-influenced pattern and pleating of this maxi dress in airy georgette is just special enough so you can wear it out to sundry festivals and activities and project “yes, I’m at a festival, but I still have glama!”  Was $90, with coupon it’s now $35.

Sigh, these pants? These pants are summer. I think we already know my weakness for the magical flattering powers of a wide leg trouser, but mix in a linen blend AND a mouth-watering color? I’m sunk. On sale for $15 (I KNOW) down from $50.

And speaking of weaknesses, you know how I love zebra anything, and I’m really hearting this maillot with zebra action. Finally a break from the all black/hibiscus/blue bathing suits, marked down to only $25.

Over at Lane Bryant I am very intrigued indeed by their brand new sports bras which are buy one get one 50% off, plus with $15 off a $50   purchase (or $25 off $75) using code 015003030 you could take home both this racer back criss-cross microfiber bra and the (admittedly perplexing) ultimate sports bra for only $42, combined! That’s like buying one and getting the other for $4.

criss cross sports braultimate sports bra

Over at 6pm.com they’re having a sale on Charles by Charles David that is “bigger ‘n Dallas” in the language of my people.

charles david pomegranate sandalscharles david champagne sandals

I like the pomegranate (possibly?) pattern on the green sandals (also? GREEN) marked 74% off to $20, and these champagne leather sandals look a GREAT DEAL like a pair of Valentinos I own and love, except my funny valentines were $700 and these are on sale for $47. Not that I’m bitter.

And finally, because it’s World Cup time, I would be remiss in including a few physical activity-related item, namely the Reebok 75cm stability ball which is currently rocking my face off with its excellent stretching and core strength exercises, and –because I don’t want to be the only journalist or blogger to not jump on this buzzy bandwagon– the vuvuzela, bane of soccer players and gift of Scrabble players everywhere. Get yours today. You neighbors will love it.

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