Greetings and salutations my plus-size pals. How is every little thing?
I’m okay. I made the mistake of watching the Real Madrid vs Apoel match which featured an Apoel player slamming his face into his teammate’s shoulder so hard his teeth came flying out of his head like calcified confetti.
I have Serious Teeth Issues and cannot handle any sort of destructive dental doin’s, so naturally I spent the next 20 hours curled in the fetal position watching Fantasia and drinking Thorazine milkshakes with a very-nearly-lifesize stuffed tiger.
You know, like a normal person.
It was in that delicate state I judged the winners of last week’s Whisky Tango Foxtrot competition, wherein I asked you fine folks to give me a situation appropriate for the donning of these doozies:
As usual, there are several awards to bestow before the grand prize.
By popular demand, long-time commenter TeleriB wins the sparkly Circlet of Cthulhu, made with real imitation Swarovski crystals and glitter-encrusted tentacles suitable for all your nerdgirl needs for her comment:
“A gallery opening in R’lyeh.”
With honorable mention going to Andrea for:
“I think they just might add a touch of whimsy that your silver minidress needs when you are running from the Carousel with Michael York.”
Even though that confused me because when I think minidress + Michael York, I think Liza and Cabaret so I was all “was there a carousel scene in Cabaret? I don’t think there was a carousel scene in Cabaret…wait, was there a carousel scene in Cabaret?”
Took me a while to get the Logan’s Run reference.
Sidenote: The Hunger Games = Logan’s Run with less in the way of futuristic chiffon caftans, right? Just checking.
First commenter Melissa has earned her induction into the Crystal Order of the Chubby Conch for setting the literary standards high with
“I’m pretty sure the only acceptable situation for these shoes is if I’m stuck on the island in Lord of the Flies and they’ve given up on Piggy and are coming after me, and I need to stab some little pre-pubescent punks with a stiletto.”
But it is latecomer Jenny who wins this week’s contest (plus a lifetime supply of stain remover) for her variation on the witches’ prophecy for the doomed thane in Act 4, scene 1 of Macbeth:
“When Birnam Wood hath come to Dunsinane. And invites you to tea with the Macbeths, and the Kardashians.”
Fun fact: Your pal Plumcake is pretty well directly descended from Gruoch MacDuff, Queen of Alba, more popularly known as Lady Macbeth. That goes a long way to explain the general likeability of the women in my family and also spells a guaranteed win for anyone who brings up The Scottish Play.
Congratulations Jenny and everyone who played. Join us next time for more adventures in Whisky Tango Foxtrot!