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Shoe Month! The Ones That Got Away

Okay, so PERHAPS I got a little worked up about yesterday’s shoe and the snake-related family trauma it evoked (although how cute was it that my little brother made a guest appearance in defense of the snakes?). It’s time for a palate cleanser, taking the best of Monday’s disco inferno and combining it with the old school elegance of exotic skins.

siiiiiiigh

These? These are the Ones That Got Away.

I mean, this is pretty much everything I love in a shoe for me me me. Solid heel, crocodile –technically it’s calf, but it’s a really good treatment– a platform, a heel cup, ankle strap, pretty pretty jewelry and emeralds! (almost!)

I would buy them just for the ornament.

I know I make fun of Giuseppe Zanotti for making some really bad shoes, but these are right up my alley, in my wheelhouse and singing me lullabies.

they’re not inexpensive, but I’d sell a kidney (well, not my OWN kidney, but how much can a roofie and sixteen bags of ice cost, anyway?) to even have the chance to buy them at retail, much less at 43%  off.

Shoe Month! Why Plumcake’s Dad Didn’t Get That Bottle of Scotch for Father’s Day

Oh I’m so mad. I…I…GRRRRR.

We all know how I love snakeskin shoes because they wear forever and stand up to a lot of abuse and also snakes are all bastards who must die, not that I am at all scarred from that time my dad took me over to his bff’s house as a kid, and that bff also happened to be the head herpetologist guy or something for the National Zoo and had snakes all over the place INCLUDING A FREAKIN’ COBRA because sane people totally keep FREAKIN’ COBRAS in their HOUSE and think nothing of lifting up a little girl to eye level and taptaptapping the glass trying to get the aforementioned FREAKIN’ COBRA to display its hood BUT THEN INSTEAD IT STRIKES THE GLASS 2 INCHES FROM MY FACE, DAD.

<deep breath>

And that, dear readers, is why my father needs to count his lucky stars that his Korean child bride and NOT his permanently traumatized daughter, will be choosing his eventual nursing home.

Where was I?

Right, shoes.

A few months ago I bought these Brian Atwoods, even though they’re totally not “me” I tried them on and they look a.maz.ing. on the leg. Seriously.

and now, NOW they have these:

and these are BETTER, and they’re snake! AND they’re like…a THIRD of what my Atwoods retailed for at almost 60% off regular retail.

Plus they’re from Elie Tahari so I’m glad to toss them a little extra cash in appreciation for finally FINALLY offering a plus size line last year.

Shoe Month! Disco Inferno

I have been staring at my computer for fifteen minutes now trying to explain how much I love these shoes without using the words “Bianca Jagger” “coke spoon” “Studio 54” “Liza’s spider lashes” or “Grace Jones/Halston cat fight” and I just can’t.

Although I’ve always been more of a Lou Reed than a David Bowie and I don’t put anything stronger than caffeine in my body (and that comes in the form of precisely one cup of tea between 2:30 and 3:00 p.m. Monday through Friday), I’ve always loved the wretched excess of New York’s glam rock/disco days.

The “Cabaret” from Due Farina rings my beee-eee-eeell in a major way, especially because they have a solid heel (THANK YOU), a wider toe box and a good bit of elastic at the ankle strap. Also? Almost 70% off!!

I’m going to be featuring shoes from the incredible Bluefly sale going on all this week, so be warned: sizing is going to be limited. Get while the getting’s good.

Shoe Month! Lacoste/Love!

In theory I am supposed to play tennis with a gentleman friend tomorrow at his club.

I say in theory, because the last time I played tennis, Reagan was president and my pressing concern of the day was whether I would in fact ever grow breasts. This in and of itself is not a problem. I don’t mind the inevitable paddling I’ll get (and I don’t mind losing the tennis match either, HEY-O!) but I am an old-fashioned girl and to me, tennis means wearing tennis whites and although I don’t know of any clubs that actually still have a dress code that strict, a girl wants to make a good impression.

