Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

October 8, 2009

Oh Hell No: Top 10 Cities for Cellulite

Filed under: Suck it,The Fat's in the Fire — Tags: — Miss Plumcake @ 12:11 pm

Are you freaking kidding me?

MSNBC just released a list of top ten cities for cellulite.

Oh yes they did.

We’re in a prolonged war, our economy has not just screwed the pooch but has in fact made sweet canine love to the entire extended cast of Lady and the Tramp, there’s an influenza epidemic on the rise (although I’ve had The Ham,  it wasn’t worse than any other flu), Muammar al-Gaddafi is STILL rocking that bad perm, a whole hell of a lot of people are losing their jobs and not finding new ones and this, THIS is what the “leader in breaking news, video and original journalism” chooses to publish?


Don’t even get me started on the idea that it’s from some place that calls itself Total Beauty,  I’m too close to my vacation to pop a blood vessel in my eye.

Women have cellulite. We just do.

I’ve had it forever; I don’t need to be told gravely “There is no cure for cellulite”.

We don’t NEED a cure for cellulite; we need a cure for cancer.

We need a cure for Alzheimer’s and AIDS and for people who have stupid ringtones and never put their phones on silent thus forcing me to listen to the first 10 seconds of the Sex in the City mambo over and over and OVER again even though the last time the phone-holder in question had sex Sarah Jessica Parker still had her original nose and people actually thought Matthew Broderick was straight (hahahaha, I kid. No one’s ever thought Matthew Broderick was straight).

The thing that bothers me about this, is not that it’s just a stupid waste of news but it’s overtly sexist. I mean take the blurb about Birmingham, Alabama which according to MSNBC has the most cellulite in the country:

“The biggest city in Alabama is home to more women than men (the second highest female to male ratio in the U.S.), which means one thing: more cellulite”


YES, that’s the ONE THING it means.

It couldn’t possibly be indicative of legitimate social problems, like in a city that’s nearly 75% African-American with one of the highest poverty rates in the nation (some 2007 numbers show well over 20% and that was before our economy went tits up) black men –whose average life expectancy according to census reports is more than 10 years shorter than the average white woman– are dying young or leaving for employment and greener pastures.

It couldn’t possibly mean that people in the 46th poorest state in the nation don’t have access to proper nutrition and have to survive on low-value foods, or that schools don’t have the money for gymnasiums and after-school sports.

No, it’s got to mean  ZOMG!!1! the city is overrun by lumpy thighs and THAT is what’s truly newsworthy, because why address actual social issues when we can make women feel bad about themselves? Bite me, MSNBC, go ahead, pull up a chair and take a big ole chomp. I won’t say where, because I’m a lady, but you can be damn sure it’s dimpled.

If you want to promote social justice and wellness in Birmingham, take a look at these charities. They all have received top ratings from, so you can be confident you’ll get the most bang for your philanthropic buck.

United Way of Central Alabama
Cornerstone Schools of Central Alabama (my favorite)
Boys and Girls Club of Central Alabama
Habitat for Humanity for Greater Birmingham

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