Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

January 10, 2011

Who Missed Me?

Filed under: Fashion,Sports,The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 8:41 am

Hello my little Monchichis! It has been too long! Although I had a big time on my little Come Undone –until you have watched Casablanca while being massaged with sweet almond oil massage by a hot not-precisely-clothed soccer player FROM Casablanca, you have not seen Casablanca the way it ought to be seen, and that was just my Friday– I have, of course, been nothing without you and I am sure from the hundreds upon thousands of tear-stained note cards delivered to stately Château Gâteau (by which I mean like six emails, but I know you MEANT to write hundreds upon thousands of tear-stained notes) that you have been absolutely nothing without me.

So let’s start this New Year right (if a little late) with Hot boys and shoes.

In the theme of smokin’ hot North African footballers, I give you Zinedine Zidane (who is actually from Marseilles, but his parents are Algerian) and Luis Figo who, while not from North Africa –he’s Portuguese– IS smokin’ hot, and that my friend is the international language of Plumcake. I like to imagine they’re reenacting the “hill of beans” speech from Casablanca, with Zidane playing the part of a young and tearful Ingrid Bergman.

Also pretty on the outside: D&G leopard print t-straps. I’ve always said “If you’re gonna do leopard, it had better be Dolce.” This is why.
D&G leopard t-straps (on big sale!)

and finally, perhaps most importantly, it’s time we take a moment from our busy schedules, pause and remember that no matter how hard our lives or how painful our toils, there’s always (siiiiiigh) Xabi.

November 15, 2010

The Monday Hotness: La Furia Roja Edition (part 1)

Filed under: Sports,The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 3:37 pm

If you know anything about your pal Plummy you know I love three things: Fashion, football and shirtless men I don’t have to talk to.*

Lucky for me, these three worthy pursuits have come together to form the sort of tripartite hotness spectacular that usually can be created only in laboratory conditions using highly theoretical mathematics, super computers and flecks of Jose Mourinho’s man-tan.

That’s right, I’m talking about the Spanish National Team’s new kit, which debuts today and was preceded by what I feel comfortable in calling the single greatest contribution to the visual arts since Michelangelo decided that popcorn finish looked a bit slapdash.

Hat tip to the gentlemen and scholars of The Beautiful Gear.

For those of you who just got off the boat from Mars, Spain won the World Cup back in July against the Filthy Filthy Dutch. You may recall Spain Captain Iker Casillas as star of the previous Monday Hotness and the one off Monday Adorableness some months back (for those of you who don’t know why I hate the Filthy Filthy Dutch or how I dated my first professional footballer this is essential reading) or how I wanted to rub a pat of butter on referee Howard Webb’s head for my birthday.

If you’ve never seen him in action, look at this clip that just about makes me want to DIE:Basically this weekend Real Madrid had a game against another Spanish club and the managers don’t like each other very much –the manager for Real Madrid being Jose Mourinho aka “The Special One” who is like the Karl Lagerfeld of football and a very divisive character– so there was much hissing and booing and Throwing of Things, including a balled up piece of newspaper.

Because that’s a good idea.


GOD competence is so sexy.

SO in honor of Spain’s new jerseys and the dedicated return of the Monday Hotness I will give you the ENTIRE 2010 Spanish National Team over the next two weeks:

October 4, 2010

The Monday Hotness: Jude Law

Filed under: Books,Movies,The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 9:11 am

It’s been a while since we’ve had a good old-fashioned Monday Hotness and I thought I’d go for a pretty boy this time.

When Jude Law first came to my attention, he was the gorgeous golden cad in The Talented Mr Ripley, I remember going “WHO is THAT?”  People like that don’t exist outside Evelyn Waugh novels. Historically I’ve never been a sucker for a pretty face, but this is a PRETTY FACE. Also? He’s secretly in love with me. True story. *

“Gwynnie lamb, I don’t want to be a pest but I think you’re stabbing me with your elbow. I said you’re a very nice girl, but I can’t be with a woman who thinks eating lawn is a good idea. Lawn is not food. Lawn is what food eats. I need a real woman. A woman with several deviled egg plates and more than one type of bacon in her refrigerator at any given time.”

“Oh Miss Plumcake,  come to me. I need the sweet healing love of a fat Episcopalian girl who might be the only natural born American who can brew a decent cup of tea. We will lie in bed listening to the Crab Canon and playing chess while I  nibble your ankle.”

“What my darling? No Bach? Even though the calendar very clearly indicates Bachtober started several days ago? Suit yourself, but I shall grab my lip and be abashed. Shall I take off my pants?”

“I know my sweet, I too am sometimes perplexed as to how my lips can be so perfect. I see you are confused. Perhaps you would like to caress my chin dimple and discuss whether I might possibly be wearing too much blusher.”

“Do you admire my shirt studs? Stephen Fry put them on with his teeth. He said that was the traditional way. Was he mistaken? Never mind. Don’t you think this inexplicably salmon waistcoat would look better crumpled elegantly on your bedroom floor, or perhaps the local public tennis courts after posted hours? So do I, darling. Let us off.”

*In my head

July 26, 2010

Monday Hotness: YOUR MAN Reminder!

