Hello my chubby compadres, how’s every little thing? Me, I’m great. Just getting used to being back in Texas –by which I mean the face of the sun– after a glorious month of actual springlike weather in DC. Well, it’s Tuesday, so it’s time to find out
What Miss Plumcake is…
(now with sales code AND a recipe!)
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Greetings gang, I’m back in Texas! In a few weeks I’ll be leaving the spend most of the rest of summer in an idyllic little beach house in Mexico, which brings me to the subject at hand. Or rather leg.
Yesterday when I surveyed my wondrous gams in preparation for wearing some very short shorts indeed –I haven’t worn shorts since Clinton was in office– the outlook was Not Good. I needed to summerize my pins with a quickness, so I thought I’d offer you some tips and tricks on making your legs look long and shapely for summer.
Today it’s self-tanning.
I’m not gonna lie, my legs are really white. That doesn’t bother me, I don’t mind being more Snow White than Malibu Barbie (fun question: would you rather live with 7 really short dudes or have a closet case for a boyfriend?) but they look like those see-through lizards that hang around my door at night. You can see all the internal workings; hair follicles, the anterior and posterior tibial arteries, PLUS whatever bumps and bruises and random injuries I have done unto myself at any given moment. It’s less than ideal.
I don’t subscribe to the Everyone Must Be Bronzed At All Times theory of summer leggery, but since my wardrobe in Mexico is going to be all about my legs, especially since the other occupant of the bungalow thinks my gams are the greatest things since sliced vodka and I have every intention on keeping the illusion alive as long as I can.
If I’m going to be showing off vast tracts of leg, I want them to look their best and that means a bit of color for that healthy glow and evenness.
I’m not about to sit out in the sun to get a real tan, but what are the alternatives? I’ve had epic fails with every sunless tanner or spray I’ve tried and it stinks so bad I can barely stand it.
Until now.
Enter the L’Oreal Sublime Bronze ProPerfect Salon Airbrush Self-Tanning Mist in Medium Natural. Friends, Romans, fellow residents of Honky O’Sunburn’s Home for the Chronically White, this is good stuff. I mean REALLY good. Even I didn’t mess it up, which is saying something, plus it’s one of those gradual tanners where you add color over several days so there’s no way you’re going to go to bed alabaster and wake up Oompa Loompa.
Preparation is the most important part for sunless tanning.
You want to exfoliate as if your life depended on it.
I got a handy dandy loofah pad and scrubbed myself, then I shaved my legs with a new razor –if you’ve got extremely sensitive skin, I’d shave a day before– had another spin with the loofah, and then rubbed my legs down with a towel pretty vigorously. The goal was to make sure all the dead skin got gonesville. Then I hung out naked under a ceiling fan for a while until I was completely dry. No moisturizing yet.
Once dry, I rubbed a thick body butter all over my feet and put on a pair of very short socks –this ended up creating a bit of a tan line, but rather than orange feet– and with the remaining lotion on my hands, rubbed my knees and just below my knees. Your knees take color more easily than the rest of your legs, and rubbing a bit of lotion on them slows absorption, which makes for a more even-looking tan.
Then I sprayed.
This can sprays from all angles, so I could hold it upside down and get an even, steady mist. I started with my thigh and worked my way down, skipping my knees –I let the overspray get it– trying to make sure I didn’t go over any one area much more than others. I’m sure I did and the tan developed fine anyway, but it’s worth making the effort.
There’s no rubbing or massaging or anything like that so I moved on to the next leg, did the same thing and then stood under a fan for a few seconds until I felt good and dry. About 30 minutes later I dusted on some baby powder –sweat is the enemy and I wanted to be safe– all over my legs, especially behind my knees and between my thighs, took off my socks and went to bed.
The first thing I noticed was it didn’t smell. I am very sensitive to the sunless tanning smell and although there is still just barely a tiny hint, it’s completely tolerable, even for a big nelly like me. I knew it didn’t smell when I applied it, but the proof is in the newly-bronzed pudding because that’s when the DHA develops and the stench comes out. Since this is a gradual tanner –meaning you put it on several days in a row– it’s got less DHA, which means less stink. Plus there aren’t any gross heavy fragrances to make things worse.
