Live Alone and Like It: The Classic Guide for the Single Woman. Written in 1936 by a former Vogue editor. The book is short, funny, and still 100% true in its philosophy, if not in the details. A wonderful gift for the single girl!
Oh, dear, dear Plumcake.
She once said, of some Stuart Weitzman pumps I had recommended, that they would make the wearer look like a Russian prostitute.
On second thought, I secretly wondered whether she might be correct. But I did not say so because she may have gone out to celebrate my surrender with a toast, and we all know what happens when Plumcake has a “nip.”
But there! She has the stylish taste and the amusing sarcasm, so we love her and make sure to surreptitiously take away her car keys.
But! But! Back to the subject at hand: The beautiful clothes and shoes. Francesca must say: The only people, in Francesca’s opinion, who should wear “ballet” shoes are the ballet dancers. This is Francesca’s two cents; you can take it or leave it, of course.
When shopping for flats, Francesca enjoys perusing the wares of Taryn Rose.
We have hear the very nice “Vivi” sandals
and the sweet saddle-inspired “Burda”
It is true that these shoes are beyond the budget of many of our readers. Plumcake and Francesca are of the same mind that it is best to save one’s money and buy the best-quality shoe that one can possibly afford, and then to take excellent care of the shoes and get many years of use from them. Still, $400 or $200 or $130 may be but a wistful dream for many, many of the wonderful women who come here every day. And that is alright.
You are superfantastic whether you can afford expensive shoes or not.
Francesca (and Plumcake, too, deep in her wooden heart) hope that what our readers take from our little blog experience is a smile, and fashion confidence, and the few moments taken from one’s day to look at beautiful things. We know that you are doing the very best you can, with the budget you have, to make your outside look every bit as beautiful as your inside. And that is what makes you superfantastic!
Our readers will be pleased to know that a vivid portrait of Big Girl Sue Tilley, of London, has recently broken art-world records. It sold at Christie’s for over 33 million American dollars, the most ever given at an auction for a work by a living painter. Lucian Freud created 4 portraits of Tilley in the mid-1990’s. This one, the record-breaker, is called “Benefits Supervisor Sleeping”:
What Francesca likes best about this story is Tilley’s superfantastic fattitude:
The portrait’s sitter, Sue Tilley - now promoted from benefits supervisor to manager of a Jobcentre Plus in central London - is delighted. “My life’s changed overnight,” she says. “I’m beside myself, but then lovely things are always happening to me. Still, I’m not surprised - in a way, I always thought this might happen. I love that painting.”
::snip::
“The first painting he ever did of me [Evening in the Studio, 1993] was finished while there was a big show of his paintings on at the Whitechapel gallery,” she says. “So they put it up for the last week of the exhibition. I went in there one day and there was a man giving a talk in front of the picture, saying, look at this revolting woman, she’s so fat and disgusting, there’s obviously something wrong with her skin. I just started laughing. The man stopped and asked if there was anything wrong. I said: ‘That’s me you’re talking about,’ and he just looked like he wanted to die. After that I didn’t really mind what people said.
“I’m not the ‘ideal woman’, I know I’m not. But who is? And he never made the skinny ones look any better. He picks out every single little detail.”
Francesca also enjoys this “that will show them, those ridiculous debt-collectors!” tidbit:
Freud gave her one of the portraits, a print. When bailiffs visited Ms Tilley some years ago, demanding items to the value of £700, they were more interested in her electric kettle and household objects than her Freud. When, in desperation, she offered to part with the print, telling them that it would more than cover the money she owed, they laughed at her. In 2005 it was sold by Bloomsbury Auctions in London for more than £26,000
So, remember ladies, the fleshier you are, the more your image could be worth millions.
Our internet friend Shannon turned our attention to a delightful fashion-related article in an online publication called “The Smart Set.” Writer Jessa Crispin reviews various books about fashion . . . .
Instead of alleviating our body fears, however, so many books advising what to wear do nothing but exaggerate them. The entire structure of Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine’s book What Not to Wear is built to help you define your particular version of body dysmorphic disorder. Do you think you have short legs? A big butt? Big arms? There’s a chapter telling you how to dress around each perceived flaw. It’s hard to walk out the door feeling hot and feisty when your entire dressing process has been focused on your main source of anxiety. If I tried to dress to hide all the parts of my body I have ever been self-conscious about, the only thing left to wear would be a hazmat suit.
. . . . and ultimately recommends The Meaning of Sunglasses: And a Guide to Almost All Things Fashionable by Hadley Freeman.
If more fashion writing was done in the tone of smartypants Freeman, we could avoid the fear that caring about our appearance makes us a vain fool or a victim. A work colleague recently took one look at the four-inch peep toe heels I was wearing and snarled, “Don’t you know why men invented high heels?” I doubted anything I said would deflect what was coming next, so I just shrugged. “So you can’t run away when they want to rape you.” I understand. I used to be a humorless feminist, too, complete with shaved head and my father’s combat boots. Then I discovered Charles David heels and got over it. If only The Meaning of Sunglasses had existed sooner, I could have spent less time being a self-righteous twit.
Francesca says: It is possible to be intellectual and feminist and fashion-conscious!
Excellent discussion at Shapely Prose going on, about what to wear to a job interview when one has a poochie-tummy such that one looks several months pregnant.
Francesca does not look pregnant, she just looks fat, but as an Apple-shape she appreciates that sometimes even the Spanx will not do it.
For those for whom Spanx is enough, or at least helpful, here is Francesca’s post with information about where to buy Spanx for the interview for the Good Job.
