Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

September 10, 2008

The Big Question: Burn Those Photos Edition

Filed under: The Big Question — Miss Plumcake @ 2:04 pm

I think I’ve mentioned before that I was not always the fabulously appointed style maven you have all come to know and well, if not love, then tolerate and occasionally pity.

First there was the 80’s, or as I like to call them the “Acid Washed Puff Paint Over-Sized Sweatshirt and Scrunchie Years” also? There were stirrup pants.

THEN came the 90’s. I divide these between the pre-Nirvana “Someday Axl Rose and I WILL Be Together and I’ll Wear That Wedding Dress With The Front Cut Out And I Won’t Invite YOU, Grandma, Since You Tried To Throw Out My Favorite Guns N Roses T Shirt Because You Thought It Wasn’t Ladylike to Wear a Picture of a Human Heart With A Knife Through It EVEN THOUGH IT WAS SURROUNDED BY ROSE PETALS AND WHAT’S MORE LADYLIKE THAN THAT???” years and the grunge years, which saw my grandfather mysteriously lose about 85% of his flannel shirts.

I know I’m not alone. I KNOW you all have made horrible, eye-searingly bad fashion choices and for today’s big question I want to know the dirty, filthy, scrunch-sock and velvet top hat details.

Today Miss Plumcake Wants to Know:

What is your all-time WORST fashion mistake? Can it POSSIBLY beat my black stretch satin and gold lamé toreador outfit, complete with matching hat AND bugle-beaded capris?

August 18, 2008

I’m Not With THIS Band

Filed under: Honey. No.,Plumcake's Closet,PRADA!,Sales,Shoes — Miss Plumcake @ 5:37 pm

Why is there so much bad taste in the world? More importantly, why does it all seem to parade past me on cheap all-synthetic heels? The delightful Style Spy and I were out at Chez Nous –a lovely little jewel of a French bistro– the other night to celebrate her anniversaire. She was in Fendi and Miu Miu. I was in a bespoke black dress with the glammiest vintage Balenciaga chandelier earrings in the world (or at least my jewelry box which to my mind is more or less the same thing) and the peep-toed version of these, which are on sale at Zappos for infuriatingly less than I paid for them a few months ago:

Zanotti lacquered wood heel

(srsly, you will love these; they’re easy to walk in and the heel is the most beautiful burnished lacquered wood, your feets will smile.)

After our dinner we walked to a theoretically posh hotel bar for a little after-dinner cocktail action.

Oh honey, there was so much heartache happening in this bar. It was one giant festival of No. You know how in Unzipped, Polly Mellon warns Isaac Mizrahi that “too short looks long”? Yeah, well sometimes too short looks too short.

I blame the banded/bubbled mini dress.

How? How do people think this is a good idea?! Because it’s really, really not. Remember that unfortunate gold lamé toreador outfit I had with the bugle-beaded capris? It’s THAT LEVEL OF BAD IDEA.

NONo.No No
Because even though what you SEE are two relatively-cute, relatively plus-sized models, what you will BECOME the second you put one of these horrific bastards on your delicate person is THIS:

that’s right, a pumpkin costume.

and I don’t give one hot-buttered hoot what Ministry says; not every day is Halloween.

February 11, 2008

Mission Monday: Tragical History Tour

Filed under: Mission Monday — Miss Plumcake @ 5:05 pm

Y’all. There are a lot of bad clothes out there. I know, I own some. We ALL own some. This week the Big Girl mission is to get rid of something that plagues our closet. Don’t hold onto it because you spent a lot of money for it or maybe it will come back in style. Ugly clothes — much like venereal disease and step children you drop off in the woods– always come back. And guess what? They will still be ugly.

So this week I will finally toss that gold lamé toreador outfit with the matching black satin capri pants (avec bugle bead fringe. Alluring, no?) that I’ve been storing in the back of my closet with the idea that some day I could maybe turn it into some sort of burlesque costume.

What will you be getting rid of? If I could make a suggestion, anything that makes you look like you’re wearing the drapes from Holly Hobby’s vanagon should be first on the pile.

tragical.jpg

$370 at Saks.com

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