Second thing I noticed was that my legs were indeed darker. Not a ton darker, but I’d say what I’d expect from a full afternoon in the sun. There are no streaks and absolutely no orange (phew!) and although there is a bit of a tanline from my socks, it’s natural looking. I did another application this morning since I knew I was going to be in the house for a few hours and could do the same naked lounging with baby powder thing, and this time I just moisturized my feet and then sprayed.
I’ll keep you updated on how the tan progresses, but so far so good, so get spraying!
Hello my little marshmallow peeps, how’s every little thing? Me? I’m fine. I got exactly zero sleep last night so I’ve got my flawlessly tailored crabby pants on, but it’s Tuesday which means it’s time to find out
What Miss Plumcake is…
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One of my all time favorite films is Baby Doll, starring Carroll Baker in the title roll with Karl Malden as her husband in an as-yet-unconsummated marriage and Eli Wallach as Silva, the Sicilian manager of the cotton mill that –having put most of the cotton millers out of work– has recently burned to the ground. It’s brilliant stew of Southern Gothic swamp and sex like only Tennessee Williams could write and only Elia Kazan could direct. It also has what I believe is the sexiest scene of all of film history (it was so scandalous that it was denounced by a cardinal in Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, thus guaranteeing a hit).
During a particularly tense part of the film, Silva (Eli Wallach) who may or may not have just enjoyed Baby Doll’s favors sits at the table with Baby Doll and her boorish husband, looks at her and says:
“That’s a beautiful ribbon you’re wearing Mrs Meighan. What particular shade of blue would you say that lovely ribbon is?”
“Oh, just baby blue.”
Granted, these ribbon-laced satin espadrilles (under $70 at YOOX and also available in lavender) are supposedly turquoise, not a baby blue, but they’re lovely all the same. I always like an unexpected treatment of an old classic, such as the satin pointe shoe treatment on a usually rugged espadrille.
I’m not familiar with Andrea Bernes‘ designs, but if these are anything to go by –sweet but not cutesy, innocent but not naive– I’m going to be a big fan.
Hello my little butternuts, how’s every little thing? Yes, it’s time for your weekly humpletter featuring ten new Plumcake-approved tidbits of deliciousness, mostly on sale!
It’s actually a fairly slow week for sales thanks to the swing back from Memorial Day, so we’re doing something a little different. One of the things I hate hate HATE is when people I know copy my personal style –which is pretty specific– just a little too closely. It’s awkward for everyone involved. I’ll never forget that day years ago when I walked into church to find some sweet but terribly misguided Young Thing wearing what can only be described as a Plumcake costume.
In the parlance of my people, “I liketa died.”
That being said, I thought it might be fun –and I invite you all to play along in the comments– to actually CREATE a Plumcake costume using the sales this week. Create your own costume in the comments field, just don’t worry if it takes a few minutes to post. It might get caught in the pending filter.
First up are these Original Ray Ban Wayfarers in dark tortoise shell, on sale at Lord and Taylor using code FRIENDS to take 25% off your entire purchase. I never leave my house without my torties, which are just as cool as the traditional black ones but a bit more sophisticated.
These are timeless timeless timeless and perfect for either sex, so if your father is still wearing those tragiculous Blu-Blockers, why not buy him a pair of Wayfarers? He’ll look like an Italian movie star (white loafers not included.)
And if I’m never without my Wayfarers I’m never ever without my Hermes scarf. In fact, you could probably execute a fairly reputable Plumcake costume with just the scarf and the sunnies, plus a pair of vintage clip ons.
Pictured here is my absolute favorite foulard from my not-inconsiderable collection. 
It’s called Les Rivieres de Babel and although I have it in the aqua, there is precisely ONE of these available for purchase from Potero (on sale too, it is to weep), so get it quick. It’s the only scarf I’ve ever paid a premium for and the photos simply do NOT do it justice. So pretty. So SO pretty. When a woman d’une certain age showed up fresh off the plane from Paris with it wrapped around her neck, I fell in love and proceeded to hairlip hell until I located one and purchased it with much whimpering of bank account and a month of meal planning that involved the phrase “beans and toast” more often that I typically find ideal. And you know what? Worth. Every. Penny.