But anyway, as Francesca says, sometimes one must Give It Up and understand that no matter how strong the “slimming undergarments” are, we are not truly succeeding in hiding our love handles and the poochie tummy. They are there. We know they are there, and so does everyone else. There is no point in kidding anyone, because we cannot. And why should we? The love handles are called love handles for a reason. Being soft and squishie is very, very sexy.
There is only one thing to do: Stand up straight, be confident in one’s beauty and specialness, and –if being not pregnant is important to you — take up an extreme sport so that you can say, in all truthfulness, “on Saturdays I go bungee jumping, and on Sundays I parachute.”
Of course, you could lie and say those things even if in actuality you spend your weekends at the sci-fi/fantasy conventions (and who wouldn’t rather do that?), but then you run the risk of your potential boss saying “really? I’m a parachuter also . . . but I never see you at the club.” That would be bad.
Francesca says: Do your best to look the way you would like to look for your job interview, and leave the rest to the goodness of the cosmos.
Do you remember those wonderful “Fat Rant” videos by actress extraordinaire Joy Nash?
Well, if you are not reading her blog, you are missing out on something wonderful! Our friend Joy has partnered (so to speak) with the Michael Mullen to create a superfantastic series of sketch shows called “Fruit and Fly.” Guess who is the Fruit and who is the Fly?
Here is Francesca’s favorite episode. Put away the coffee before watching.
Happy watching!
xoxo
Manolo for the Big Girl has an extremely intelligent and well-read readership!
In the next few weeks, Francesca will highlight comments from various readers in which they tell us about their favorite books. Francesca has not yet read these books, but plans to! Thanks to all who tell us about their favorite reads so we can all feed our minds and souls as well as our voluptuous bodies!
Leah wrote:
Speaking of books that change your body image, my two cents is to recommend Eve Ensler’s The Good Body, which is not specifically for big girls but does a beautiful job of putting body insecurity and the market frenzy that feeds on it in perspective. At the end of a book that is alternately poignant, hilarious, and shocking, I found I was able to see myself in a much more appreciative light. I’ve shared it with most of the women in my life and now, I suppose, I am sharing it with you! It’s a quick, easy read that you will find hard not to pass around to women you love, no matter what their shape.
In response to Francesca’s recommendation of Guy Gavriel Kay’s fantasy novel Tigana, Icy wrote:
Try The Lions of al-Rassan if you’re looking for another fabulous read, and the Sailing to Sarantium two book series.
And regarding the idea that some books improve with age (that is, our age), class factotum says:
Great Expectations changed from a boring chore in 9th grade to a “I can’t wait to see what happens next” my sophomore year of college.
Oh, yes, Great Expectations! Francesca loves! (now, but not in 8th grade)
For the funny bone, Das Boots says:
To share the love of David Sedaris, I very highly recommend Barrel Fever and Other Stories. Mr. Boots and I made the mistake of getting the book on tape for a road trip, and had to pull off the road several times until we could stop crying. It’s seriously that funny.
Readers also recommended other books by Sedaris: Me Talk Pretty One Day(a favorite of Francesca’s, too!), Naked, and Holidays on Ice. Here is a Box Set of audio cassettes of four of his books!
(At a reader’s suggestion, Francesca bought Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and loved it. She warns that Sedaris is best enjoyed like rich chocolate, in bits and pieces; don’t read it straight through.)
More to come next week. Happy reading!
If you are fat and single this Valentine’s day, get thee right now to Shapely Prose to read this post and all the comments.
Francesca hath spoken.
Five minutes and 58 seconds into her amazing first Fat Rant video, Joy Nash points out that sometimes, we blame things on our fat that are really not about our fat, but about others of our flaws (we all have them), or about factors that have nothing to do with us at all.
And, when we finally admit that not everything revolves around our fat, it can be quite liberating. Paradoxically, admitting that we’re flawed and make mistakes and turn people off for reasons like, say, our bitchiness, is actually quite freeing and empowering . . . more empowering than blaming everything on being fat, just to avoid the pain of examining what else might be “wrong” with ourselves.
Here is Manheim’s take on this idea, from her book “Wake Up, I’m Fat!” (a.k.a. The Best Fat Girl Book Ever):
What if I stopped blaming [my anthropomorphized fat] for everything? What if I stopped using him as an excuse? What if I stopped hiding behind him and entered into a covenant with myself that if I failed as an actor or a lover, it was my fault, my responsibility? It wouldn’t be easy. I would have so much more at stake, which meant I was going to have to work harder, prepare more thoroughly, and redouble my commitment to my art. From that point forward I wouldn’t let myself off the hook so easily with a simple “They didn’t choose me because I’m fat.” No, if they didn’t choose me, it was because I didn’t wow them. I stopped relying on my ever-present alibi and put all my energies into wowing them. These were my first baby steps on the journey of self-acceptance. And a funny thing happened on the way to the self-love forum: I learned that confidence, courage, and a little bit of sass can be very seductive.
Francesca has mixed feelings about this idea.
On the one hand, it ignores the fact that there are many, many people who — consciously or subconsciously — do indeed deny jobs or service or love to fat people, no matter how confident, talented, and giving the fat person may be.
On the other hand, there’s no denying that confidence, talent, and generosity of spirit go a long way, and that sometimes, the reasons people deny us what we want are not about our fat. They are about something else entirely, like our messiness or lateness or our having blonde hair when the guy likes brunettes.
Or they are about the frown we put on, the negative vibes we emit, when we worry and fret about how much our fat might stand in our way, instead of focusing with a smile on our gifts.
