Internet Friend of MftBG (and Real Life Friend of Plumcake) Style Spy just wrote a line I wish I’d penned, as it sums up my opinion on a fashion issue very near and dear to where my heart would be if I hadn’t traded it in for this shiny black thing and an Hermès scarf.
Hear ye, hear ye! If ye can legally rent ye olde automobile, ye are too old for princess clothes!!
Be Careful.
Okay, that’s two words, but I mean it. It is hard, if not downright impossible, to do animal print on a budget without it looking campy (at best) and French-tipped New Jersey velour-sweatsuit enthusiast at worst. Now I love camp like John Waters loves eyeliner mustaches, but there is a time and a place for camp. That place is Paramus.
A black shirtdress from Ross can look like you bought it Bergdorf’s but –and sad to say, I must relate this from experience– a low-budget animal print will always look cheap. Cheap? Cheap. Always? *sigh* Always.
Expensive animal print can look cheap too (sadly this is another lesson I had to learn in person via a $700 pair of zebra-print calf hair pumps I bought on clearance that still have never seen daylight) so please, be vigilant. Your best bets are scarves and shoes.
Hi-ho, everybody!
It’s time once again to play Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness! You all know how this works. I post a picture that’s just crying out for a caption or seventeen. You provide said captions by leaving them in the comments section. Next saturday, I declare a winner, and we all repair to the celebratory dance…er…congratulate that winner.
So, are you ready? Good! Then we’ll begin.
Ready…set…snark!
DAMN Twistie! I’ve worked in the publishing industry for most of my adult life so I know how things are but this is LOW. I’m meandering through the comments deleting the spam ones that got through –y’all don’t even KNOW how many spam comments we get a day, close to a thousand– and I’m ASSAULTED WITH CRUSHED VELVET AND BELL SLEEVES from our very own previously-beloved Twistie, who I now must assume is angling for my job and/or trying to make murder on me.
Vis:
As for some sources Cat might find useful, I’ve got a couple to point her at, having a touch of Gothlove myself.
Persephone Plus carries a small but fabulous line of goth-inspired dresses for the larger lady. Several of them are fairly stripped down and minimalist versions of goth, too. Oh, and check out the link to her Etsy store for some super steampunky jewelry. (There’s no jewelry currently for sale as she seems to have gone underground -get it, get it?- for a few days –ed.)
If she’s an in-betweenie, Cat may also find some things she can fit into at Gypsy Moon. The styles run from Stevie Nicks to nuevo piratica – a term I just made up, because of the fun! – to renfairy. Yes, there are some ruffles, but there are also some pieces based on menswear of half a dozen eras. Even if you don’t find something to wear, you can definitely find some inspiration for what you’re looking for. (credit where it is due; they know the difference between a pantaloon and a pantalette, so well played there. –ed.)
Good Goth Has a variety of looks for a variety of figures. In fact, I think I just fell in love with the Mood Indigo jacket on the Plus Size page. Considering that it’s only $29.95, I may give in to temptation, too. (worth checking out if only for their howling copy. –ed)
Oh my GOD y’all, do you EVEN know how hard that was for me? With the not snarking and the wiping spit off my monitor from the laughing of the earnestness? SO. HARD. I give and give to you people.
And it’s not like I don’t have some serious sympathy for the devilgirls.
Hell, I’m going to her wedding on Sunday:
(Miss Ruby Lamb as the model for Dr Sketchy’s at Beerland, Texas; one of the last great rock n’ roll clubs in America)
Here’s my counsel about goth or goth-adjacent. Lighten up, emo kid. Because if you’re just REALLY EARNEST about looking like a belle epoque street urchin it’s not going to work and you’re just going to look like someone with an unnatural fascination with Baz Luhrmann, and that doesn’t look good on ANYBODY.
It just occurs to me, thinking of Baz Lurhmann that I graduated from high school 12 years ago today so here is mister Lurhmann’s famous “Everybody’s Free (Wear Sunscreen)” which comes from a 1997 article by columnist Chicago Tribune Mary Schmich.
Francesca spent the weekend visiting some dear friends who have young children and no television set. The children do things like read and color and play with dolls and board games. Imagine!
Anyhow, they had a board game which Francesca now plans to buy for her dear nieces and nephews. It looks like a regular answer-the-questions-correctly-to-work-your-way-around-the-board trivia game, but with an ingenious twist: THERE ARE DIFFERENT QUESTIONS FOR DIFFERENT AGES OF KIDS, so that everyone gets questions on his or her own level. No more of this “it’s not fair that she always wins because she’s older” stuff. There are questions for first graders, second graders, third graders, etc through sixth grade.
So, dear Big Girls, if you have childrens in your life who complain of being bored, get them this board! (ha, Francesca puns! Badly, though. Sorry.). It is available from Amazon here. There are DVD versions available for grades grades 1-3 or 3-5. Extra question cards about America, for ages 9 and up, are also available, as is a special version for the car.
Francesca says: Have fun!
Oh MAN I had a long post written up about our internet friend Cat’s query, but the Manolosphere just ate it. AFTER I WORKED ON IT FOR TWO HOURS NOT THAT I’M BITTER.
SO I guess I’ll rewrite it tomorrow and to make up for it, offer you this bit of brill.
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in yonks. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s legend.
Our fellow blogger Marianne Kirby has written an excellent refresher course on travel tips for the Big Girl. Be sure to read the comments.
FYI, you can easily purchase your own seatbelt extender on Amazon, here or here, to ensure you will always have one even if the airline does not.
