Yes, this is awful.

but yet, it’s also kind of awesome. And I kind of really want one.
and so do you.
Oh you know I’m right. I’m always right when it comes to these things.*
I might actually have to buy this just so I can descend the stairs on Christmas morning grumbling “I better get them cha cha heels”
Of course, Nice Girls Don’t Wear Cha Cha Heels, especially not these tragical Guiseppe Zanotti ones:

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Guido? You are responsible for two out of my top five personal collection faves –plus I’ll always love you for those fishbone heels you did last year (although I prefer them with the black satin covered heels)– but then you turn around and create some of the hottest messes this side of Beyonce’s weave. Oh and while we’re at it, don’t THINK I’ve forgiven you for THIS.
And then there’s Stuart Wietzman.

These? These are Russian Hooker shoes. AGAIN.
I can’t blame him that he chases the ruble now and again, all designers do it; we just don’t see it here in the Western markets (although every once in a while you’ll get a pair that was mis-shipped, like the clear stiletto leg-wrap gladiator sandals with the WHITE MINK laces at my local Last Call.)
Again, I generally like Stewies.
They’re more affordable than the super-luxury brands, often come in different widths and if they’re a bit ahem, derivative (I mean, how close does it have to be to be an actual knockoff?) then so be it, because he makes up for it by giving us the legendary red quasar stiletto, a heel in a red so sexy you have to be on birth control before you’re even allowed to try it on. Pull it together, Stuart. You’re better –or at least not usually as sparkly– as this.
Oh, and you won’t believe how much these cost. That’s a lot of borscht.
*tragic gold lamé toreador outfit notwithstanding