And of course one good turn of Hermes deserves another: the Hermes Bolide in brown box calf. Again, there’s only one of them, but it’s at 63% off retail and in great condition. Of course as with all Hermes bags, it is entitled to the legendary spa, where loved bags are buffed, primped and polished back to new. Now in the spirit of full disclosure: I don’t own a Bolide, I have a Birkin which I received as a break up gift (sorta) and have used exactly once, but for all the folderol over the Birkin being il handbag di tutti handbags, I’d kinda rather have the Bolide.
Moving from the screamingly expensive to the cheap and cheerful, I mentioned earlier you could compose a pretty decent Plumcake costume with just the scarf, sunglasses and a pair of vintage clip on earrings.
I couldn’t tell you how many pairs of vintage earbobs I own. Hundreds probably. I might even know where a few of them are (I always carry some sparklies in my purse in case I need to put them on in a flash, and usually a few pair at the office, in the car…wherever)
It is a shameful truth that, like snails leave slime and skunks leave stink, I leave a trail of earrings wherever I roam. I’ve tried to fix it, but to no avail. I almost always find them again eventually, but in case I don’t, I really hate to invest too much.
I’m a sucker for figural earrings, or something with a little hint of whimsy, like these floral ear clips on clearance from La Vintage, which will set you back a measly 17 smackaroos.
These little darlings measure about 3/4″ and are just about exactly what I go for in an earring. Casual but still a little sparkly, charming but not cutesy and pretty enough to draw light but not so spectacular as to draw attention away from my face.
If you’re not in the habit of wearing earrings, give it a shot. I have pierced ears but only wear clip-ons, so I can pull them off or put them on at a moment’s notice. Also, you should always ALWAYS wear earrings when trying on clothing (nothing dangly, please). You’ll be amazed on how much more put together you’ll look, just with a simple pair of bobs.
More fabulousness after the jump, clicky click!
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Sometimes I’m just kind of dim.
(BTW this pause is for you to vehemently disagree, take your time. Keep going. Little more. Liiiittle more. There. Now stop.)
No, no. It’s true.
A few years ago at Style Spy’s suggestion, I picked up a fab pair of espadrille wedges with burnished gold leather uppers and I spent the bulk of that summer going “Why don’t I wear more espadrilles? I should wear more espadrilles!” but there was an ill-fated design flaw with my dear ‘drillies and I only got one season out of them.
Then in early March I found a pair of ridiculously un-me Lacroix espadrilles on slapyermomma sale and I’ve been tromping around in them asking myself the same question ever since. They’re comfortable, super padded, and since they lace all the way up, they’re molded to my feet.
Plus –and I don’t think we can underestimate the value of this– The Carolina Royal and I got to have the following conversation:
“Your espadrilles. They’re fabulous.”
“They’re Lacroix.”
“I like them even better now!”
At its most basic, an espadrille is a rope-braided fiber –usually jute– with a heel and a toe sewn on in two pieces, como eso:
UNIONBAY Women’s Pipper Espadrille
Which, okay, is not exactly an exciting fashion statement (although I do love men in these plain types) but the concept is a good one. It just needs a bit of mustard.
Even though espadrilles originated in the Pyrenees, they have a very coastal feel to me, which is why I generally prefer my ‘drillies to have a rustic, woven look, and one of the very few instances where I prefer fabric to leather. When I picture the inspiration for espadrilles, I’m imagining craggy-eyed men and old women in big black skirts who mend nets in some sleepiy Spanish fishing village applying their handicraft to the local footwear.
Which isn’t to say there aren’t good drillies with leather uppers, these mid wedges from Eric Michaels are nice –with the added bonus of the t-strap keeping the slingback from slipping off your foot– and these Donald J. Pliners:
Are woven nubuck leather, which is the best of both worlds. They’re also the only ones actually made in Spain.
For a more Betty Grable take on things –without veering into cutesy vintage– you can’t beat Delman. Doing a black ‘drille is harder than you might think, and this is the best example I’ve found. Plus it’s Delman, so you can pretend you’re Maggie Prescott making over Hepburn The Lesser and shout “CALL DELMAN’S!”
Of course you could always take a more boho, road to Marrakesh spin, which would be fun and a good way to anchor a dress that needed a fairly solid shoe to balance out the look. These also come in a sort oxblood which I might like even more.
But what if you don’t want to futz with the tying and the buckling and whatnot? I mean it’s a long way down for some of us…
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