I managed to scrounge around and find an acceptable outfit –white skirt, white pique polo, but I simply did not have the right shoes. My one pair of tennis shoes don’t have white soles and although there’s a lot of fussbudgeting re: whether colored soles really do mark up a tennis court (I’m pretty sure they don’t) it’s better to err on the side of caution, particularly when you’re a guest at someone else’s club.

Et voila:

Lacoste tennis shoes

The Lacoste Tourelle LP at Zappo’s. You can’t get much more old school for tennis than Lacoste, and who doesn’t love the little zippy crocodile? Well I mean aside from the inevitable flood of comments from people who have some traumatic crocodile logo-related John Hughes-style class warfare baggage, possibly involving someone named Heather (which was probably just Izod anyway, and not “real” Lacoste).

These are available in men’s sizes, so shop accordingly.

Shoe Month! Plumcake’s Favorites

So okay, I might be having a major fabric shoe moment. I don’t know why but I am.

I generally don’t buy much in the way of fabric shoes because I have a hard time spending what I normally spend on shoes on something as delicate as silk and I still will not, unless for very good reason, break the $300 barrier on fabric shoes.

That being said:

Giorgio Armani satin belt sandals

*siiiiiigh*

I want them ALL: the black, the navy AND the pretty pretty ballet pink.

Giorgio Armani makes excellent shoes for the woman who appreciates a solid heel.  Plus the ankle ties with a buckle belt, so no worries about not having enough strap.

They’re on pretty decent sale at YOOX and are just that pretty, delicate but not perilous (the heel is high, but there’s a 1.5″ platform wedge) lovely shoe that makes you think of perfume and powder and all the joys –expensive though they might be– of being a girly girl, even if it’s just once a year.

Shoe Month! Bridal slippers

Show of hands, anyone here surprised that I hate bridal flip flops?

Anyone?

Good. I’d hate to think any of my beloved readers have recently suffered a head injury so traumatic that would result in confusing me with someone who would ever approve of the chlamydia of casual footwear.

I don’t like or trust flip flops in the best of situations and I certainly don’t care for them as bridal wear. However I do understand a bride’s desire to have some comfortable footwear on the day she  screws me out of half a Kitchenaid mixer commits herself to wedded bliss.

slippers

What I don’t understand is why they would go for something so vulgar when for not much more in the way of pocket change when we’re talking wedding money ($79), they could have a darling little lyrical slipper like this, from ASH.

Because really, how sweet is that? It comes in several additional colors –a slate gray, pine, and black– but these are just so winsome without being twee.

Plus you won’t look back in 20 years and cringe at the sight of your white foam rubber platform flippies, and that is worth any price.

Shoe Month! Baby Blue

One of my all time favorite films is Baby Doll, starring Carroll Baker in the title roll with Karl Malden as her husband in an as-yet-unconsummated marriage and Eli Wallach as Silva, the Sicilian manager of the cotton mill that –having put most of the cotton millers out of work– has recently burned to the ground.  It’s brilliant stew of Southern Gothic swamp and sex like only Tennessee Williams could write and only Elia Kazan could direct.  It also has what I believe is the sexiest scene of all of film history (it was so scandalous that it was denounced by a cardinal in Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, thus guaranteeing a hit).

During a particularly tense part of the film, Silva (Eli Wallach) who may or may not have just enjoyed Baby Doll’s favors sits at the table with Baby Doll and her boorish husband, looks at her and says:

“That’s a beautiful ribbon you’re wearing Mrs Meighan. What particular shade of blue would you say that lovely ribbon is?”

“Oh, just baby blue.”

baby blue espadrilles

Granted, these ribbon-laced satin espadrilles (under $70 at YOOX and also available in lavender) are supposedly turquoise, not a baby blue, but they’re lovely all the same. I always like an unexpected treatment of an old classic, such as the satin pointe shoe treatment on a usually rugged espadrille.

I’m not familiar with Andrea Bernes‘ designs, but if these are anything to go by –sweet but not cutesy, innocent but not naive– I’m going to be a big fan.

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