Filed under: The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 10:19 am

Hey gang, I’ve received startlingly few submissions for the DIY Monday Hotness which starts NEXT WEEK. I got a whole MESS of ’em last year so I know you’ve got the hotness out there. Spread it around!

Remember the rules:

He must be over 18
The image must be at least 450 pixels wide
He needs to be the only person in the photo
He must agree to having his picture up here
He must have his Martha and BOTH the Vandellas covered up.

We take the broad view of hotness, so any size, shape, color, age or orientation is aces. If you think he brings the hotness, we want to see.

And, as usual, Miss Plumcake will be showcasing some of her favorite personal hotnesses. Stay tuned!

July 12, 2010

The Monday Adorableness: JUST THIS ONCE There is Crying in Baseball

Filed under: Sports,The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 8:00 am

Oh you guys, can we just stop for a second and give some love to World Cup champ, Spain keeper extraordinaire, Iker Casillas who might be THE most adorable thing on the planet right now? I can’t even really give him the hotness because every fiber of my being is going “awwww” and with the crying when Andres Iniesta scored that goal (and if you think I will not BAN YOU FOREVER for even THINKING it was offside, you’ve got another think coming. That was a beautiful goal.) I mean come ON. How can you not love him? I want to take him home and make him some tapas. And not in the dirty way.

In fact, he’s so adorable I’m not even going to address the ad copy which –let’s face it– need addressing and I’ve got a whole slew of responses, some of which don’t even involve Kappa Gamma jokes.

Am I right? Don’t you just want to bake him a pie?

And the Dutch? I am so disappointed in them. They played ugly, dirty ball and they should be ashamed of themselves. We all know I have Uncharitable Thoughts re: the land of clogs, but I really thought better of them than that.

My disdain for all things orange stems from a 1997/98 incident wherein a young and innocent Miss Plumcake had her virgin heart dropkicked against the treehouse wall for the first time by a young man from Den Haag which resulted in about six months of crying, a rebound relationship with a midfielder for K.V. Mechelen (who has the sad honor of being the only fella I’ve ever really Done Wrong) and a deep and glorious grudge against the Dutch, which I maintain just out of a sense of honor for my 18 year-old self.

So that’s it. That’s all (well, almost all) the World Cup you’ll have to deal with here at your big girl blog. It’s been a fun ride, let’s hit the showers.

July 5, 2010

Monday Hotness: Lady Liberty Edition

Filed under: Holidays,The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 5:01 am

I’m taking the day off my little spiked watermelons, so please to enjoy Miss Wladziu Valentino Liberace courtesy of my internet neighbor, Château Thombeau.

July 2, 2010

Woo Hoo it’s ADMIN TIME!

Filed under: Tech Stuff,The Monday Hotness — Miss Plumcake @ 5:37 pm

Hey gang!

I’m setting off on a long weekend of Not Being Here and Ignoring You, but before I do let’s have an ADMIN PARTY! WHOOOO!!!

Email Woes:

My email? Kaput. Which means if you’ve sent me anything in the past month or so, it’s gonesville, which INCLUDES you wonderful Stevie The Blind Flood Puppy people, many of whom still need thank-you notes from me. So if you supported our beloved mascot and have not yet received a card (I’m getting out one or two a week, so it’s slow going) go ahead and resend your address with Stevie in the subject line.

Your Guy Monday Hotness:

It’s that time again! Last August we had a whole scorching month of homegrown hotness and I’m putting out the call early this year so I can have more time to wade through the deliciousness. The rules of submission are the following:

He must be 18 or older Mama loves a man in uniform, but not when they’ve got a warrant.

All photos must be clothed. Shirtless is fine but I don’t want or need to see any nooks and crannies, thankyouverymuch.

You must have permission to use his photo. I don’t want some angry hot dude chasing me. Well, I do, but not because he’s angry his photo’s on this site.

All photos must be at least 450 pixels wide but don’t send me enormous uncompressed TIFFs. I don’t care how hot he is, I don’t want to see the texture of his nosehair.

You must tell me in fewer than 120 words why he should be a Monday Hotness. Byron’s 173rd Sonnet only used 119, and we still remember how she walks in beauty like the night.

Other than that, have at it. We take the broad view of hotness, so submit your brother, your grandfather’s old Navy photo, your two gay besties. Anything goes!

Reader Questions:

I try, really I do, to answer most of the reader email I get. But I’m only one gal, and most isn’t all. If you’ve got a quick question it is almost always better to ask me in the comments on Mondays than it is to email me. If it’s something more complex, like a specific outfit recommendation then feel free to email me. I can’t promise an answer (not to put too fine a point on it, but I actually CHARGE for that service, so, uh I’m not super anxious to do pro bono work)

Reader Comments:

I don’t know WHAT is up with the comments recently, if it’s our spam filter going all doolally or what, but good comments are getting eaten. I do my best to rescue the ones I can, but some slip through the cracks. So, uh, sorry about that. What I’m NOT sorry about is deleting comments I deem “not good for the blog.” I let almost everything slide, so when I do delete something that’s the final decision, no room for appeal, which means don’t email me asking why I deleted your comment. Odds are it just got eaten anyway.

« Newer PostsOlder Posts »

Powered by WordPress